


A Long Way from Home

by Ma_vhenan_Bellanaris



Series: A Long Way from Home [1]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Adventure & Romance, Alternate Universe, Elvhen, Elvhen Pantheon, Evanuris, Falling In Love, Friendship/Love, Lost Love, Love Triangles, Modern Girl In Thedas but not, Modern Girl in Thedas, Multi, POV Multiple, Romance, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-17
Updated: 2017-03-29
Packaged: 2018-04-15 06:44:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 55,878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4596816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ma_vhenan_Bellanaris/pseuds/Ma_vhenan_Bellanaris
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One moment Julie is in her apartment living her everyday life when she awakens to find herself in the world of Thedas.</p><p>Julie doesn't know how she has arrived here, and if it's even real or not! Julie is just trying to live up to be a hero like she has seen every time in the game but is her self-confidence and big heart going to get in the way.</p><p>This story is about her journey, with a multi-point view dabbling into Solas' perspective of this curious girl as well.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Lost

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first written fanfic in years! So please forgive any errors. I have worked very hard on this first chapter and I plan on releasing frequent updates! Let me know your comments and I am very excited to share this story with all of you! Right now I only have two points of view Julie's and Solas and the transition is marked by a line. If I deiced to add more points of view I will find a new way to marker them to make it clearer.
> 
> **Disclaimer I do not own or claim any rights to Dragon age characters or dialogue.
> 
> *** Updated 9/18/15 to incorporate new information about Solas released from the Trespasser DLC.
> 
> **** 10/28/15 Due to having a bit of help with a editor now. This story is currently under revisions. Will be removing subsequent chapters tell revised. I am sorry for any inconvenience. BUT it will be back up at running soon! Good news is that this chapter is completely revised!!

After finishing the household chores, dishes, laundry, and cleaning up after my ridiculous dog, I finally get to sit down on the couch with my beloved, Taylor. He is playing our favorite game Dragon Age Inquisition of course as his inquisitor a female, human mage, this is about his 4th play through and this time he was romancing Sera. We both laugh when Sera makes his nickname “Teetness”. I look up at my loving fiancé his auburn brown hair and eyes that match, and life couldn’t get any better with my dog curled up at my feet. Or maybe it could if we were to suddenly plop into this game. No stress of modern day credit card bills, rent, just being together living in the wild. We could work for ourselves being farmers or anything. Life would be just so interesting instead of both of us just sitting at our desks all day, maybe I would be a rouge or even a mage, and hopefully if I was a mage I wasn’t stuck in some circle, but me always playing as elf hopefully I wouldn’t be stuck in one.

Taylor’s facial features are a lot like Cullen’s thinking about it in the moment just instead of a scar across the lip it was a straight scar across Taylor’s forehead right in the center, and his skin tone was a few shades tanner, almost matching Dorian’s shade. Laughing to myself thinking about comparing him to the game. He gives me a kiss on my forehead. “Your turn miss” he says calling me by my nickname, handing me the controller. I take my long, blonde, messy, wavy hair and throw it up into pony, as long as it was out of my eyes for the game, I was golden. He pulls me in close caressing my cheek, and slowly closes his eyes to go to sleep. Well I wait for the dragon age servers to load on my profile I close my eyes to what I thought was just a quick cat nap. _Oh boy was I wrong._

It was a nightmare I was running from my greatest fear besides snakes, spiders! Running, running faster than I ever thought possible. I see a bright light holding their hand out to me. I reach for it just in time and then everything goes black.

 

* * *

 

_A mortal sent physically through the fade, not even through a Eluvian like we used in Arlathan. But through a rift in the veil! I can hardly believe this!_

Cassandra leads me to the dungeon where they have been keeping the prisoner. The air is damp and cool, and has the lingering smell of bile and sweat. I see her laying in the middle of the room on a small blanket. Her long blonde hair in a very un-tamed updo. Strands of golden locks falling down covering her face and then I see her ears, she is a elf. Her clothes are something that I have not quite seen in fashion here in all of Thedas, or the fade even. A delicate ivory lace top flowing down across her limp body, the sleeves stop right above her elbow. Her pants are made of fabric I have never seen before, but deep blue darker than the oceans. I wonder where she has traveled from and most of all why she was at the Conclave. I feel the pulse in the veil, the breach was about to erupt again, and at the moment, the prisoners right hand glowed with light, exploding with magic. As she whimpered out in pain.

“The mark on her hand has been growing, I thought maybe with your knowledge you would be able to solve it. Its color and it’s behavior are a lot like the breach, I believe it is what caused this whole mess.” Cassandra says to me, glaring at the poor elven girl.

“I will investigate it the best I can, Seeker.” 

I kneel next to the unknown elven girl, _she is radiant_ l cannot deny this, her beauty even in these conditions reminds me of someone I once knew, the beautiful Sylaise herself.  I brush my hand onto her forehead, feeling for a fever when I see her vallaslin, it was almost white it was so light, a few shades paler than her already pale skin. How fitting that she has the Sylaise vallaslin when she looks so much like her, Sylaise would be quiet interested in her if she still lived.

_Solas no time for this focus._

I go back to focusing on the task at hand. I feel her forehead again, her fever is so high it feels like I am touching a flame, but at the same time I feel her own magic weekly attempting to fight the fever. How curious indeed, I only knew few elvhen that had this talent to use their magic to heal themselves without even being aware, and all of those elvhen where apart of the Evanuris.

_Solas knock off the reminiscence, we must save her to even question her about her magic._

“We must change her out of these clothes. Her fever is too high, it could kill her” I demand into the air.

A Templar guard accompanying Cassandra comes running over with the Seeker. “No you, go get buckets of water.” I command. The Seeker nods at him and off he runs. I would not have a Templar touch this young elf. I feel strangely protective over her. I quickly remove her clothes with the help of Cassandra. She has quite strange undergarments, another thing I have never seen in all of Thedas. _  
_

I draw frost ruins over her forehead, and begin working around her body. The fever is just fighting back my magic, like it was fighting her own. I reach down to her hand where the mark is. I see it growing slowly up past her wrist. This mark was not to be bestowed a mere mortal, it was suppose to be I that bore this mark. I pull my focus to her hand. Corypheus is to the answer to this, whatever his plan was I am sure this was not his intention. 

I focus my mana to my old powers, what little I have so far restored to attempt to calm the mark, at least to where it’s not growing anymore, I know that it is not removable. The marks magic is to strong still compared to my own, I have not fully recouped yet. It just pushes away my magic, and only flares up more, sparking and flashing away. Burning her. She moans out in pain her brow froing.

“Solas, what are you attempting to do!” the Seeker yells out at me. “I was only trying to heal the mark. At least to the point of it no longer spreading but its magic is to strong.” I answer her question.

“What if I attempted to dispel it?” Cassandra says looking at me in the eyes. She reaches over and grabs the girls hand as well. I can feel the magic's loud hum quiet. With this brief moment I begin to inspect her hand. The mark was spreading too quickly it was already halfway up her arm. Green seeping out the sharp cut. If it kept going at this rate it would consumer her.

I pull at every being of my power towards the mark. The fade rippling against it. I watch her skin begin to slowly mend together and heal all the way trailing downwards her arm to her hand. I cast the spell as long as I possibly could tell my mana was almost spent. I begin to re-examine her mark, it was now just a small scar, in the middle of her palm, her skin slightly glowing green beneath it. Cassandra ceases her dispelling. “It worked.” She sighs out in relief.

“It seems it has… Though this is not a permanent solution, we have to stay attentive for when the breach pulses. I am theorizing it will rip open again.” She nods in agreement and in comes bursting the Templar with two buckets of water and another Templar following close behind with two more. I feel her head. Her fever had begun to subside, healing the mark to the point had worked momentarily.

“Seeker I will watch over her. Her fever is beginning to subside now. Though I do need a few things, Lyrium to restore my mana, some proper attire for the prisoner, and also a Templar here in case I need to purge the mark again.” Cassandra nodded her head and began to list the commands to the Templars. I was handed a vile of Lyrium and I greedily drank it restoring my mana. 

* * *

She has slept for two whole days, and I still know nothing about her. Leliana has tried to research what clan she is from but nothing has shown up. No one has taken claim to her, which only makes me more curious. The good news is her fever is gone now and a flush is back her cheeks. I know she must wake soon. With me and the Templar here each time the breach has pulsed we have been there to stop it from spreading. The Seeker Cassandra keeps checking in to see when she will awake. I know this girl is not guilty but I cannot share this with Cassandra, or she may question I.

I hear a low mumble, I look over and the girl’s eyes are fluttering. She mumbles out “Taylor” as she than slips right back into sleep. The door makes a loud burst and in comes Cassandra.

“Seeker, she is awakening.” I say, I am met with a sharp reply “Good, I have a new assignment for you. Varric and some scouts need help battling a rift, you are to be dispatched.” She then looks over at her Templers. “Cuff her wrists. Solas, we will meet you there to test your theory of her closing the rift as soon as she awakens.” And I was escorted out of the room. I didn’t trust the Seeker alone with her. Maybe it’s because she is marked with my magic, or I have actually come to care for this strange girl in these few past days.

 

* * *

 

I wake up with my head pounding and blurry vision. My hand feels like it’s on fire, bursting, burning and only growing every second. I look up and see a dark figure standing over me. Looking vaguely like Cassandra. _This must be a dream, it has to be._ “Tell me why we shouldn’t kill you now” she demands. walking behind me. _Ohhhh I am just dreaming about being the inquisitor. I have had many dreams about the fade, about Solas, about inquisition. Everything just feels so much realer than normal. I have to be lucid dreaming. I tend to have a lot of lucid dreams, a lot more than then the average person but normally I don’t feel pain. Or at least I don’t think so._

“The conclave is destroyed. Everyone is dead” Cassandra says well walking around to the front of me. “Except for you” _Well darn this would be a lot easier to answer with dialog options._ So I choose to remain silent. “Explain this.” She forcefully picks up my burning hand. “I can’t” answering honestly for now.

“What do you mean you can’t?” Cassandra sounds forceful now. “I don’t know what it is, or how it got there. Or even how I am here right now.”

“YOUR LYING!” Cassandra grabs me by my shoulders forcefully. Leliana quickly intervenes pulling her away. Damn Cassandra is so much scarier in this first person view.

"We need her, Cassandra.” Leliana says calmly.

“Do you remember what happened? How this began?” Cassandra asks. “All I remember is running. Things where chasing me, and then a women, or what I believe to be a women…”

“A woman?” Leliana says inquiring. “She reached out to me…” Cassandra interrupts me “Go to the forward camp, Leliana. I will take her to the rift.” “I am so sorry I can’t remember… what did happen?” I ask. “It will be easier to show you.” She says as I began to walk out of the integration room following Cassandra.

I step outside the front door my eyes burning from the harsh day light. I look up and see it. The breach. It reminds me of the Northern Lights I would see in the winters in Alaska but more intense and bright holding boulders mid air with it. “We call it “the breach.” It’s a massive rift into the world of demons that grows larger with each passing hour. It’s not the only such rift. Just the largest. All were caused by the explosion at the conclave.” Cassandra says looking at me.

“An explosion can do that?” rolls off my lips without even thinking.

“This one did.” She stares at me. “Unless we act, the breach may grow until it swallows the world.”

I was staring up at the breach as it pulsed, immediately it felt like lighting had struck my hand. My nerves from my hand radiating throughout my whole body, it felt like I had been ignited into flames, burning from the inside out. I cannot control my balance as I feel myself fall toward the cold ground. “Each time the breach expands, your mark spreads… And it is killing you.” _Things never hurt this bad in my dreams I never actually feel the pain! What is going on!_ Cassandra continues “It may be the key to stopping this, but there isn’t much time.”

“Let’s go then.” Well aware that this mark on my hand is the key to stopping this, Cassandra helps me up.

The people of Haven are glaring at me, their stares feel like knives carving into my very soul. “They have decided your guilt. They need it.” Cassandra says more gently then expected, well supporting my back as we walk along “The people of Haven mourn our most holy, Divine Justina, head of the chantry. The conclave was hers. It was a chance for peace between Mages and Templars. She brought their leaders together. Now they are dead.” She pauses “We lash out, like the sky. But we must think beyond ourselves as she did.” We walk out the doors of Haven. “Until the breach is sealed.” She turns around. Cutting my hands free. “There will be a trial I can promise no more.” We start to walk across the small bridge. “Your mark must be tested on something smaller than the breach.”

As we begin walking I look around at my surroundings. The crisp winter air, reminds me of my home. Alaska. The snow, the beauty of the mountains, the way it crunched under my feet, the smell of winter, I wish the game showed the detail I am seeing right now, and everything just feels so real. As we get to the other side of the bridge Cassandra yells breaking my train of thought “Open the gate! We are heading into the valley.” As we walk out of the gate I decide to finally look down at myself. My engagement ring still on my finger. The same hand as the mark. I am surprised no one looted it from me. But this is my dream, I wouldn’t want it gone, so maybe I am controlling it. I feel my neck and my everyday locket it is still hanging around my neck. The first piece of jewelry Taylor ever got me we where only young children not even dating yet. My hair was still up in the pony it had been in the real world when I fell asleep. Pushing the loose strands away, I feel up to my ears to see if my diamond earrings where still in place, as I feel my ears I realize that they are indeed still in my ears, BUT Oh my gosh my ears are so sensitive now! I begin to feel up them and realized they are pointed. At that point I scream. Not only from the shock of my ears, me being an elf, but at the pain in my hand, throbbing, repeating the same feeling as before, I fall quickly to the ground. _My various inquisitors where not over exaggerating about the pain they felt._

Cassandra jogs over to me helping me off the ground. “The pulses are coming faster now.” She says holding me up. We started to walk again and Cassandra went off talking about the breach, but I was zoning her out. _I am an elf_. _In every single one of my play through’s I was always an elf. It has always been a dream of mine to actually be one! I wondered what Vallaslin I had. Was it June or Mythal? Did I even have one! I had to see my reflection!_ All of a sudden I realized we were in the middle of the bridge that got struck by the breach as it crumbled below my feet we began to fall to the hard cold ice. _Why hasn’t any of this excitement woken me up!_

I look up and see another green flash coming down from the sky hitting the frozen water. I get up carefully as I see a demon raise from the exploding light. _Okay, these things are defiantly a lot creepier in person_. “Stay behind me!” Cassandra yells as she runs off to slay the beast. In the game there was always a weapon laying there. I looked around me for anything. As I see the ground below me begin to bubble and glow green with magic. I look over and see it, a staff. _Does this mean I’m a mage?!_ I run over to the staff as the demon spawns. It looks at me. _It reminds me of a dementor from Harry Potter only more terrifying, more real, something I would have nightmares about_. I swing my newly acquired staff and nothing comes out. The demon is approaching me and I scream as loud as I possibly can thinking I just want to freeze this demon making it possible for Cassandra to come and save me.

Just as I think that I feel a surge throughout my whole body, a incredible feeling, something I have never experienced before. A surge I was controlling, freezing ice goes flying out of the tip of my staff hitting the demon. Freezing him to the lake.

Cassandra has just slain the other demon and she comes running over to me to finish him off as I stand astonished as I just realize what I have done. _I had just used magic!_ This is turning out to be an amazing dream!

“It’s over. Thank God.” I sigh in relief. “Drop your weapon. Now.” Cassandra says pointing her sword to me. “Okay!!” as it falls out of my hand onto the ground. In all my play throughs I always say I need this weapon but I have no clue how to even use this thing so no reason to hold onto it and freaking Cassandra is a lot more terrifying in real life no way could I be as bold as I am in the game.

Cassandra sighs. “I apologize I needn’t be that rash… I cannot protect.”

“BUT” I interrupt. “Cassandra, I have no way to use this weapon. I have no memories. I didn’t even know I was an elf tell a few moments ago.” feeling my ears. “I thought I was human.”

Cassandra mouth gaps. “You have no memory at all? I thought maybe you just didn’t know what happen?”

“I truly don’t.” I said looking at her. I could see the concern across her face. “I can attempt to use this but I have no idea how to use spells, magic, or anything.I just thought to freeze the creature and it happen” I could see even more concern in her face. I had to be careful what I said because I remember a uncontrollable mage is never good.

“Do you think there is any other weapon I could try?” I ask. “I do not know…” she says. We walk back over to where I found the staff. I see the trunk the staff was leaning against. I eagerly open it. Inside the trunk was a bow with some arrows. My dad & Taylor would practice archery on the weekends, Taylor let me try a few times but I never quite had the arm strength to hold the bow he was using. “I can try this? As long as it is okay with you. I have no need for a staff if I cannot remember how to use it. Even if I am a mage.” I ask her. Almost pleading like I am a young child. 

"Well you do need something. Go ahead." _Cassandra agrees, thank goodness!_

I picked up the bow it was so much lighter than Taylor's at home, I also grab the quiver. There were only about 5 arrows. “Cassandra, I do not have that many shots to use, and I am not sure how well I can fire this weapon.”

“It’s okay. I will do my best to protect you.” She nods, and off we go.


	2. Trudging On

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so this chapter is a short one! I apologize at that! I promise others will be longer!! I might have a editor in the works. But until I get one please forgive any errors. I have dyslexia and sometimes they are just to easy to miss! 
> 
> **Disclaimer I do not own or claim any rights to Dragon age characters or dialogue.
> 
> *** Updated 9/18/15 to include new information about Solas' character reveled in the Trespasser DLC
> 
> **** 10/29/15 Revised Edition posted.

As Cassandra and I walk now in awkward silence. We both spot demons down on the frozen river. To be exact about 4 of them. I begin to question what we are to do. When my thoughts are interrupted by Cassandra “Stay here and try to be safe” she demands as she begins to lunge down the small hill.

I watch over the small cliff as Cassandra jumps down to fight them. She is slaying them fairly quickly. _Of course you are little wimp Julie hiding away._

Then I see another, its sneaking up behind her. _She has to see it, she has to, come on Cass, she’s not noticing!!! SHIT_! I quickly pull an arrow from the quiver and I place it to my bow, and pull back, I aim at the demon sneaking up on Cassandra and scream out as I release the arrow.

I miss, but I do succeed in distracting it for a moment, calling its attention on me. _Great now it’s making a bee line for the path up this hill!!_ Cassandra is quick though as she turns around and with a few swings of her sword it is dead. She than goes on to killing the other remaining demons.

After all the demons where dead I joined Cassandra at the bottom of the hill. _This has been such a strange dream. I wonder when I will awake_. I pick my arrow off the ground and put it back in my quiver only having a few arrows I better save them.

We continued to walk, on edge though because of the chance of demons. “You know my name but I do not know yours.” Cassandra says, in what I can assume a way to break the silence.

I think of how to answer this. I was going the amnesia route. _I had just told her that that not too long ago I didn’t know_. _She must be searching for me to break my lie._ “I do not remember…” I sadly say.

“Oh. I apologize, for my own forgetfulness.” She says with a nod. _Maybe she isn’t on to me._

We get to another point of fighting with demons. I stay back as before as Cassandra charges them. I decide to shoot at one from afar a green spirit like demon, a Wraith if I am remembering my demon names correctly.

 It was seeming to be annoying Cassandra, shooting green fire balls at her while she was trying to focus on fighting. I aim again and fire. I realize instantly it was a mistake as it now shoots its fire balls at me.

 I duck as one comes bolting at me, falling to my knees, I grab an arrow and aim it with my bow and quickly release, no time to think as I quickly duck and roll behind a rock. As I come up to peek to see if I hit it, I see Cassandra charging it. Right as a green bolt of fire hits me square in the face making me kick back and land on cold ground.

Cold snow gets into the boots I was supplied with. I hate the feeling, the crunching of cold snow in my shoes. But it did remind me of all those times making snowmen with my sister back home, and the fresh snow getting stuck in my boots.  

My cheek is stinging as I taste copper in my mouth. Cassandra must have finished killing the demons because I feel her arm pulling me up onto my feet. “Come on we only have a bit further to go tell we can reunite with the others.”

We arrive at the rift. The other companions where fighting it with soon to be inquisition guards. Solas was casting magic so elegantly and smooth. It was incredible to watch. _I mean he is an elven god after all._

Varric was shooting his crossbow with ease. I then focus on the rift. It was almost beautiful up close. Watching the magic poor out of it.

Cassandra seeing the struggle the others wherein looked at me and said sternly, “Stay back we will handle this.”

 _I am getting babied! I mean I don’t really know how to fight. But none of my other characters did any of this. I wondered if a baby like me would even be able to be the inquisitor._ “Huff” _probably not_. _But this is my dream I will just be the inquisitor anyways._

After the demons are slayed I walk up to Solas knowing what was about to come. _I wonder what it’s going to feel like closing a rift._

“Quickly before more come through!” Solas calls as he grabs my hand I feel a warm sensation from his hand radiating through my own, _he has to be using his magic on it, possibly unlocking it_. I see a pulsing stream of green come shooting out of my hand, instantly it was like my nerves were on fire all over again, it was different though almost like a release. As I watch the rift closes before me, the feeling in my hand stops.

“How did you do that?” I question looking at the trickster in his eyes. _Playing the game I never had the knowledge of whatever he just did to my hand._

“I did nothing. The credit is yours.” _How did I even believe him in my first play through_? “So this did that?” I question with a tad bit of sarcasm in my voice. I begin examining the mark for the first true time. It was torn open like a deep wound making its way up my wrist, but instead of blood it was a bright green light. I turn my hand over and my eyes catch my engagement ring. _Sparkling. I sort of wish Taylor was in this dream to though, he would be enjoying it with me._

“Whatever magic opened the breach in the sky also placed that mark upon your hand.” Solas looks at me then my hand. “I theorized the mark might be able to close the rifts that have opened in the breach’s wake… and it seems I was correct.” I look him in the eyes. _Yeah, dread wolf. Your orb caused this painful mark on my hand._ My glare was caught as his eyes winded at my expression.

“Meaning it could also close the breach itself.” Cassandra butted in.

“Possibly.” Solas replies “It seems you hold the key to our salvation” _Well I know so._

“Good to know! Here I thought we’d be ass-deep in demons forever.” I look over and see the dwarf in person. He looks short in the video game but you just don’t understand tell you see him in person, he would probably only come up to a bit higher that my hip. You could see the ware in his face from all the battles he has fought. “Varric Tethras: Rouge, storyteller, and occasionally unwelcome tagalong.” He said winking at Cassandra.

“Nice to meet you Varric, and may I say what a nice crossbow you got there.”

“Ah isn’t she? Bianca and I have been through quite a lot together.” I look at him knowing something he thinks I would not know.

”Named after a lover?” I said coyly with raising an eyebrow.

Varric coughed. “Uh no.” turning beat red in the face. “I just really liked the name” his reaction made me want to burst out in laughter.

Solas interrupts our chatter with a slight cough. “My name is Solas, if there are to be introductions. I am pleased to see you still live.” He beamed smiling. _Oh he is so prideful now isn’t he?_

“He means I kept that mark from killing you while you slept.”” Varric replies.

“You do seem to know a great deal about it, Solas.” I reply staring straight at him. Solas’ face was now apparent that I was on to him, or just flat out didn’t trust him.

“Solas is an apostate, well-versed in such matters.” Cassandra interrupts Solas and I’s stare down.

“Riiiigghhht.” I huff. Solas was looking a bit cranky now. I might be pushing his buttons a little bit.

“Technically all mages are now apostates, Cassandra. My travels have allowed me to learn much of the Fade. Far beyond the experience of any circle mage. I came to offer what help I can give with the breach. If it is not closed, we are all doomed, regardless of origin.” _Yeah your origin_.

“What a commendable attitude.” I said smirking.

“Merely a sensible one, although sense appears to be in short supply right now. Cassandra, you should know: The magic involved here is unlike any I have seen. Your prisoner seems to be a mage, but indeed I find it difficult to imagine any mage having such power.”

 _Even with myself not wanting to trust him he does know the most about magic_. ”Uh yeah, the magic part, it seems with the loss of my other memories I seem to have lost my ability to know how to even control my magic.”

Solas expression changes from intelligent and cocky to… _Do I see a bit of concern_? "Regardless of that, it still doesn't change my opinion.” He admits, now looking at me curiously.

“Understood, we must get to the forward camp quickly.” Cassandra replies.

“Well, Bianca’s excited!” Varric chimes in.

We began to descend down the bank. Fighting our way through demons. With the other two having joined our group Cassandra had limited me from combat now that I am the ‘key to salvation’ blah blah blah had to keep me safe out of danger. I would only shoot if I deemed in necessary. I felt rather damsel in distress. If this is my own dream, why can’t I just be miraculously good at fighting like normal dreams? Instead I am normal blah me.

As we continued our journey. Solas comes walking up next to me.

“So you never told me your name.” crossing his hands behind his back, walking so noble, _seriously how did I EVER let myself be fooled by this elf?!_

“Yes that is true, because I do not remember.” I sighed.

“So you have no memory at all of yourself.”

“Well I do and I don’t _...” Why don’t I be honest but not? I am an elf and I have no clue of this body’s origin in Thedas_. “I have no memory of who I am right now. I didn’t even know I was an elf tell earlier today.” I said stroking my ear.

“I see, I could try to help you remember?” He offers with seemingly genuine concern in his voice.

“Maybe.” _It would be nice to know what happen on how I got here, but since this is just a dream…it is a dream, Julie. Don’t let yourself fall for this illusion._

“Come on guys!” Varric calls out to us. Irrupting my train of vicious thought. “So you don’t remember anything?” Varric looks at me suspiciously.

“Nope” I reply.

 “Should have spun a story, more believable” Varric replies cockily.

“That’s what you would have done, Varric” Cassandra glares over her shoulder.

“Hey less chance of premature execution _._ ” _What Varric didn’t know is that this is a spun up story. I mean I don’t want to ruin this amazing dream by saying hey none of this is real._


	3. The Wrath of Heaven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoy! Again I still do not have a editor so please forgive errors! And if you catch them let me so I can fix them. I am going to start adding more tags to the story as it progresses, I know some things are for sure going to happen just I don't want to spoil them!!
> 
> **Disclaimer I do not own or claim any rights to Dragon age characters or dialogue.
> 
> *** Edited 9/18/15 to include new information about Solas from Trespasser DLC.
> 
> **** 10/30/15 Newly revised edition now posted.

After closing another rift we finally made it to the camp where we are to meet Leliana. “Ah, here they come” the chancellor says.

Leliana face was very relived as she exclaims “You made it! Chancellor Roderick. This is” "I know who she is, as Grand Chancellor of the Chantry, I hereby order you to take this criminal to Val Royeaux to face execution." My eyes widen. Playing the game execution seems like a joke. But in this dream world. Or where ever I am seems more threatening to my being.

Cassandra of course did not take this treat lightly. “’Order me? You are a glorified clerk. A bureaucrat!” She spat at him. “And you are thug, but a thug who supposedly serves the Chantry!” He spat right back. Oh dear we have a little cat fight on our hands don’t we.

“We serve the most holy, chancellor, as you well know.” Leliana chimed in.

The chancellor not willing to give up a fight “Justina is dead! We must elect a replacement and obey her orders on the matter!” I just couldn’t hold back anymore. “Don’t you think the breach is the most concerning thing going on right now, Chancellor?!” I say glaring at him. “You’re the one who brought this on us in the first place!!” he screams back at me. I began to yell back in my own defense “No I…” Cassandra puts her hand on my shoulder pulling me back behind her.

“Call a retreat seeker. Our position here is hopeless.” He says to her.

“We can stop this before it’s too late.” She says glancing back at me.

“How? You won’t survive long enough to reach the temple, even with all your soldiers.” He asks.

Letting them argue I turn away. _What if this isn’t a dream. What if the Dragon Age world is real. What if…_ The breach interrupts my thoughts as it pulses, my hand pulses as well with a surge of power glowing green. My whole arm feels like it on fire all over again but Solas is quickly there to brace me from falling, he looks at me with that concerned look he gets. I realize that mark has been growing, and with that pulse it had just passed my wrist and is slowly making its way up my arm. Solas inspects the mark as even more concern plagues his face.

Cassandra turns to me “How do you think we should proceed?”

 I just realized I missed what they were talking about. Oh the mountain path or charging….

“I think we should go the mountain path.” The only path I ever choose in the game and questioning myself I am not willing to take risks at the moment.

As we began to walk away the Chancellor calls out “On your head be the consequences, Seeker.” Cassandra, being Cassandra walks away ignoring him.

Cassandra, Solas, and Varric begin to ascend through the mountain pass with ease, and I carefully following behind the group. Solas guarding me very defensively, I know why. He knows he needs me. I should not mistake this for care about my well-being how many times has he broken my poor Lavellan’s hearts. We finally come upon the third rift I will be closing today. They beat the monsters and I swoop in to seal the rift. Saving Leliana’s scouts.

“Sealed, as before. You are becoming quite proficient at this” Solas says looking at me admirably.

“Let’s hope it works on the big one.” Varric butts in.

Cassandra and the scout are talking and she looks over at me and thanks me for insisting we save her. “Your welcome.” I reply smiling back to her. No time to chat as the group continues on.

“The Temple of Sacred Ashes.” Solas explains, the smell of burnt flesh was still lingering in the air. I had to force myself to not activate my sensitive gag reflex.

Cassandra begins to explain. “This where our soldiers found you, this is where you walked out of the Fade, they say a women was in the rift behind you. No one knows who she was. Some even claim seeing another.” _This is new dialogue._

“Another! Do they know who it was? Was it a man? Women?” I ask. _Maybe it was Taylo_ r! I look over at Solas’ face and his interest had defiantly peeked.  

“They only saw a shadow of another. Nothing more.” Cassandra answers my question.

 _I know what happen to the Divine, she died. But Taylor… Did he die? This dream doesn’t feel like a dream anymore everything feels so much more. I have to know what happen to him! Or I have to wake myself up from this now nightmare. I feel tears begin to form in my eyes. If Taylor was in the fade he is gone, I could feel my heart breaking in two_.I must be making an obvious upset face because now Solas is staring at me.

He grabs my arm and pulls me aside from the others “Are you remembering something?” For some reason I have a feeling I can trust him but I can't... “No. I am not.” I brush him off quickly.

“Hmm. Well if you do please inform me.” he says, his steel blue eyes looking directly into mine. _I feel like he could swallow me whole_.

Cassandra notices the conversation. “What are you two talking about?” She demands. “Her mark is just burning. She can tell we are getting close!” He replies quickly. Oh what trickster he is indeed.

The breach was much larger than I ever pictured on my TV screen. It was like the northern lights on steroids, but only a bright bright green color with fire and lighting bursting from it. “The breach is a long way up” Varric points out. At this point I just want to be like no shit Sherlock, hearing this dialogue for the millionth time. 

“You’re here thank the maker.” Leliana comes running up behind me.

Cassandra begins to barks out orders “Leliana, Have your men take up positions around the temple.” She then comes up to me. “This is your chance to end this. Are you ready?”

 _Yeah if I can ever be ready. I knew we were about to face a huge Pride demon. And me having no real fighting skills really put our survival to dim to none._ “Ready as I will ever be. What’s the plan?”

Solas interrupts “We need to seal the rift it’s the key to the breach, so hopefully it closes it.”

 “Then let’s find a way down. And be careful.” Cassandra orders.

“Now is the hour of our victory.” I hear Corypheus familiar voice. “Bring forth the sacrifice” walking down the steps listening intently. Listening for anything to be… different.

“What are we hearing?” Varric interrupts.

Of course Solas and his knowledge of Corypheus and the knowledge of his orb, replies “At a guess: The person who created the breach.”

The group passes Red Lyrium and everyone has to put their two cents on about it, but I couldn’t care less I had to see what happen, I have to know if Taylor followed me, I still don’t know how I got here or if this is even real, but I truly hope he didn’t.

“Keep the sacrifice still” Corypheus barks.

 “Someone help me!” I hear Divine Justina yell. As we jump down a ledge to be facing the rift my hand begins to burn and glow and I hear it. “Someone help me!” a repeat of what Divine Justina said.

“What’s going on here?” It’s Taylor’s voice! _NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!_ “No.” I breathe out. _I know his fate now it’s sealed, in this dream or wherever I am._

“Release her now!” I hear my own voice call out.

Cassandra looks at me. “That was your voice, Most Holy Called out to you. But…”

Then all of sudden the rift exploded to a grey haze showing the memory. Divine Justina held hostage in the air. “What’s going on here?” I see Taylor. But he is different he is also an elf. Looks the same in every way except for the pointed ears and the Mythal vallaslin, it was purple of course, as he always choose for his elven characters.

“Release her now!” I see myself walk in behind Taylor. I see myself and see the Sylaise vallaslin on my face it’s light and white, paler than my skin. It looked beautiful. Pulling my attention away from the memory I reach up and touch my face, whispering “Sylaise” Solas looks at me overhearing my whisper. I look back up at the vision, Taylor protectively standing between me and Corypheus.

“Run while you can! Warn them!” Divine Justina yells to us both.

“We have intruders” Corypheus yells “Kill the elves” And I see a bright light flash towards Taylor and I. I fall to my knees now. Crying.

“You were there! Who Attacked? And the Divine, is she…? Was this vision true? What are we seeing?” Cassandra blurts out questions.

“I don’t remember.” I say crying through my tears. Taylor was dead. I had to accept that, wherever I am he does not exist, the only explanation for him not being at my side.

“Then explain the tears.” She harshly says, I couldn’t say anything at all; I has just come to realize that the love of my life is dead in whatever reality I am in right now.

 “Echoes of what happened here. The fade bleeds into this place.” Solas interrupts Cassandra’s questioning, grabbing my shoulder. “This rift is not sealed, but it is closed… Albeit temporarily. I believe that with the mark, the rift can be opened, and then sealed properly and safely. However, opening the rift will likely attract attention from the other side.”

“That means demons. Stand Ready!” Cassandra yells. I get myself up onto my feet and know what I have to do. The difference is I do not care if I die or live anymore. Taylor is dead. And if I do die I know for sure I will wake up if this is a dream, and if not I don’t care about my fate.

I walk up to the rift to open it, I push my hand towards it and I begin to push power into it. I feel it pulling and pushing out of my arm all at once the familiar fire in my hand and arm begins. The rift opens. Out shoots a green flash of light and the huge Pride demon I was expecting appears.

This demon in the game was nothing. But now nothing could be more terrifying as this demon as it whips its electrical whip. I scream and run backwards crashing into Solas. “We can defeat this monster. We just need to work together to seal this rift once and for all. I need you to go disrupt the rift with your mark and well we distract the demon. Disrupting the rift should weaken it so it will be vulnerable to our attack”

I nod wiping the tears away from my eyes. This was just like the game. Solas and the others charge at the demon well I run over to rift. I stick my hand up to just like when I opened it. It soon bursts. I look over at the demon and it is kneeling on the ground as the others attack.

We continue this pattern until I am again disrupting the rift and then I feel a sharp stab into my back. I taste the familiar copper in my mouth, I felt earlier that day. Warm thick blood begins pooling out, as I fall to the ground in shock… _I am bleeding out. I am dying, I can tell._ A calm slipped over me I was either going to awake from this dream or at least be free of my life without Taylor. Everything was slipping away darkening, when I hear.

“Nooo!” I believe it to be Solas’ voice. I feel someone grab me, pour a bitter liquid into my mouth. Tilting my head up. Everything comes back to me bright. “You will be alight. A shade demon attacked but it is dead now.” Solas says helping me up. I feel the wound in my back has less pain now. I reach back to feel it. It was defiantly tender to the touch. “I used an elfroot potion and a light healing spell, it was the best I could do at the moment my mana is draining.” I could see how tired and worn he was. “It shouldn’t be much longer now tell the demon is defeated and all you have to do is close the rift. Stay safe please.” I nod at him. He goes back to fighting the demon and I stay hidden behind the rubble.

The demon falls to the ground dead.

“Seal the rift now!” I hear Solas yell.

 I go running towards it almost stumbling and falling on my face because of the ruble beneath my feet, as I throw my hand up at the rift I feel the power surge out of me I feel myself grow weaker. I do not fight the darkness creeping in.

 

* * *

 

As the rift crackled shut, I looked over at her, the still un-named elven, that rift was too large it drained all her energy, I could no longer feel her mana presence in the veil. She began to fall towards the ground. I quickly fade stepped over to her, catching her right before she fell to the ground. She is limp and weak in my arms. I can hear her shallow breathing. _No way can she completely seal the breach without killing herself unless we feed the mark more power._

“Is she alive!” called out Cassandra. “Just barely.” I reply, moving my hand gently across her face looking at the burn mark she must have received earlier fighting with Cassandra. Casting a light healing spell healing the burn before it could do any permanent damage. “We need to get her back to Haven, so I can heal her wounds properly.”

Once back at Haven I was able to have Adan take on care of what my magic could not do. From what I studied, it seems closing the main rift has stopped her mark from growing, it is now just a faint scar, and that when it isn’t active has a faint green tinging beneath her skin. When the mark was near a rift the scar slightly teared open letting the magic pour out of it.

She is sleeping too deeply currently so my attempts of finding her the fade would be impossible, so I return to my cabin letting her rest.


	4. Memories

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short one but a goody. No Solas POV this chapter! 
> 
> As always your comments are greatly appreciated. Let me know if you enjoy the flashbacks to Julie's life on earth. I plan on including more if enjoyed! 
> 
> **Disclaimer I do not own or claim any rights to Dragon age characters or dialogue.
> 
> *** 10/30/15 revised edition posted

I try to open my eyes but they feel glued shut. I hear a mumble of voices around me “She will be fine seeker we just need to let her rest.” Its Solas voice. “Her mana is drained, sealing the rift was just too much.”

“Fine.” Cassandra mumbles out as I hear a door open and slam.

“Sollass” my throat feels like knives are attacking it as I whisper. I feel him next to me as I try to force my eyes open.

“Just rest.” I hear him say as I feel a grip on my hand and I fall back into the darkness.

“Julie come on!” Taylor calls out to me! Its 6:45 AM on New Year’s Eve 2014 and Taylor and I rushing to get into Disney world. Before they open early at 7 AM just for hotel guests.

“Why are we in such a rush?” I yell back at him giggling. He made me dress up for New Year’s this morning, I was wearing a beautiful short, blush, tulle and sequin dress.

“Because I want to get to Space Mountain before anyone else!” His favorite ride of course.

As we begin to cross the bridge from Main Street to Tomorrow Land. Taylor sees a photo pass person right by Cinderella’s rose garden. “Let’s go get our picture taken!” He exclaims. Of course I want to, Cinderella’s castle is lit up pink and purple! Our favorite colors. The photo pass person directs us into the archway of the garden. Then of all of sudden Taylor gets down on one knee. Is he proposing!

“Julie we have known each other our whole lives, and spent a long wonderful 6 years of our life together, and now that you have graduated college, I think it’s time for the next step, I want nothing more than to spend the rest of my life with you as my wife. I cannot imagine my life without you, you are my everything, your beautiful smart, you have the kindest heart, you’re just perfect.” Tears start forming in my eyes.

He pulls out a wooden box, that I could tell he spent many hours carving and staining himself. He had always been talented with woodwork. “Will you marry me Julie?” He says well opening the box I don’t even get a chance to look before I am jumping into his arms.

“Yes, Yes, Yes!” I exclaim.

“I love you Julie” He says into my ear “I love you to, so much.”

Taylor laughs. “Did you even notice the ring?”

“No!” wiping the tears of joy away from my face. He pulls it out of the box and it is a beautiful 2 carat cushion cut diamond ring with a halo of diamonds surrounding the main diamond, it twists down the sides in infinity symbols in-crested with diamonds as well. It was incredible, flawless beautiful, as I slip it onto my finger.

“What is this magnificent place” Solas interrupts looking around, I look at Taylor and realize that he is indeed a elf in the dream, not realizing before, as he slowly disappears away. _How was I going to respond? What was I going to do?_

“I am not sure.” I reply, uncertain of how to approach this.

“I believe we are in a memory of yours, a memory of before what happen at the conclave. That man that was with you. He was the elf we saw in the memory at the breach… You were in love.” he says quite calm

“I see that Solas.” Not meaning the harshness in my tone. I am just upset he un-welcomingly butt into my dream. _What if I was dreaming of something even more private?_

“Well at least we know your name now. Julie. But I am curious where this place is located. Everyone is dressed so differently. And this place…” We begin to walk up to Cinderella’s castle. “It’s just incredible I have never seen anything like it. In all of Thedas or the fade. Maybe we can unlock more of your memories here in the fade?” he asks questioningly.

In this moment I want to tell him that I am not from this world. He would be so interested, and maybe he could try to help me remember what happen at the conclave how Taylor and I got here in the first place, and in exchange I could help him save his orb. But no. Now is not the right time. He could kill me for all I know in his anger.

“Can we do it some other time… I need to process what I just saw.”

“Of course, what you need to do now is rest anyways.” and with that Solas fades away. Leaving me alone in what was once the happiest place on earth.


	5. Upon Awakening

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eek! I am finally pleased with this chapter it took several re-writes to get it where it is now! So please as always let me know your comments! 
> 
> **Disclaimer I do not own or claim any rights to Dragon age characters or dialogue.
> 
> *** Edited 9/18/15 to include more information about Solas' character thanks to Trespasser DLC
> 
> **** 10/30/15 Revised edition posted.

Looking around the room I realize we are in Haven. At least I am no longer in that horrible dungeon, where I first awoke in this place. One thing is certain I believe it impossible to dream within in a dream. So this cannot be a dream. Somehow I am in the world of Thedas, and I am the Inquisitor or soon to be Inquisitor.

I sit myself up as another elf walks in. “Oh!” she explains “I didn’t know you where awake I swear it!” “It’s okay. No need to apologize.” I reply to her. “I beg your forgiveness and your blessing. I am but a humble servant.” She says bowing on her knees.

“You are back in Haven, my lady. They say you saved us. The breach stopped growing, just like the mark on your hand. It’s all anyone has talked about for the last three days.” I look at my hand as it was slightly glowing at the mention of it.

“So we are safe then?” “It seems so.” She says well getting off of her knees. “I’m certain Lady Cassandra would want to know you’ve wakened. She said, at once.”

“Where is she?” I ask. “In the Chantry, with the Lord Chancellor. At once, she said.” As the little elf ran out of the room.

I look down at myself. I’m in the darn getup my characters are always stuck in. There has to be something different for me to change into. I rummage around the small little cabin. I find a small chest near the fireplace, I open it and in it is what I was wearing when I went asleep on the couch. My American Eagle dark blue skinny jeans, and an ivory flowy lace loose top that dipped elegantly in the back and slightly in the front, it was one of my favorite tops, I am happy I choose to wear it on the day I did.

I unbutton the darn jacket they have me in and slip it off to find myself only in my bra. At least they left this on I think to myself. Even though I know someone had to undress me to get this outfit on. My cheeks flush red, I feel the burning in them. _Hopefully it wasn’t Solas!_

With myself still in my bra I reach back to feel where I was stabbed at the breach and I feel nothing! _Someone did some wonders with some healing spells and potions!_

I slip on my shirt and throw on the jacket again, but leave it slightly opened, in an attempt to make this outfit look a little more appealing. I would throw on my jeans as well. But looking at the snow outside I do not find it wise to wear them.

I investigate my room a bit further and see a mirror on the desk on the other side of the room; I go and sit at the desk looking at myself in it. I look just like me but with pointed ears and the Sylaise vallaslin illustrated on face, it truly is beautiful, but I have never chosen Sylaise when making an Inquisitor thinking it to detailed, but on my face it just seems to fit perfectly, but besides my fan girling of actually have a vallaslin, and being an elf. Knowing what it represents I want it off of my face.

I then pull my attention to my hair. Still in the same darn ponytail it was when I feel asleep on the couch. I pull it out. It is a dreadful mess. I open one of the drawers of the desk and find a soft hairbrush. I begin to brush my long hair out it is a very soothing feeling, making me think of home for a brief moment.

I have been growing out my hair for years, it has finally just reached the bottom of my back. To keep it out of the way and protect it from getting back into the dreadful mess it was, I begin to french braid it off to side.

Well still sitting at the desk, I then look at my engagement ring. Seeing all the hell I would be going through it seems no longer wise to just wear it all about. But I don’t trust leaving it in my cabin either, I begin to slip it off my finger, but with this gesture my finger instantly feels bare. Like it’s almost still there but it’s not. I feel it building it up, and then a small tear flowing down my cheek. I remember what I saw… _Taylor is gone_. I have to accept that in this reality the love of my life is dead. I couldn’t not wear it just yet. I slip it back onto my finger, my finger feeling at home with its presence.

I get up and leave the little cabin and am amazed by all the people standing outside my door. All whispering about how I am the Herald, how I saved them. People were talking about how heroic I was. About how they should keep quiet to not disturb me.

I reach the top part of Haven. There are less people up here, but I can still hear the whispers about me. What amazes me the most is that these people where just glaring at me with hate not too long ago and now they take me as their savior, I couldn't be as forgiving as them.

I finally make it to the chantry. The beautiful little church. The doors were huge!! I never realized how big they were while playing the game. It was a work out just pushing them open! Inside I walk the familiar hall of the chantry soaking in everything I am seeing. It might be because I was always viewing the chantry on such a small screen but it felt way bigger actually being in it.

It smelled strongly of pine and the mix of when a candle has been burning to long and it’s just down to wax. I walk all the way to the door of the war room knowing I was to meet Cassandra, and the rest of the advisors.

“Chain her. I want her prepared for travel to the capital for trial.” The chancellor says to me. “Disregard that and leave us.” Cassandra orders the guards. They salute and walk out of the room. “You walk a dangerous line, Seeker.” The chancellor snarls back.

 “The breach is stable, but if it still a threat. I will not ignore it.” Cassandra replies to him. “I’m sorry I couldn’t close it. I did what I could…” I mumble out.

“She is still a suspect!!” The chancellor yells. “No. She is not.” Cassandra says with rage and a glare, Leliana steps in glaring at the chancellor “Someone was behind the explosion at the conclave. Someone Most Holy did not expect. Perhaps they died with the others-or have allies who yet live.”

“I am suspect?” the chancellor replies. “You and many others.” Leliana answers his question.

 “But not the prisoner!” He says with anger. “I heard the voices in the temple. The divine called to her for help.” Cassandra says looking at me. “So her survival, that thing on her hand!! All a coincidence?” He says angrily crossing his arms.

“Providence. The maker sent her to us in our darkest hour.” “Are you sure?” I said confusingly. “I am sure of it.” Cassandra replies. “The breach remains, and your mark is still our only hope of closing it. It has to be.” Leliana finishes.

“This is not for you to decide!” the chancellor yells.

“You know what this is, Chancellor.” Cassandra slams a book on the table. “A writ from the Divine, Granting us the authority to act. At this moment, I declare the inquisition reborn. We will close the breach, we will find those responsible, and we will restore order. With or without your approval.” The chancellor storms out of the room and Leliana begins to speak. “This is the divine’s directive: rebuild the Inquisition of Old. Find those who will stand against the chaos. We aren’t ready. We have no leader, no numbers, and now no Chantry support. But we have no choice: We must act now. With you at our side.” Cassandra says looking at me. “Help us fix this before it’s too late.” I nod my head in approval, knowing I could not even argue with Cassandra on this if I wanted to.

I leave the Chantry and determine myself to find Solas, to talk about my dream, and try to find a way to explain it. But as I walk out the doors I bump into someone else. Commander Cullen. I stumble almost falling “I am sorry Herald!” As he reaches out to balance me, grabbing my hips, pulling me in close.

  _Why did I always have to be so clumsy! Stupid Julie_. I then pull my attention to Cullen, he had always pulled at my heart strings playing the game. _So innocent, so easy to fall in love._ I look up at him. _The familiar scar across his lip. But I feel the pain in my heart reemerge, the familiar-ness between him and Taylor was confirmed even more seeing Cullen in person_. “Uhh. You can call me Julie.” Stumbles off my lips without even thinking. No one knew my name but Solas, not any of the other advisors.

_STOP being so stupid Julie!!_

“I was not aware you had any memory of your name.” He said looking at me questionably “Solas helped me in the fade unlock a memory… In it I heard my name.” I reply back to him, looking directly into his deep golden eyes. Holding back my own tears “I haven’t had a chance to tell Leliana or Cassandra yet.”

“I see. I am Commander Cullen.” he replies smiling down at me, dang he is really tall in person! Or did I get shorter? I have always been tall on earth about 5'10". How tall am I now? I have an urge to ask how tall Cullen is but that would be silly.

“Well Julie. I hope that you are able to remember more of yourself.” “I hope so to.” I smile looking up to him, I then realize his hands were still gripping firmly to my hips

“Commander, I think you can let go of my hips now.” He blushes immediately removing his hands. “Herald, I mean Julie. Uggh.” He puts his hand up behind his neck lowering his head in embarrassment. _Aww the cute little Cullen._

 

* * *

 

 

I am standing outside of my cabin. Soaking in the winter air, and cool feeling of the snow at my bare feet. Of course I am casting a warming spell to keep them warm. Others might believe that I am getting frostbite but it takes very little mana to do this.

I see her. Our new Herald. Julie. Walking out of the Chantry and bumping into Cullen. She is very clumsy. I chuckle a bit to myself. I notice her new look. Her long silky golden hair now pulled into a braid. And the coat I outfitted her with was open with her lace top she first wore when I first met her. I look down a bit further and notice that the commander is holding her hips with such a grip it; for some reason I feel a anger grow in me. I have not had this feeling of protectiveness over someone so much, in a very long time. The commander now moves his hands from her hips and is heading back into the Chantry embarrassed, with a flush in her face she then begins to walk over to me.

“The chosen of Andraste, a blessed hero sent to save us all.” I say, she replies ever wittily “Oh I see I must be riding on a shining steed?” a smirk forming across her lips.

“I would have suggested a griffon, but sadly, they’re extinct. Joke as you will, posturing is necessary.” I look away, facing the mountains and the breach above. “I have traveled deep into the fade, in ancient ruins and battlefields to see the dreams of lost civilizations. I’ve watched as hosts of spirits clash to reenact the bloody past in ancients wars both famous an forgotten. Every great war has it’s heroes. I’m just curious what kind you’ll be.” I turn facing her, looking into her eyes. I see her eyes go into a deep sadness. I was not expecting this I was expecting her wit, like when I first met her.

“I am not sure Solas… I don’t believe I am ready for this… I am pathetic.” _She should not be this hard on herself_. A small tear rolling down off her face. My heart aches to see her like this. Even if I have known her for only such a short time. “Lethallan.” I say reaching out to her. “No. I didn’t want you to see me like this.” She says wiping the tear away from her face.

“I do have a question.” She says looking at me. “Do you think” her words stumble “do you think he is dead, the man in my dream…”

 I see the tears and raw emotion forming again her eyes. She knew more than she was letting on. But I have my own secrets as well I will not pester her about them. “Well from the little we saw… and him not being here right now… I do not see how he could be. I am sorry if this hurts you.” I look at her, she was about to burst.

“I knew it but… but I just didn’t want to accept it. I don’t” her lip starts to tremble and I see the tears begin to form freely. Streaming down her face.

“Can we try to find more memories some other time Solas?” She says looking at me with her blue eyes now bloodshot. “We can. Just let me know when you ready.” it has pained me in my parts I have not known existed any longer seeing her like this “Dareth shiral, Lethallan” I say to her. I see a small smile form on her lips as she nods and begins to return to her cabin.

It has pained me so seeing her upset. I just want to reach out and pull her into my embrace protecting her from any type of harm, emotional or physical. These urges... To protect someone... To care for someone... Are not in my nature any longer, I don't understand where they are coming from. I have a directive myself, I must right the wrong I did by giving Corypheus the orb. I cannot let infatuation get it my way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Elven Translations from dragon age wiki Elven Language: http://dragonage.wikia.com/wiki/Elven_language
> 
> Lethallan/Lethallin: Casual reference used for someone with whom one is familiar. Lethallin is used for males, while lethallan is used for females.  
> Dareth shiral: Used as a "farewell" it means, "Safe journey".


	6. The Inquisition is Born

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back!! Sorry for making you guys wait for almost a month for a update! Life kept getting in the way and then when I had time I had a bit of writers block! But I can definitely say I am back on track! I hope you enjoy and as always I love the feedback! 
> 
> Also anyone else mega happy about the Trespasser DLC release? Because I loved how I was able to learn a bit more about Solas' character for my story!! Oh also this story is taking place pre-Trespasser & Descent release. Basically Julie thinks she knows Solas' plan but actually does not at all. Also when we get to plot of Descent I want Julie to freak out about not knowing whats going on. 
> 
> **Disclaimer I do not own or claim any rights to Dragon age characters or dialogue.
> 
> *** 10/30/15 Revisions completed.

I am in one of her dreams, I find myself drawn to her not only in the physical realm but here as well. Her control over the fade is quite strong, something I haven’t experienced since before I took my great Uthenera.

I focus my attention on Julie now, she is just a small child no older than 5 her ears to awkward in size for her head, her hair a mess like any young elven child’s is. She is running around in deep snow with another little girl with brown hair and glasses, this girl was curiously human. “Molly you can’t get me.” She yells as she throws a ball of snow at the other little girl hitting her square in the chest.

“I am going to tell on you!” The other girl yells at her while sticking out her tongue playfully, and they continue running around have a having a small war with them.

I look around at my surroundings we are located at a frozen lake and with a small cabin with a red roof made out of a material I had not seen yet here in Thedas. I walk up to the cabin entering it, is this her parent’s home from where she lived? There was a man and women inside the cabin talking, both humans and both have dark hair and brown eyes just like the little girl outside. _Maybe this is one of her friend’s home?_

Julie and other little girl barge into the cabin, Julie yelling “Momma! Can I get some Hot Coco, I’m freezing!” The now presumed mother scoops up Julie.

How curious, Julie was raised by humans, being an elf that is quite strange. I do not disrupt the dream as I watch the mom pour the liquid out of a tea kettle for Julie and the other little girl. I pull my attention from Julie and wander the cabin.

It has things I have never seen before in Thedas. There is a black box that seemed to be showing a lighted moving picture from it, and there is light emitting from strange cone shaped items, attached to poles. Another thing to be quite curious about.

It seems that Julie is not from Thedas at all… I wonder if she knows. As I turn to look at her, sitting at the table poking the other girl I assume to now be her sister.

I remember Mythal explaining to me once that the humans. Had originated from somewhere far, far away, and that some of their kind had discovered a way to reach our world from their own. I wonder if Julie is from this place.

One key detail Mythal told me though that there was only humans in this world, no dwarves, elves or quanari. So her being an elf deludes this theory.

I feel everything beginning to ripple away, Julie was awakening I get one last quick glance around the cabin and I find myself in the raw fade.

 

* * *

 

 

Ugh. I never thought out of everything I would now be missing I would miss my butt of a little sister. Thinking about the dream I just had. But being honest I missed my whole family. Even though my little sister never failed to annoy me. I wish I got a chance to say goodbye before ending up here. I feel the tears fight through. _No I cannot cry_. I already embarrassingly cried in front of Solas I do not need to do this. I lock my emotions away.

I hear a soft knock on my door, and the same voice of that elven girl I met upon awakening for the second time here in Haven. “My lady, are you awake?”

“Yes I am, you may come in.” I reply to her. She is trembling as she walks in so nervous carrying a tray of food. “Lady Montilyet wanted me to deliver this to you. And she walks over to my desk placing the tray. She then scrambles her fingers through her satchel and pulls out a piece of paper. “She also wanted me to give you this. She said it was your plan for the day.” She says well handing the piece of paper to me. Myself still lying in bed. “Thank you.” I reply smiling at her. “Your welcome my lady, it is my honor to serve you.” She bows and basically makes a full on sprint out my cabin door.

The poor girl, she should not be afraid of me. I get myself out of my warm covers and walk over to my desk to see what I had received for breakfast, it seems to be a poached egg, a small loaf of bread, some type of apple looking fruit, and a glass of water.

I had not realized how parched I had been as I grasped at the glass and successfully drank the whole thing. I begin to eat the apple fruit and looked at the piece of paper. It was outline of events for the day. I had to first go meet with Josephine to discuss political matters, it looks like she scribbled in some type of break period, and then announcing the Inquisition to all of Haven, then I was to meet Cullen for field training. I chuckle to myself as I am sure Cassandra arranged this because of my horrible fighting. It is good Josephine has given me such a busy day… Give me less time to think about Taylor... and home.

I find myself straightening up looking in the small mirror again, tracing my vallaslin, no matter how intriguing and beautiful they are I want them off of my face. I wonder if I could ask Solas to remove them. But then he would know that I defiantly know more than I have been letting on.

After finishing my breakfast, I leave my cabin, my hair is in a long French braid again, as I make my way up to the chantry to speak with Josephine and I see Solas as per usual standing outside of his cabin. I want to wave but at the same time I remind myself what he has done and instead I walk by him prideful trying to avoid eye contact and walking into the chantry.

I walk into Josephine’s office to find the “rightful” owner of Haven speaking to her. “The Inquisition cannot remain, Ambassador, if you can’t prove it was founded on Justinia’s orders.” He snarks out at her.

 “This is an inopportune time, marquis, more of the faithful flock here each day.” She looks over at me noticing my presence “But allow me to introduce you to the brave soul who risked her life to slow the magic of the breach. Lady Julie, may I present the Marquis DuRellion, on of Divine Justinia’s greatest supporters.” He interrupts Josephine’s speech, “and the rightful owner of Haven. House DeRellion lent Justinia these lands for a pilgrimage. This “Inquisition” is not a beneficiary of this arrangement.”

I reply quickly “This is the first I’ve heard of Haven having an owner outside the Chantry.”

“My wife, Lady Machen of Denerim, had claim to Haven by ancient treaty with the monarchs of Ferelden. We were honored to lend its use to Divine Justinia. She is… She was a woman of supreme merit. I will not let an upstart order remain on her Holy Grounds” He replies angrily.

“Interesting, considering the Inquisition was begun by the left and right hands of the Divine.” Remembering what I always said when playing the game. It is helpful that I played through it so many times.

“I’ve seen no written records from Sister Leliana, or Seeker Pentaghast that Justinia approved the Inquisition.” I feel bad for Josephine that she has to deal with these type of people all day. But ever is she ready for it as she replies.

“If he won’t take her at her word, I’m afraid Seeker Pentaghast must challenge him to a duel.” Even under a mask I see the fear and panic in the Marquis face. “WHAT!” he yells in shock. “It is a matter of honor among the Nevarrans, shall I arrange the bout for tonight?” Josephine says ever so smoothly starting to mock jot down information.

“NO! No. Perhaps my reaction to the Inquisition’s presence was somewhat hasty.” He replies out of fear “We face a dark time, your grace. Divine Justinia would not want her passing to divide us. She would, in fact, trust us to forge new alliances to the benefit of all, no matter how strange they might seem.” “I’ll think on it, Lady Montilyet. The Inquisition might stay in the meanwhile” the Marquis says well retreating the room.

“I’m so pleased the Marquis isn’t tossing us out into the cold.” I say to Josephine noticing her smile. “His grace is only the first of many dignitaries we must contend with.” I see the look of exhaustion in her eyes “You expect more people in Haven?” “Undoubtly, and each visitor will spread the story of the Inquisition after they depart. An Ambassador should ensure the tale is as complimentary as possible.” She says well strolling to sit at her desk. “The Inquisition is lucky to have you as an advocate, Lady Montilyet.” I say well giving a courteous bow.

“Thank you. Let us hope so. Now on to business for today.” she says before getting off track. “We must prepare you for our announcement today. I have had a hot bath prepared for you as well as some light Inquisition armor in your cabin. You may go prepare yourself and then Cullen will come and retrieve you when it’s time to make the formal announcement. Cassandra will do the speaking, we are just showing our support.” _A bath!! Oh my dear god._ I am so excited I have not had a chance to clean myself since being here, I wanted to get this grime off! “I will get right on those preparations Josephine.” I say beaming. Today could not be a better day!

I eagerly rush back to my cabin to take my bath. Once entering my cabin I see a giant copper tub right smack in the center of the cabin filled with steaming water. It looked delightful, I quickly strip, throw my hair into a bun, and jump right in. The warm water gently caressing my sore joints, the bed they have supplied me with is better than the dungeon floor, but defiantly no comparison to my bed at home. I grab some of the soaps and oils Josephine must have given the servants. Most are too aloofly but I found one oil that smelled right a subtle mix of roses and a tinge of musk. Reminding me of one of my favorite perfumes back home.

I begin rubbing it all over my body and oh I feel so clean! So much cleaner than I have in days! I can’t help myself as I begin to drift off into a quick nap, embracing the warmth and wonderful smells around me.

I get interrupted from my nap by a loud knock of the cabin door. “Who is it?” I yell quickly. “Cullen.” I hear him yell. _Snap! I must have fallen asleep longer than I expected!_ “Oh one moment!!” I quickly scramble out of the warmth looking around for something to cover myself and I see a white cloth drooped over my desk chair. I quickly wrap it around myself.

“Oh, okay you can come in!” I yell back, and I hear the door creak open and see him

“Maker’s breath! I didn’t know you where indecent! I am sorry!” he says shielding his eyes a flush of red now in his cheeks.

“I have a towel covering myself I am not completely indecent, Cullen” I didn’t realize what type of affect it would have on Cullen him seeing me like this, I was never really shy about my body once I got older, I went from being the tall lankly sickly looking child to the body everyone dreamed of once I hit about 16.

“I was just, I was just. Uh forgive me. I was just seeing if you were ready for the announcement? Josephine said you should be ready by now.” He says well peaking between his fingers “Oh yes! Just let me get dressed! I will meet you outside!” he then exits my cabin.

I glance over at the armor Josephine had put out on my bed. It was a long purple toned leather coat, I believe made out of ram leather if I remember my leathers correctly, paired with a black undershirt and metal chest plate, and also a pair of black long leather boots and leather pants matching the same leather as the jacket. I quickly slip on the outfit, as quickly as I possibly could, that chest plate was impossible to work with! I throw my hair down out of the bun, it was an untamed mess but my long natural curls helped it look like I almost purposely made it look that way, I begin to exit my cabin, with one last quick look in my small mirror. I looked like some type of bad ass I would see in TV shows.

“I am glad to see you now decent” Cullen says nervously with the red now retreating from his face. Well let’s just get past this embarrassing bump in the road. “Yeah… Let’s go meet Cassandra, and the rest of the group.”

Cassandra’s announcement was powerful, it needed to be. Everyone in Haven cheered with an uproar when she asked if they would join and stand with the Inquisition. When playing the game these people where just extra’s their lives really didn’t mean much to me, but being here with them… They do. I had to get people out of Haven I had to save them, before Corypheus can kill these innocents.

Shortly after the announcement Cullen and I retreat to begin the training session.

“So Cassandra said you did have experience with a bow so I thought it would be best to start there?” he informs me. “Yeah but I really don’t remember how to use one.” I inform him very concerned.

We are now practicing with the target and I cannot even hit it!! I don’t know how I will be even able to hit a moving enemy. Cullen is giving me all types of pointers but they make me just want to punch him in the face I am getting so impatient, I hate not being good at something or not winning. I have always had the troubles with this as a child. Him saying oh move a little more this way and that is just getting on my nerves. He finally gives up on verbally explaining letting out a deep breathed sigh. I think he can tell my frustration building.

“Okay here, just let me help you.” I feel his large warm hand cupping my back, straightening it. His other arm wraps around me helping me aim my arm just a bit more up than I was used to, with his fingers he then adjusts my head down a bit. “Okay now take a deep breath, and when you release, release the arrow.” I do exactly as he says I take a giant deep breath and as I release, I release the arrow it flying straight through the air landing right in the center of the target!!

 “I DID IT! I DID IT!” I screamed with joy, grabbing Cullen into a hug. He felt so familiar to me. His strength his large hands. Just like Taylor. I want to cry, and hold onto him forever all at the same time.


	7. Reality

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I wrote this chapter late last night and I am just to excited about how it turned out so I had to post it! If there is any visible errors please let me know so I can fix them I am just to excited to not post it! 
> 
> I am mostly excited because I have some plot twists coming up that I am very anxious to get onto paper!
> 
> Anyways as always your comments and kudos are very much appreciated!! <3
> 
> **Disclaimer I do not own or claim any rights to Dragon age characters or dialogue.
> 
> *** 10/30/15 Revisions are now complete!!! YAY!

As the days have been passing I know for sure none of this is a dream, like I suspected but for now it’s more concrete. I have been to my knowledge here for about 2 weeks.

The loss of Taylor hasn’t gotten any easier though, most nights I end up crying myself to sleep. I am trying desperately to cling to his imagine in my memories. What he looked like. His human self, not the elf I see in dreams.

Cullen helps with that though, unknowingly that is. He reminds me of Taylor so much that if I close my eyes when he is helping me with the bow I can imagine its Taylor holding me, teaching me. I feel like I’m using Cullen a bit as a coping mechanism, spending so much time with him… But it’s all that feels right, right now.

Solas and I are growing closer as well. My only issue with him is actually trusting him. I can tell he has genuine concern for me. But knowing how many hearts of mine he has broken. I just can’t fully trust him. If I let myself grow close to him I am just setting myself up for disappointment as he will surly abandon me once I have saved the orb, because oh do I plan on saving it for him, I will not just let it fall to the ground like my other inquisitors I will hold onto that thing like my life depends on it.

Today we are supposed to be departing to the Hinderlands, we tried a few days ago but I have never rode a horse in my life so let’s just say I got bucked off and no one was happy about that. Cullen came running to my side, where Solas quickly pushed him out of the way and healed my wounds with his magic saying I needed training, and scolding me for not telling anyone I never rode before in which I upset him a bit more when I said I thought it would be easy.

Cullen of course offered to train me, and I won’t say I didn’t mind. Riding the horse with him. Being close to him. His big arms wrapping around me.

I know that Cullen is developing feelings for me… The way he blushes when we are close, just the way I catch him looking at me sometimes and I might be developing them for him to… But I am not sure if I actually am, or if he is just so much like Taylor, which I find myself often pretending him to be. I feel guilty using him this way. I am going to have to tell him the truth eventually.

One thing about leaving I am not looking forward to is, I am going to be fighting people. Another thing I dreaded. I know what happens when we get to the Hinderlands. There is so much bloodshed between the Mages and Templers… And if they attack I would have to kill a person. _A true person._ I don’t understand how I am going to handle it. Demons are different they aren’t a physical person, and with my empathy levels always being through the roof I don’t see ending well. But I am the Herald and I can’t run from the death forever.

Luckily the Hinderlands are only half a day’s ride away. That is why I am even up at this ungodly hour, thinking to myself. I wish sometimes that I had my iPhone or something to keep my entertained when I am just sitting in my quarters. I must make a mental note to ask Solas for some books.

I have pondered about removing my engagement ring before the trip but I could still not find myself to part with, I have moved it over to my right hand, but… I just can’t rid of it yet. Josephine promised to keep it safe when I told her the meaning it had to me even though I didn’t remember much else, and Josie is someone I know I can trust or even better I could leave it in Leliana’s hands she would slay to protect it but I can’t part with it yet.

I walk out of my cabin in my newly acquired armor, a metal chest plate made out of iron with the Inquisition symbol engraved on it, and a long coat made out of bear leather. My pants where leather as well but made out of ram, and I had these long black boots on that stopped just before my knee. Well it was almost the basic hunter’s coat just with a chest plate. But it keeps more protected than just the coat itself.

I had a small bag attached to my hip filled with 4 healing potions and some snacks that Flissa gave me for the road, the bar keep Flissa and I have actually came very fast friends. I love hearing the secrets she overhears and I think she just loves to have someone that she can actually gossip with.

Just having the random bow I found, Cullen took me over to Seggrit and bought me the best bow he had. I tried to stop him but Cullen gave me this look like don’t fight me about this or else. So I didn’t stop him. With the new bow my shot has tremendously improved! So I feel better that my horribleness wasn’t all due to my lack of skill.

One thing though that really worries Cullen is that I haven’t actually hit anything that was attacking me yet or anything moving, but I can now get a bull’s eye without anyone’s help now. Cullen recommend we go hunt some fennecs a few days ago, and we tried and failed because as soon as I saw how cute they were in person I cried with joy. How can someone kill an adorable animal like that! I pleaded with Cullen if I could adopt one and he just let out a big sigh. Mumbling something like “Maker help me.” It just made me burst out in laughter.

I walk over to the gates of Haven and see Solas, Cullen, Cassandra, and Varric all waiting. Cullen holding the reigns of my horse, his hand just barley brushes mine as he hands me the reigns. “I hope that our practicing has prepared you for this.” His golden eyes staring into mine.

“I hope so to, Cullen.” I could feel my cheeks flush a bit. Cullen quickly looks away hiding his own blushing and helps me mount my horse, when Cassandra yells “Open the gates.” I hear Cullen whisper under his breath “Maker, please keep her safe.” And I turn around one last time waving at Cullen as we rode off.

We had been moving for what seemed like more than a day when we finally arrive at the small camp Scout Harding had acquired. Solas and I gather the horses bringing them to the make shift stable she had set up. I pat my horses silky mane. “Thank you for getting me here safe.” I say while is lets out a loud “Nneee” almost like a thank you, it nuzzles my head. I give it a pat and Solas notices my affection towards the horse.

“I see that your horse has taken a liking to you.” “Well I think she is just happy that she only has to carry me and not Cullen as well.” I chuckle. Something about bringing up time spent with Cullen upsets Solas, I could see it in his face.

He always seemed proud when I explained what I accomplished during the day when I would come to him and we would try to work on my magic. But did not seem to approve of the former Templar. “I am sure she is happy indeed.” He replies faking a small smile as we walk over to where Cassandra was talking to Scout Harding.

“The Herald of Andraste! I’ve heard the stories. Everyone has. We know what you did at the breach.” She explains to me. “It’s odd for a Dalish Elf to care what happens to anyone else, but you’ll get no back talk here, that’s a promise. Inquisition Scout Harding, at your service, I-all of us here we’ll do whatever we can to help.”

Varric replies before I even get to “Harding, Huh? Ever been to Kirkwall’s Hightown?” _Oh my gosh Varric_! “I haven’t why?” Scout Harding replies. “You’d be Hardin in… Oh, never mind.” Cassandra makes a disgusted noise, in reply.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you Scout Harding. I am Julie.” I finally get to reply. She quickly interrupts “We should get to business. The situation’s pretty dire. We came to secure horses from Redcliff’s old horse master. I grew up here, and people always said that Dennet’s Herds where the strongest and fastest this side of the Frostbacks. But with the Mage-Templar fighting getting worse. We couldn’t get to Dennet. Maker only knows if he’s still alive. Mother Giselle’s at the Crossroads helping refuges and the wounded. Our latest reports stay that the war’s spread there, too. Corporal Vale and our men are doing what they can to help protect the people, but they won’t be able to hold out very long. You best get going no time to lose.” Okay so I have to prepare myself to go into this very real war. The Hinderlands did not seem as boring to me anymore as it did playing the game.

As we are leaving the camp, I see a requisition officer “a word for you” she says, handing me a requisition. It’s a crumpled up note at the top it says Hinderlands Tapestry Requisition. We need 5 rolls of velveteen and 4 decorative gems.

Okay… So in the game I would normally just loot dead bodies for this… But I don’t believe I can anymore! Like oh my god! I’m going to possibly have to kill people. I feel an onset panic attack dwelling.

I cannot let this happen I can’t. Taylor was normally the only one able to pull me out of them and he is not here… I look over at Cassandra, “Let’s head out.” Trying to control my breaths.

 I crumple the note up and put it in my back pocket. As we begin descending down the hill, I see them. The bodies lying on the ground dead. Rebel Mages. _Don’t freak out. Don’t freak out._ I take deep exhalations.

I hear loud yelling and screaming as we make it around the corner, I see an innocent young girl being attacked by a Templar. “We must help the refugees!” Solas yells. As he gracefully moves ahead of me. Wielding his staff, magic flying out of the tip. Cassandra goes charging ahead and Varric begins shooting his crossbow. I reach back pulling an arrow from my quiver and I aim at one of the new Templars running to the other Templars aid. I hold my breath aim, and release.

I watch my arrow flying through the air and slicing through the side of the man’s arm. I see the blood flowing from his newly acquired wound. _Do I need to kill him?_ I hesitate.

He looks at me with such anger, instead of charging at the other Templar that was defending himself from Varric and Cassandra, he begins to charge at me. Solas quickly sees what’s happening and casts a barrier spell over me.

I instantly feel an incredible feeling of his magic clinging tightly to my skin. When I hear the Templar yell something at us, and the barrier rips away, a connection that I didn’t know I had was torn away as well, I feel my chest tightening like I was an empty shell, a piece of me disconnected.

Solas pulls me out of it by yelling “He has dispelled my magic!” _How is this even a fair war if Templars have this ability_! Varric and Cassandra where still battling the other Templar so it left this one all up to me. I reach back grab another arrow, release and it hits the Templar right in the middle of his forehead.

I hadn’t realized how close he was to hitting Solas or I, until his sword falls out of this hands. Him falling to his knees and then landing face first into the grass below. I hear Varric yell “Nice shot kid!” I look down at the man laying almost at my feet, blood pooling below him and see Varric and Cassandra had killed the other Templar.

My thoughts begin racing. I feel it settling in _. I can’t take this. I just killed a man. I am going to hell. What if he had a family? What if he was just a good man caught up in this war?_ I feel my chest tighten. The warm surge of feeling all my blood moving beneath my skin. My head feels the familiar rush. Thoughts are rushing a million times an hour. _How could you kill him, you provoked him, you are evil, you are going to hell, you didn’t have to kill him, yes you did_. All filling my head.

I am choking back on my breath. I fall to my knees. Everything is blurry, vision is fading. I hear Varric yell out. “Shit kid, have you never killed a person before?” I can’t even reply as I forcing myself to attempt to breath I see a shadow kneel next to me.

“It is okay, you are safe.” He whispers pulling me into an embrace, its Solas. I want to let go slip into the darkness. I try on focusing on taking deep breaths. I breathe in and out. In and out. I breathe out. “I… I… Killed him.” I choke back the tears.

“He was trying to kill us Julie. We had to stop him.” My vision begins to clear. I look at Solas no longer a shadow, a large frown was formed across his face. “Did we?” I question. Then the girl that we saved came and kneeled at my feet. “You saved me. I have no way to repay you Herald. But offer you my thanks. I will be returning to my family and village now.” And off she ran.

“See, Julie. That poor refugee was about to be killed for no reason. We had to stop the Templars. Now she can go back to her family. You saved someone.” _I did. I saved her. She might have children at home. They were not good men. She was no mage. They were hunting her for the sport of it._ My breath begins to calm. _He would’ve killed me, if I would have hesitated_. I suck in the warmth of Solas’ comfort, before I stand.

“You will not have to hurt another today. I ensure you.” Solas says to me looking me in the eyes. I look down at the man that I just murdered. I remember his face charging at me. I close my eyes for a moment and weakly reply “Okay.”

When I feel a burst of ice hit me square in the chest knocking me back from Solas onto the ground.

I watch Solas’ face turn from calm to pure anger as he slams his staff into the ground and Cassandra and Varric run off to attack the apostates now attacking us. I feel my chest. It’s hard to breath. I had to break a rib or two. As I reach down to my bag and pull out one of the elfroot potions I had quickly drinking it down.

I feel relief in my ribs as I struggle to sit up. I look at them battling the mages. It was 4 against 3 this time. If only I wasn’t such a wimp. I could be fighting to. I begin to stand and reach back to my bow ready to fight when I feel Solas grab my arm.

“Not now Julie. I made a promise and I intend on keeping it.” As he herds me into the nearby bushes. Then rejoins the others continuing to cast spells. They quickly slay the apostates and then of course more Templars come! _The crossroads are a mess!!!_ Solas keeps a barrier over me as I stay hidden away from the dangers in the trees. All I want to do is cry. _So much death. So much needless death._

After the fight is over I see Solas switch his current staff for a better one that was laying with a dead apostate, and then we walk into the village to meet with Inquisition soldiers. They direct us to where Mother Giselle is located.

I overhear her talking to a hurt refugee. “There are mages here who can heal your wounds. Lie still.” The refugee refused “Don’t… Let them touch me, Mother. Their magic…” She replies elegantly “turned to Nobel purpose, their magic is surely no more evil than you blade.” “But” he tries to interrupt. “Hush, dear boy. Allow them to ease your suffering.”

“Mother Giselle?” I ask. She replies back “I am. And you must be the one they’re calling the Herald of Andraste.” “I heard that you asked for me and I was to come and find you.”

“Yes.” She nods continuing “I know of the Chantry’s Denouncement, and I’m familiar with those behind it. I won’t lie to you: some of them are grandstanding, hoping to increase their chances of becoming the new Divine. Some are simply terrified. So many good people. Senselessly taken from us…”

“I have seen it with my own eyes.” I reply. Thinking of Taylor. “With no Divine, we are each left to our own conscience–and mine tells me this. Go to them. Convince the remaining clerics you are no demon to be feared. They have heard only frightful tales of you. Give them something else to believe.” Hearing her say that made me want to roll my eyes. Seriously because I am the girl who just had a panic attack for killing someone that was unjustly trying to attack an innocent refugee. _I am totally something to fear._

“So you want me to make an appeal to them?” knowing I had to go to meet more aggressive Templars soon. “If I thought you were incapable. I wouldn’t suggest it.” I remain silent racking my own thoughts. _How can she think I am capable? So much belief all in me._

“Let me put it this way: You needn’t convince them all. You just need some of them to doubt. Their power is their unified voice. Take that from them, and you receive the time you need.”

“Thank you for actually believing in me.” I reply. “I honestly don’t know if you’ve been touched by fate or sent to help us… But I hope. Hope is what we need now. The people will listen to your rallying call, as they will listen to no other. You could build the Inquisition into a force that will deliver us… or destroy us. I will venture to Haven, and provide sister Leliana the names of those in the Chantry who would be amenable to a gathering. It is not much, but I will do whatever I can.” She then departs strolling away to help more sick.

It is now dark out. I hadn’t realized that the sun had went down during my talk with Mother Giselle. The small village now flickering with torches lighting it up. Mother Giselle gave us a cabin that we could use for the night. In it there where 4 beds. One almost full size and the other’s 3 small cots.

“Julie can have the large bed. The rest of us will just have our pick.” Cassandra announces.

“Of course she gets that one.” Varric huffs. “I will go get us some grub.” As he walks out of the cabin. Solas follows suit. It is now just Cassandra and I. She begins to prepare to light the fireplace in the cabin.

“We shouldn’t have taken you here yet.” She apologizes well shuffling a few logs in the fireplace. “You are not ready.”

“Cassandra. I don’t think I would ever be ready to kill someone…” I say as I blankly stare at what she is doing. “But we should have prepared you more for what you were coming into.” Oh I knew. “Nothing could have prepared me.” As I take off my jacket and chest plate.

Now just wearing a light shirt. I feel a sharp pain in my ribs. Oh that’s right no one healed me. I guess the elfroot potion was just sort of like a very strong Tylenol but with minor healing properties. I lift up my shirt inspecting the damage, my ribs where not broken but defiantly bruised.

Varric comes back in with 2 plates, Solas right behind him carrying his and what I assumed was mine. “Here you go Julie.” As he passes me the plate. I look down at it. Well luckily there are still potatoes in this world as I looked at the baked potato thrown onto the plate, and I see a rather tough looking piece of meat right next to it.

I picked up the potato and take a big bite out of it, it doesn’t taste too much different then home actually! As I enjoy it. Solas looks over at me seeming rather pleased I was eating.

“Do you want to talk about what happen today?” He asks. As a vision of the dead Templar curses my mind. I have suddenly lost my appetite “No, I am actually tired.” As I set my food down on ground. I retreat to my bed. Taking of my boots, and slipping under the covers than removing my pants. Trying to drift off into sleep.

 

* * *

 

 

I shouldn’t have asked Julie about the dead Templar… She didn’t finish her food because of it and I know she needed the nutrients.

I sigh well lying in my small cot. I look over at her, sleeping seemly peaceful with her hair tossed across her face. She had managed to somehow take up that whole bed. I begin to drift off into the fade when I hear an ear piercing scream.

I awaken immediately reaching down to grab my staff tucked neatly under my cot. I look up and Cassandra and Varric have awoken immediately as well. I look over to the large bed and see Julie. She is not as peaceful as I just saw her any longer, she is now tossing and turning. Mumbling. She was in a full blown sweat. I get up off of my cot and quickly go to her aid. “Julie.” I say shaking her shoulders. “Wake up. It’s only a dream.” She is now yelling into the air “NO, NO, NO.”

I could see the pain in her face. I look down at her mark on her hand it was glowing a bright green. Crackling, and radiating magic. It was keeping her in the fade.

Cassandra now runs up to me. “Why won’t she awaken?” Obvious concern on her face… “I believe that the magic of the mark is keeping her trapped Seeker, in whatever nightmare she is facing.”

“Is there nothing we can do for her?” Cassandra yells. “I can try to reach her in the fade.” I say and go back to my cot drifting into the fade.

I begin focusing on her. Thinking of Julie, I feel her presence and I run to it. It feels like eternity when I finally find her. There she is crawling on her back away from the Templar. Yelling “I am sorry! I am sorry!!!” Tears streaming down her face.

“NO YOU ARE NOT! I HAD A FAMILY!” The Templar screams out. Grabbing her by the legs. Flipping her over. “I HAD CHILDREN! WHAT WILL THEY DO WITHOUT THEIR FATHER?!” He screams now into her face. And takes his sword out holding it up to her chest.

This demon playing on her fears enrages me! “ENOUGH! Demon!!” As I fade step over to the Templar snapping his neck. I then see another coming out from the shadows. Saying another chant “I wouldn’t have attacked you if you didn’t strike me first.” Blood gushing from this one’s arm. I fade step over to him as well and yell “that is enough demon! DO you not understand me! ENOUGH!” I hear another coming from the shadows. We have to get her away from this area of the fade I run up to Julie. “Julie you need to wake up.” Tears pouring from her blue eyes.

“I deserve this, I killed him, I didn’t have to” she moans.

“No you do not deserve this” I hold her in my arms as I focus on something else. Anything. Taking us back to Haven.

“How… How did you do this?” she asks whipping the tears from her eyes. We are now sitting in the cold ground in the middle of Haven “The fade will take you where you want to go. You just have to focus on it. That is how I got here. Think of something you want to see, focus on it.”

“I am sorry about what I said earlier. I should have never brought up the Templar. You needed your nutrients.” She looks surprised by my apology. “Solas, I am sure I would have had this dream regardless if you brought it up or not.”

“Indeed, but you would have eaten a full dinner.” I reply with more concern in my voice then I intended.

“I don’t really like meat anyways…” Julie replies. “May I ask why?” I said looking at her curiously. “Because you have to kill something to obtain it. I don’t understand why but my empathy for any living thing is always on overdrive. Instead of seeing nutrients on my plate when I look at meat I see a living creature just minding its own business and then BAM. Death and torture. Just so that I can have a meal… I just rather eat vegetables or fruits things that will go bad if they don’t get eaten.”

The look of sadness fills her eyes, “One time my father tried to take me fishing. FISHING okay I reeled up my fish and then my father said okay now you have to kill it, and handed me this bat to hit in on the head. I was about to and just started crying like a little baby, we ended up having to release it. I just can’t harm others. It’s not who I am… Just like with the Templar… Even if he was doing something evil in that moment who says he didn’t do good before getting ordered to go out and kill mages, and was corrupted.”

 _How can someone from this point in time be so wise? So inherently good…_ She reminds me much of Mythal, with her love and hope for all beings. But wait, she just told me about a memory an actual memory, she has either regained some or she has been hiding a deeper truth. “Julie you have surprised me. In more ways than one.” She seems to take that as a compliment as she forces a weak smile across her face.

“What I am most surprised about though you just recalled a memory.” Her face goes from a smile to pure panic. “Yes… about my memories.” She turns hiding her face from me. I remember my promise I will not pester her about her secrets. “You don’t have to tell me.”

I reply grabbing her shoulder, I feel the relief in her breath. “I wasn’t lying, I don’t know who I am.” I am instantly confused by that statement. “But.” I go to question and she quickly interrupts. “I was never a elf.” She turns facing me. Looking me in the eyes I can sense the truth she tells.

“I was just an ordinary human girl. Well I looked exactly like this but no tattoos on my face and human ears. Taylor and I were just sleeping on my couch with my dog. And then bam I am here, waking up to Cassandra questioning me, and then I discover that I am a elf. I freak out and then am thrown into this world. Not my world. And each time I dream now I am elf, I don’t understand! But not everyone is elves in my dreams. Only Taylor & I so far, and I am completely confused, and I know I am probably making no sense. But I am not from here! And I miss home, and I know that Taylor is more than likely dead, and oh my gosh my dog! Is she just at home not getting fed dying! It’s been almost a month! I haven’t thought of her tell now.” I sense another panic attack about to happen. Her breath quickening and pules rises. My suspicion was right indeed about her being from another world.

“That is what I expected.” Saying this did not help Julie’s panic attack, as she fell to the ground, gasping for breath. “What do you mean expected?!” she breaths out, myself now holding her upright. “Well I stumbled upon one of your dreams. I didn’t mean to, I was drawn to it. It was a memory of you, and I believe your sister you were at a cabin that had things I have not seen ever in this world, but as I have my own secrets I did not pester you about yours. I was not sure if you even recalled the dream either.”

“Oh my stupid little sister” she cries out the tears she has been holding back for so long burst out. “What type of role model am I going to be for her now? My parents. My friends. Everyone I have ever known. They must think me dead.” She cries into my arms. “I can try to see if there is a way to get you back?” her eyes brighten and then darken all at the same time.

 “But without Taylor... I need to find out what happen to him before I even attempt to leave. I rather just get my memories back of why I am here in the first place.” I nod in agreement holding her to my chest. “We can work on that as well.” I reply holding her tightly. I must help her, I have to put off my duty to ensure her safety, I cannot see a pure soul like hers be damaged in what’s to come of this world.


	8. Pine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> REVISIONS ARE COMPLETE! happy day! Hope you enjoy the chapter. I worked very hard on it. I think got my creative juices finally flowing again! 
> 
> Anyways as always your comments and kudos are very much appreciated!! <3
> 
> **Disclaimer I do not own or claim any rights to Dragon age characters or dialogue.

A warm brightness is engulfing my body, the warmth feels good but also the brightness is sharp as it forces me to open my eyes. I am awake.

I reach down to the floor with my hand and try to find my pants, once retrieved I slip them on and then attempt to sit up as I feel the pain in my ribs resurface. _Dang bruise_. I don’t bother putting on my shoes. For one it wasn’t as cold here like it was in Haven, and two no way am I going to try to struggle to put those on just yet.

 I venture not that far from the cabin as I sit down by a small stream watching the sun rise above the mountains. It truly is a beautiful sight. I wish the game designers hadn’t held this beauty back from us.  

When all of a sudden I hear footsteps behind me. _Why didn’t I grab a weapon!_ I turn around ready to flee when I notice it is Solas.

“Expected something else.” He remarks.

“Yes, actually I hadn’t realized anyone else was awake.” I reply, as he sits down next to me. The dream of the Templar curses my mind, as I close my eyes, trying to force it out of my mind. “Solas, I don’t think I can do this.”

“Do what Lethallan?” he questions. “Kill people Solas. I don’t think I can be the Herald the people need. The leader they desire I am not it. I am weak.”

“For one you are not weak, and the other part will get easier in time.” His words of comfort are not at all comforting in this moment. “Julie you are stronger than you know.” _How is that even feasible?_

“Solas I can’t even figure out how to control my magic. I am not strong.” He quickly interrupts “I disagree, you have picked up on how to shoot a bow with quite great skill in just two weeks, and as someone being so new to magic you have not let it consume you like some, I also don’t think you even realize but you emit healing magic from yourself naturally. A skill I have not found in this walking realm.”

“Healing magic? What are you talking about?” I question. My first time hearing this.

“Back when we first found you. I was trying to stop your fever from the mark, and your magic was already attempting to fight back the magic of the mark. Without this, you would have burned alive.”

“If my body uses my magic to heal itself how is it I still have this nasty bruise on my ribs.” I lift up my shirt in an attempt to show Solas. But to my surprise there is nothing there. “Yesterday when I was hit! All I had was a elfroot potion! No way could of it done this!” “My point is proven.” _Oh is he ever snarky._

“Yes but I do not have the mental capacity to hurt living things Solas, even if I am strong like you claim.”

“It will come in time, Lethallan, just don’t let your guilt consume you. We as creatures are not built to hurt others, but in the current state of the world we have no choice.”

Silence now surrounds us as we watch the sunrise complete. _He is right Julie. You really don’t have a choice._

 

* * *

 

As I wander the fade I stumble upon one of her dreams, a good dream that is, which she has had very few of lately.

Julie is but a little elven girl again, not more than 7 years old playing with that other elven boy from her dreams who was her betrothed, Taylor. They are building a small fort in what I assume to be is his room.

They are laughing and giggling about pretending to be camping when an older elven women walks in, with the Mythal vallaslin illustrated on her face just like Taylor, she looks strikingly familiar to me.

“Children what are you doing making such a mess in here.” She announces with her strong voice. I know that voice, she has to be an ancient Elvhenan? That is the only way I would know her. As I examine her features carefully. The long rich auburn hair, her defined features, and perfectly pointed ears.

“Mama!” The little boy yells “I am showing Julie what it’s like to go camping she has never been before!” the older elven women smiles. “Oh well maybe we will have take her with us sometime? Would you like that Julie.” The young version of Julie smiles, nodding her head. I don’t want to interrupt a good dream but I have to ask about this.

“Julie.” the younger version of Julie pulls herself away from looking at the older elven women and makes eye contact with me. “Solas!!! What are you doing here!” she scolds me, with her still child voice, making it slightly amusing.

“Truly I did not want to interrupt with your bad dreams of late.” I apologize looking at her child formed face.

“I just wanted to know if this women was an elf when you were back in your world.” I watch Julie as she pulls her eyes from looking at me to inspecting the women. “No she never was… And so far, I have only dreamed of Taylor being an elf. This is his mom.” she responds, answering my question.

 “How curious…” I reply, inspecting the women further.

“I just don’t understand Solas.” Julie interrupts as I look back at her she is now her older self again, her control of the fade has increased in the past few days.

“I don’t understand how any of us are elves now in my dream! Especially his mother! Why can’t I just have a normal life dream for once!” she says with a bit of frustration in her voice and a stomp of her foot.

 “I am sorry for interrupting, it’s just very curious, your situation that is.” I reply, as I debate on telling her that I have a feeling I know this women from somewhere, but that might bring up a lot of other questions I do not want to answer.

“No, Solas your interrupting my dream has nothing do with my frustration, I am more frustrated with myself and why all of a sudden is now TWO people I have known seemingly my whole life are elves, but not my family. I just honestly don’t understand.” I walk up to her pulling her into my arms. “We will solve this mystery together, I promise you.” I caresses her small head in my chest. We begin to part slowly as we make eye contact. I have feelings for this young elf. I cannot deny this any longer, as I begin to tighten the gap between us. The fade ripples around us as I wake up.

“Chuckles! Get up your turn for watch.” Varric interrupts. As he bellows himself into our shared tent and lays on his mat. Instantly asleep. I make my way out of tent and go sit by the fire, and begin the wait for daylight.

 

* * *

 

I cannot believe how the simplistic things can truly help people and make a difference in their lives. We have helped so many people in the Crossroads and the Hinderlands in general it’s almost hard to keep track of it all. I have defiantly considered it might be wise to start tracking what I am accomplishing for people or have yet to do for people in a journal, much like playing the game.

I also did not expect Solas to take me telling him that I am from another world so well. I actually am not sure what I expected but I did not expect that. I still haven’t told him what I know of this world. The future part, but I know when I am ready to tell him it will happen. Also last night I think he was going to kiss me in the fade. I know nothing for certain, but the way he looked at me… The way he held me.

We have just succeeded on recruiting horse master Dennet and are now on our way back to Haven. So that I can go to Val Royeaux to speak with the Chantry.

Cassandra and Varric are leading the way, bickering as usual. With a lot of disgusted noises coming from Cassandra. “I see you are lost in thought.” Solas has interrupted my talking to myself. “Yes, I am.” I reply. “I am nervous about going to Val Royeaux… What if no one believes in me? What if they just see the girl that is still shaken up about a Templar she killed over a week ago.” The Templar’s face still haunts me…  
  
“You do not give yourself enough credit, you also closed countless rifts, slaying too many demons to count, and helped every honest person you found on the way. You even attempted to help the villagers hunt.” He replies to me. “Oh shut up about that.” Thinking about chasing down the poor rams. I was screaming in horror as they chased the poor animals down… It was quite embarrassing. “You mean attempted to help. I scared off basically every animal within a 100 feet radius.” I laugh. “Now I didn’t say you succeed now did I? You did attempt that is what counts.” He explains as he laughs himself.

“Solas how do you always know the right things to say? You are always boosting my confidence.” I ask after the laughter subsides. “Most look at you a symbol, I look at you as more.” He bluntly says making my cheeks flush.

We make our way around one more pass and I see it, the village of Haven. “We are almost back!” I announce. “Hey drinks are on me tonight, for any of you that would like to join.” Varric gleefully announces. As he goes up to Cassandra nudging her with his elbow. She makes her glorious disgusted grunt. “Varric I would love nothing more.” She says sarcastically “What about you two back there?” he asks looking at both Solas and I. “I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” I reply, and truly I wouldn’t I needed a break! “Then I will attend as well.” Solas accepts with a small smirk on my face.

 

As we ride through the gates of Haven there is no one but the lovely commander Cullen waiting. “Thank the Maker!” Cullen yells into the air. As he runs up to my horse and I, assisting me in dismounting. I had forgotten how right it felt when his hands touch my hips. I almost close my eyes to imagine it was Taylor but then. _Julie if you are going to seek something with Cullen let it be real._ I keep my eyes open and stare into his golden ones, I feel my breath slip away. He is so undeniably handsome. “Cassandra in her updates...” He begins to trail off “I was worried about you. Are you okay?” he must be hinting at what happen with the Templar. _Will this curse me and follow me forever._

“I am. But I rather not talk about what happen.” I force a weak smile across my face. “Well then on another note.” He shyly says well doing his cute tuck one arm up behind his head avoiding eye contact pose. “We have been preparing for travel to Val Royeaux, since Cassandra messaged us letting us know you were on your way back. You will be leaving tomorrow afternoon? If that is alright.” He replies, straight back to business. “That is completely alright. As long as I get one night in an actual bed.” I smile back at him.

I head back to my cabin and find a fresh warm bath waiting for me! Josie must have had it set up for my arrival! I am becoming fast friends with her. As I quickly strip and slip into the comforting water to wash off the weeks grime.

When suddenly I think of him. Taylor. The tears fall freely from my face. This place is so real, so defiantly real, and he is dead here. In this past week I have not thought of him being too busy with traveling and nightmares. I ached for his touch. For his large arms around me. I miss him.

It is now nightfall as I step out of the tub and prepare myself for a night at the pub.

I want to ignore this grief of losing Taylor... Inside I find Varric of course telling some wild stories to some normal pub folk. “I am sorry gentlemen but I need to attend to my friend.” He does a little bow to them as he walks up to me. “Julie, let’s get you a large drink! We had a hell of a week! And I hear we are heading out again tomorrow!”

“Uggghh. Don’t remind me Varric.” As he leads me up to the bar and orders a drink for me.

“Here you go.” As he hands me a rather large mug. I have always been a lightweight and this smell emitting from this drink tells me I will probably only be able to handle one. I take the liquid eagerly up to my lips and taste it. It is some type of pale ale. Not too bad, has a lot wheat notes in it. But a bit too bitter for my normal tastes but I do not care I will just drink this down regardless. Numbing myself and the pain. I already feel myself getting a bit dizzy and I haven’t even made a dent!

I walk over to where Varric was sitting “is anyone else coming?”  I ask. “I doubt Cassandra was serious, but we will have to see if Chuckles shows up.” He continues on his story to the other men. As I focus on attempting to finish my beer. “Hey you might wanna slow down? This is some very potent stuff…” Varric says with a bit of concern in his voice.

 My words spew out of my mouth half hazardly “Well, I’m in the mood to forget, my love of my life died and since we got back a few hours ago he is plaguing my mind…”

“I am really sorry kid, do you want to talk about it?”

“NOPE! I ra-ther drink away my worries. And you tell a fantastic story!” I reply well I continue to take another huge gulp, now I have actually made a dent and everything is feeling all warm and fuzzy. I have at least had to drink a half of it now. But I just chug more listening to one of Varric’s stories about his journeys with Hawke.

I then lookover and see Solas stroll in all prideful. May I mention how attractive he looks right now, I feel guilty thinking this only a few weeks ago, I lost Taylor forever, “I see that you are having a bit of fun.” He says to me well pulling up a chair at our table.

“WElll the ssssstress of beieng the Heral-d, hadfdd to do somettthing.” I spat out at him.

“Yeah she is just having a bit of fun!” Varric begins to laugh. “She is lightweight. The lightest one I have ever seen she hasn’t even finished one.”

“Varrrriicc you dumb! I am past halfwaaaaaay.” Just making Varric laugh more, it felt good to not worry.

“Julie, maybe you should put the drink down?” Solas looks at me with that concerned face he gets “PSH! I am. I am no t fforr you tooo worriess aobut.” He glares at me now. WHAT does he care! Like for real leave me alone, he is being like some worry wart.

“Yeah Chuckles! Let the girl have some fun!” Varric chimes in making me laugh like no other, and I finish my beer, slamming it onto the table! “FLffllissa, I will take ANOTHER!” I struggle out! “Yes mam, only the best for the Herald.” As she walks over to the table and fills it up again. And I start drinking it again, dang I can’t even taste the bitterness anymore!!

Solas lets out a big sigh in obvious defeat. “WELLLL you coooulldd  have some funn to ya knooow? Im sssuurue Fliiissa and Varric would helllllpp ya out?” I sputter. “Yes mam!” Flissa yells as she pulls out another mug. Solas stares at it and begins slowly sipping it a look of distain on his face.

“wwwwwwoooooooaaaaa. I feel dizzy.” I said looking at Solas. There was now 3 of him looking at me very stubborn and concerned. “You looook grumpy.” I slosh out of my mouth. The 3 Solas’s look very disgruntled now. I chug mostly half of the beer and then decide its best to go home.

“VAARRIc, I AM goinnng to go home.” “Okay kid!” he just laughs and I begin stumbling out of the bar, almost falling on my face. I realize Solas is following me. “GO away.” I sputter throwing my hand back at him waving it.

“Julie, you can barley walk.” “PSH! I CCaann.””Then why are we only about 2 feet away from the bar…” _Wellll_ I think. When I feel him picking me up. “I am taking you back to your cabin.” He smells so good up this close a smell of pine tree, vanilla, and musk. “Yooou smell good.” I say looking up to him.

“Thank you.” He smiles looking down at me. Then the thought of Taylor crosses my mind. I begin crying. Solas looks at me concerned. I feel this is a normal reaction for us by now. “What’s wrong?” “I justttt. Taylor.” I mumble out between the tears. I realize we are now in my cabin he is laying me into bed. “Just get some rest.” He said looking at me. I reach up and grab his hand.

“I dddonnt wanna be alone.” I cry out. “Okay.” He says as he gets ready to sleep on the floor. “No. Here.” As I scoot over on the bed. He does not argue as he gets in the bed next to me. And I drift off into sleep smelling his wonderful scent, not feeling alone for once in this strange world. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One of the big reasons it took this chapter so long to be posted is because I am working on the background story of Taylor and his mom. Which I am hoping you are getting at they are more then they seem. I am debating on whether or not to post this background story before it appears in this. So please let me know what you think.


	9. Demons

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I finally broke and added a bit of fluff. I didn't even plan for it to happen! 
> 
> My creative juices have been a bit more active lately so expect more frequent updates! Especially with the upcoming Thanksgiving holiday! I have a whole week off of work! But I am also visiting family! I do plan on having more free time than normal though! 
> 
> As always **Disclaimer I do not own or claim any rights to Dragon age characters or dialogue.

“Julie I’m right here.” I awake and I am in Taylor’s arms. “Taylor… I thought you were dead.” I cry out, grabbing him and pulling him into a deep embrace. “Where have you been? I have missed you so much.” I am crying tears of joy.

“Shhh Miss. It’s okay don’t worry about me.” He says while combing out my hair with his fingertips. I am so happy to have him with me. When I realize somethings off. _No vallaslin and no pointy ears?_ “Wait you’re not an elf anymore…” “No I am not… I am the Taylor you desire” he says as he pulls me into a kiss.

It all feels so right and warm. I just want this to be real so badly. _But... Wait a second wasn’t Solas with me?_ “Where is Solas?” I question. “That man I found you in bed with? I sent him back to his cabin.” Taylor replies more sternly then he normally would. “He was just comforting me Taylor. I have thought you were dead for weeks now.” I pull away from his embrace. “Where were you?”

“Julie as I said before don’t worry about me.” As he pulls me into another kiss, I feel myself letting go. Accepting this form of him when I hear a loud burst.

“Demon! I command you to leave her! NOW!” it’s a deep dark loud voice. When I pull my attention back at Taylor it is no longer him. But a desire demon! “WHAT! Get away from me!” I scream out in fear pushing the demon off of me.

“Shh. Julie. It’s alright.” It whispers to me, as I watch it start to take back on Taylor’s shape. “Don’t listen to him, little miss its me.” As he reaches down to kiss me again I hear the voice yell out “I said NOW!” and a large 6 eyed wolf attacks Taylor pulling him off of me, and begins tearing him into shreds. “NO!” I scream out crying. But as he is being torn I see the demon break through again. The spirit dissipates and all that is left is the rather large wolf. Staring at me with his 6 eyes. I can’t help but cry, _the demon was going to possess me. How could I be so foolish…_

 _Wait a second is this Solas’ wolf form?_ “Fen’Harel?” I question. Wiping the tears from my eyes. The wolf kinks his head and looks at me. Curious by my recollection of him. I could tell Solas now. That I know who he is. But after seeing him tear Taylor to shreds that might be best for the waking world. 

“You are not afraid of me?” the wolf says to me. “No, you just saved me. Why would I be afraid of you?” I say as I step out of the bed. “I am the god of rebellion, the trickster. Most fear me. Who says I didn’t save you to have you for myself.” He says as he now stalks around me in a circle like I am prey. “I do not believe the stories about you, being cruel and doing what you did for your own gain.” I reply. “Surprising a Dalish elf would think this way.” He replies to me still stalking. I sit down on the ground so I am eye level with him.

“I am no Dalish.” I reply to him. “Then why do you have Sylaise’s marks on your face?” he questions. Which is strange because Solas knows I do not know… “I do not know. But I am no Dalish. I would rather my face be bare.”

“What do you know of me Da'len?” he questions now sitting in front of me. “I know for one you didn’t kill Mythal. Someone else did but I don’t know who, and that you sealed away the other gods. But you couldn’t have done it for evil.”

“How do you know I didn’t do it for evil?” the wolf questions staring at me. “I just do…” I reply. The wolf seems mildly satisfied in my answer. “You need to be more careful with demons Da’len, I won’t always be here to rescue you.”

“I know I do. But I am newly a mage. I don’t understand these dreams just yet.” I reply tilting my head down in shame. “Newly a mage?” he questions. “Yes I guess in short I just learned about having a connection to magic.”

“I see.” The wolf replies. “You need to work on your magic skills. Then maybe you will learn how to detect the trickery better. But now you need to wake up.”

I jolt up in my bed. _Ouch the sun is so bright._ Oh and the headache ensues I had way too much to drink for riding today, what even happen last night? I look over at the still, still Solas. Of course he is pretending asleep. _Wait how did he get in my bed?_ So I decide two can play at this game as I lay back down and close my eyes, at least protecting them from the brightness.

 

* * *

 

Julie’s opinion about me, well Fen’Harel is surprising. I wonder how she knows what she knows regardless. She knows more indeed about this world then she has told, but now I cannot question her on that.

I awaken my gaze and I look down at the Julie I know to be faking sleep. I slip slowly out of her bed and leave her cabin to go get some elfroot and other herbs to mix together for her soon to be or already experience headache.

As I am walking back to her cabin, Varric spots me “You know it’s not very nice to take advantage of a drunk girl. I noticed you came out of her cabin this morning.”

“I did not, and would not disgrace her like that. She wanted comfort and I would not leave her in that state.” I reply back to the pestering dwarf. “If you say so.” He looks at me suspiciously one eyebrow raised. I walk back into her cabin and see she has now taken up the whole bed sprawled out, pillow covering her face. “Jullliie.” I whisper.

“Go away!” She scoffs.

 I chuckle “I have something to help that hangover you have, Lethallan.”

“Gimmie!” she peaks her head out from under the pillow and greedily sucks down the liquid I gave her. “Do you have some relief now?” I question. “Yes.” As she rubs her temples.

She looks down at herself and obviously realizes that she had more than likely blacked out last night. “What happen last night?” she questions. “You had a bit too much to drink and then demanded I spend the night here. In your bed.” I said looking directly at her. Her pale cheeks flushed red with embarrassment the warmth flowing to them “So nothing else happen correct?” “No nothing.” I ensure her.

I begin to walk out of her cabin when she stops me. “Solas. Last night in the fade. I was almost possessed. At least I think so.”

“Lethallan why didn’t you call for me?” _I cannot let her know I was the wolf._ “I didn’t need to a large wolf saved me. I think it was Fen’Harel…” She trusts me enough to tell me about her dream. “Anyways.” She interrupts my thought process. “He told me I need to work on my magic to better protect myself. I was wondering if you could teach me?” the nervousness in her voice is evident. “Of course.” I nod as I retreat from her cabin.

 

* * *

 

Just as Solas leaves my cabin in walks the serving elf. “My lady, here is your breakfast and the daily outline of events.” This young girl is always so nervous. “What is your name?” she looks at me wide eyed. “My name is Katrina.” As she bows and practically runs out the door. 

I go over to my breakfast another assortment of poached eggs and bread and read the outline Josephine had worked up. I actually had quite a bit of free time before I was required to be in the war room.

I walk out of my cabin and head straight for Varric. “You and Chuckles a thing now?” the first words out of his mouth made my face on fire. “No… He just…” “I’m only messing with you!” he bursts out in laughter!

“Varric!! That is so mean! And besides… I don’t think I’m ready to move on.” His eyes widen as I assume he remembers about the dead love of the life I vaguely remember telling him about last night. “I see you have more of your memories back then?” “Yes.” I reply bluntly, looking at the ground trying not to think of Taylor.

“There is never a right time to move on. Besides your situation is different, it’s not like he left you, or you left him. I assume you were still both very much in love…” He pauses, I assume examining me for breaking points. “And yes he died, but if a man was to truly love you. What he would want for you is to find someone to love, to take care of you like he did.” _Stupid Varric._ I feel tears burn down my cheeks. _He is right, Taylor and I even had this conversation back at home._

“But what about honoring him? I can’t just loose him and immediately jump into another’s arms. What love does that show for him?” Varric smirks at me. “Every day will get easier trust me, kid.”

 _Not really an answer to my question, but alright._ “Thank you Varric.” I reply to him. “No problem, I offer advice anytime to you, Herald.” He answers as he makes a little bow.

I make my way out of the small town and find myself on the docks. Staring out upon the small frozen lake. I get lost in thought thinking about home, my family, my Taylor.

“Pretending to be somewhere else?” I hear the familiar smooth voice of Cullen behind me. “You caught me.” I reply. Turning around and staring at the commander as he makes his way onto the dock.

“I have a lake that I am missing as well.” he says as strolling closer to me. “I don’t think I will ever see mine again…”

“Don’t say that. After this is all over I’m sure you will get to go home.” _He does not know that my lake resides in a different world._ “I do not have high hopes.” I sigh.

“Are you doing alright?” he questions, getting closer to me. “Yes I guess.” I say as I spin my engagement ring around my finger. “I’ve just been thinking about him a lot, what he would do or say in this situation I have found myself in.”

“Well if it makes anything better just know as long as I am around you don’t ever have to be alone.” I look up at him his golden eyes where warming my very soul, as he pulls me into a hug. I do not fight the embrace. His warmth feels so nice as I tuck in closer to him. “Maker, Julie your freezing.” _I hadn’t realized before._ “I didn’t notice…” I breathe out looking up at him. He was so very tall. I felt my self leaning more and more into him. When I realize. _I am moving on… Right now.  Taylor would want me to find someone like this. Someone to take care of me no matter what, just like Cullen would… Just like Cullen has been._

I feel the space between us growing smaller and smaller. When finally out lips meet. A crash of emotions go flowing over me all at once, and just as quickly as the kiss began it ends. “I…I… shouldn’t have.” Cullen whispers pulling away from me. Caressing my cheek with his warm hand. “We have business to attend to in the war room. That’s what I originally came to discuss. We should...” he responds tucking his hand up behind his neck, breaking our eye contact. “Well we better not keep our spymaster and ambassador waiting should we.” I reply smiling at him. “No we should not.”

* * *

The journey to Val Royeaux is taking so long! I think I have counted 3 days so far! _Oh how I wish we could just fast travel places. But this is real life, not a videogame Julie._

“Okay Julie lay your hand on top of mine.” Solas instructs me. He is showing me how to create Veilfire, our first magic lesson. I feel a surge of warmth flow though my hand and then a small green flame emits from the palm of my hand. _I DID IT!_ “Solas!! Are you seeing this!! Oh my gosh!” I squeal with excitement.

He lets out a small laugh “I see Lethallan. Now focus on growing the flame.” I push all my will to the flame and watch as it grows bigger and bigger and _out._ I sigh out in disappointment. “No that was good for your first time. Great actually.” He smiles. Our hands linger together longer than attended before I quickly pull mine away reminding myself.  _I cannot let myself get close to him. He will only break my heart._

 

5 days and counting and now we have finally arrived at Val Royeaux! The city is magnificent and beautiful! _Reminds me Paris when I traveled there so many years ago with Taylor…_ Speaking with the Chantry and Templars went as expected. But the familiar arrow of Sera made me smile. I knew where all her clues where from heart, I didn’t even need the hints she gave.

As we were leaving the city to go meet with Sera we are stopped by Fiona. Requesting us to meet her in Redcliff which she will forget this ever happening. _But now the choice has come. Templar or Mages. Both tasks to beat are terrifying. Going into the future or facing a demon… But what’s more important which choice is the right choice for Thedas. I know the outcome of both. I have knowledge no one else does._  

Just fantastic we have to face human enemies to get to Sera, I semi forgot about this, or just blocked it out. Solas, Varric and Cassandra swiftly attack as I attempt to will myself to shoot my arrow at a guard about to attack Cassandra, when the Templar I killed faces haunts my mind once again. I feel my chest tighten, breath lost, vision fuzzy, the all too familiar feeling of my blood pumping through all my veins, and my heartbeat in my ears. As I fall to the ground.  Holding myself up with one hand. _Stupid. Stupid. Panic attack. I am so weak this is getting ridiculous._

When I feel myself being picked up. “Breath Lethallan. Focus on me. In and out.” I will myself to focus on Solas taking deep forced breaths. _In and out. In and out._ When my vision clears I see Solas. Looking quite flustered. “You are okay, I am here.” He says as he reaches up to my face and tucks some of my hair that had fallen out of its braid behind my ear. “We must keep moving okay.” He replies to me as he takes my hand as we go through the next set of doors.

When a fire ball launches right at my face. Solas quickly barriers and moves in front of me. Staff ready to attack. When another fire ball launches. Solas quickly dispells it with his own magic. The man attacking me finally speaks. “Herald of Andraste! How much did you expend to discover me? It must have weakened the Inquisition immeasurably. But seeing you I have learned you much. You are already weak.” I could almost hear Solas growl at that insult. “I honestly don’t even know who you are.” I reply to the man.

The man lets out a soft chuckle and continues “You don’t fool me! I’m too important for this to be an accident! My efforts will survive in victories against you elsewhere.” When Sera appears slaying one of his guards. “Just say what” “What is the…” he attempts to say as a arrow goes flying from Sera landing in his throat.

I cannot stop my mouth from gaping as his dead body falls to the ground. “Eww.” Is all Sera says in reply. “Squishy one, but you heard me, right? “Just say what.” Rich tits always try for more than they deserve.” She pauses as she reaches down and pulls her arrow from the guys now gurgling with blood throat. “Blah, Blah, Blah! Obey me! Arrow in my face!” If I was not so disgusted I would probably laughing at this. “So you followed the notes well enough. Glad to see You’re…” she examines me for what I’m assuming to be the first time. “Aaaand, you’re an elf. Well, hope you’re not too elfy. I mean, it’s all good, innit? The important this is, you glow? You’re the Herald thingy?”

“Yes.” *sigh* “ Some believe I’m the Herald, besides that, who was this guy?” I point at the dead mage. “No idea, I don’t know this idiot from manners. My people just said the Inquisition should look at him.”

“Ahh. I see.” I reply. “Names Sera. This is cover. Get round it. For the reinforcements. Don’t worry. Someone tipped me their equipment shed. They’ve got no breeches.” Sera and her breeches. I burst out in laughter. When all of sudden we are being attacked again. When I feel Solas grab my arm and pull me behind him and instantly cast a barrier spell.

After the few remaining guards are dead Sera begins talk to me again. “Friends really came through with that tip. No breeches!” as she laughs again. “So, Herald of Andraste. You’re a strange one. I’d like to join.” She says well glancing at Solas. It must look like he is my personal body guard or something to a outsider. “We would love to have you Sera, and your friends.” I reply. “Yes! Get in good before you’re too big to like. That’ll keep your breeches where they should be. Plus extra breeches, because I have all these… You have merchants who buy that pish, yeah? Got to be worth something. Anyway, Haven. See you there, Herald. This will be Grand.”


	10. Unexpected

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So a brief warning here, parts of this chapter are heavy in game dialogue which I have been trying to avoid. But for this chapter to flow how I wanted to I didn't want to just skip them and say they happen. But trust me there is a big twist at the end you do not want to miss!!! :D 
> 
> As always **Disclaimer I do not own or claim any rights to Dragon age characters or dialogue.

"Shite!” Sera calls as another wave of demons are descending from the rift outside the gates of Redcliff. I look at Solas obvious exhausted, and Blackwall was covered in a heavy amount of blood trailing down from a head wound. _Not good_.

I throw Solas a lyrium potion and he gives me a thankful nod as he quickly drinks it just in time for a shade demon to come barreling at me. I quickly draw an arrow and release, hitting it in the chest as it barely falters as it continues its charge. I quickly push myself up off the ground as I back flip backwards, and quickly aim again hitting it right in the head as it falls to the ground dissipating. _Thank you for showing me that trick Sera!_

The battle continues as I begin shooting arrows at a Lesser Terror, attacking Blackwall.

The Lesser Terror notices me as it shrieks into the air, as I watch it quickly tear through the ground I feel time around me slow. I am feigning to move as it appears out of the ground right in front of me as I watch its sharp claws draw closer to me. I focus on pulling at my mana and they quickly release it all at once, I watch the demon go blustering back.

 I feel time return to normal as I quickly draw arrow after arrow until it dissipates to. “Quickly before more comes through!” Solas yells at me as I run up the rift, I throw my hand up in the air pushing out as I always did, I instantly feeling the familiar tingle in my arm as the rift closes shut.

The pain that normally happen when I closed rifts was no longer there anymore once I started focusing on training my magic with Solas. I am no longer fighting the mark as I learned I was, now it is seamlessly apart of me, a tool for me to use.

“It seems that rift had the magic to slow and speed up time around it.” Solas explains to everyone in the group. “You are indeed right, Solas.” I reply to him. I try to think back to in game dialogue about this. “Maybe Fiona will know what’s going on here.” The guard to Redcliffe quickly interrupts us as she yells for them to open the gate. _Finally._

We are greeted by an Inquisition solider. “We’ve spread the word the Inquisition was coming, but you should know that no one here was expecting us.” _Just as I expected._ “No one? Not even the Grand Enchanter Fiona?” It’s getting harder for me to fake that I don’t know what is going on, and to make matters worse Solas was giving me this curious look. “If she was, she hasn’t told anyone. We’ve arranged use of the Tavern for the negotiations.” He says before he salutes and heads off as another man walks up to us.

“Agents of the Inquisition, My apologies! Magister Alexius is in charge now, but hasn’t yet arrived. He’s expected shortly. You can speak with the former grand enchanter in the meantime.” He tells us before heading off as well. Such a little greeting party we had here.

“The Veil is weaker here than in Haven. And not merely weak but altered in a way I have not seen.” Solas announces. What is strange is that I can feel it to.

None of my inquisitors in game had explained that they felt was Solas felt. But when the Veil was strong you could feel the lack of the magic in the air like a barrier was holding it back. But here the magic was tingling but in a different way than most. It must be because of the altered time. “I feel it to.” I reply under my breath. The look on Solas face was quite shocked indeed, I am guessing with this reaction it is not normal for a mortal to feel this.

“Will you two stop talking magic shite. We got things to do.” Sera interrupts. _Oh boy do I love Sera._

 

* * *

 

After doing all the quests I could possibly remember that I could do in Redcliffe, I finally lead the group over to the Tavern. The little Tavern was very quaint but a few grades up from what we had in Haven. It smelled thickly of the stench of beer and firewood.

“Welcome, agents of the Inquisition.” Fiona greets us. “What has brought you to Redcliffe?”

“We’re here because of your invitation back in Val Royeaux? Don’t you remember?” I question her. “You must be mistaken. I haven’t been to Val Royeaux since before the Conclave?” she looks at me fairly concerned _. Okay maybe it isn’t best that I have held back that I know the future. This would currently make my life a bit easier._ “Well… I met someone who looked just like you in Val Royeaux, she invited me here.”

Poor Fiona’s face is now plagued with concern even more. “Exactly like me? I suppose it could be magic at work, but why would anyone… Whoever… or whatever brought you here. The situation has changed.” She sighs. “The free mages have already… Pledged themselves to the service of the Tevinter Imperium.” What she says just makes me want to cringe. Solas immediately chimes in to the conversation “I understand that you are afraid, but you deserve better than slavery to Tevinter.” I completely agree with Solas on this one.

“As one indentured to a Magister, I no longer have the authority to negotiate with you.” She replies with a sad look in her eyes. “I am so sorry Fiona. But may I ask who does?” Right as I ask, in comes Alexius. “Welcome, my friends! I apologize for not greeting you earlier!”

“Agents of the Inquisition, allow me to introduce Magister Gereon Alexius.” Fiona introduces him. “The southern mages are under my command. And you are the survivor, yes? The one from the fade? Interesting.” Alexius says well eyeballing me up and down. I feel I am not what people expect at all when they see me. “I am here to discuss the mages. They are needed to close the breech.” I say bluntly.

“Right to business! I understand, of course.” Alexius gestures me to sit down at a table with him. “Felix, would you send for a scribe, please? Pardon my manners. My son Felix, friends.” _Will he stop calling me his friend! “_ I am not surprised you’re here. Containing the breach is not a feat that man would even attempt. There is no telling how many mages would be needed for such an endeavor. Ambitious, indeed.”

“Well, I am thinking we are going to need _all_ of the mages at your disposal, we are fighting a massive tear in the sky” I reply to him glaring. “There will have to be…” Alexius is interrupted by the sight of Felix wobbling in. I quickly get up and catch him as he is falling. Making a light grunt noise as I do. _I am getting way stronger than I use to be on earth but not this strong._ I feel him pass me the note I was expecting. “Felix!” Alexius calls out.

“My Lady, I’m so sorry. Please forgive me.” Felix apologizes well stabling himself. He is in way worse shape than he was in the game, now that I can see him up close, his face is sucked in, and dark circles are surrounding his eyes. I feel bad for him. Even if he was just faking that fall. “Are you all right?” Alexius asks walking up to his son.

 _I'm also feeling bad for Alexius… I mean any parent would do anything if it saved their child._ “Come, I’ll get your powders. Please excuse me, friends. We will have to continue this another time.” Alexius says as he gets up and leaves the table. “Fiona, I require your assistance back at the castle.”

“I don’t mean to trouble everyone.” Felix calls out well limping. “I shall send word to the Inquisition. We will conclude this business at a later date.” Alexius says before grabbing Felix and helping him out.

As soon as he is out of eye sight I read the note aloud “Come to the chantry. You are in danger.” Solas does his I am concerned but not going to tell you I’m concerned face and Sera is the first to say a word “Well, aren’t we secrety.”

“We need to be careful but let’s figure out what’s going on here.” I reply to her.

We all begin to leave the Tavern, as soon as Sera and Blackwall exit I feel Solas grab my arm turning me around to look into his eyes. “Julie this could be a trap and I will not put you in harm’s way.” He demands.

 _Okay mister protective pants. He was NEVER like this with any of the other Inquisitors._ “Solas it’s not a trap we are just going to be meeting Dor–“ I cut myself off. _SHIT!_ His face shifts from concerned to curious in a blink of eye.

“To be meeting whoever sent the note…” I say as quickly as possible avoiding eye contact. I feel him let go of my arm, and sigh looking away from me. “Julie… You can trust me you know that right.”

 _I want to Solas! Dammit! But every time no matter what I did… You still left my Inquisitor. I am letting myself grow to close to you._ “I… I… can’t.” I murmur out still not making eye contact.

“Why!?!” his fury now evident. “I have done everything to show you that you can trust me!! I care about you, more than you know! Whatever you are hiding please Lethallan, tell me.”

 _Julie you’re going to regret this._ “I know that…” I pause to look around the bar and notice we had made quite a scene everyone was staring at us. _Maybe this is better left for somewhere more private._ Solas takes the hint. “Let’s leave this conversation for tonight.” He says as we finally exit the Tavern.

“I was just about to send a search party after ya two.” Blackwall says. “We got held up by a patron. Wanting to meet the blessed Herald. Let’s just make our way to the Chantry.” I explain.

Right before Blackwall opens the door I pull an arrow from my quiver and align it with my bow. “Just in case.” I reply to my companion’s nervous looks. As soon as we open the door there is Dorian slaying a demon. “Good! You’re finally here! Now help me close this, would you?” 

 

With a twist of my palm I finally close the darn rift. It’s way easier to defeat them with 5 people, I will have to ask Cass to increase my limit on companions. “Fascinating. How does that work, exactly?” Dorian questions staring at my mark. “You don’t even know, do you? You just wiggle your fingers, and boom! Rift closes.”

“Actually not too far off.” I say after chuckling a bit.

“Ahh! I’m getting ahead of myself.” Dorian says well doing a little bow “Dorian of House Pavus, most recently of Minrathous. How you do?”

I do a little curtsy myself “Julie the “Herald of Andraste” at your service.” I say well giving him a little wink.

“Oh I like you.” He replies giving me a smirk. “Magister Alexius was once my mentor, so my assistance should be valuable, as I’m sure you can imagine.”

“So it’s your charming self that sent the note then?” I question him.

 “I am. Someone had to warn you… Look, you must know there’s danger. That should be obvious even without the note. Let’s start with Alexius claiming the allegiance of the mage rebels out from under you. As if by magic yes? Which is exactly right. To reach Redcliffe before the inquisition, Alexius distorted time itself.”

“That sounds very dangerous.” I reply _. Not sure what to say. This is the times I wish I could just say I know! Let’s get on with it._

“That is fascinating, if true… and almost certainly dangerous.” Solas says with his very intrigued curious face on again. “The rift you closed here? You saw how it twisted time around itself, sped some things up and slowed others down. Soon there will be more like it and they’ll appear further and further away from Redcliffe. The magic Alexius is using is wildly unstable, and it’s unraveling the world.” Dorian explains. “I just don’t understand why he’s doing it? Ripping time to shreds just to gain a few hundred lackeys?”

When Felix walks in “Took you long enough. Is he getting suspicious?” Dorian questions. “No, but I shouldn’t have played the illness card. I thought he’d be fussing over me all day. My fathers joined a cult. Tevinter supremacists. They call themselves “Venatori.” And I can tell you one thing: whatever he’s done for them, he’s done it to get to you.”

Without even turning around I could feel Solas’ worried face. “Do you have any suggestions on stopping him?” I question. “You know you’re his target. Expecting the trap is the first step in turning it to your advantage. I can’t stay in Redcliffe. Alexius doesn’t know I’m here. And I want to keep it that way for now. But whenever you’re ready to deal with him I want to be there. I’ll be in touch. And Felix? Try not to get yourself killed.”  
  
“There are worse things than dying Dorian” Felix says as he also departs the room.

 

* * *

 

“Why don’t we just stay the night here? It’s already getting dark it might be hard to find a place to camp anyways?” I beg Solas. “You’re obviously in danger here! I cannot rest in good conscious knowing you’re in danger.” Solas argues. _I just want to sleep in a bed!!! RGH!_

“Solas please. There are enough Inquisition soldiers around that we should be safe? Plus we can take shifts?” I plead with my eyes. I really don’t see the issue staying in the Tavern. “I’m with the lady. We could all use a good rest.” Blackwall chimes in. “I can gettem with bees if they mess with us!” Sera also defends. Solas knows he has been defeated.

Once in mine and Sera’s shared room I crawl immediately into bed. Closing my eyes and drifting off into the fade.

Fen’harel/Solas was right about one thing that’s for sure is that I have so much more control over the fade now that I have learned to control my magic.

Well waiting for Solas I focus my will and conjure up my dog and a giant grassy field. Her black fluffy coat feels just as real here as home, as I hold her in a hug. “Kenna, I miss you my big fluffy love.” She gives her familiar talk back of a low growl. I pick up a stick and throw it for her as she runs off chasing it I feel a tap on my shoulder. _That didn’t last long._ I turn around to see Solas. Just as Kenna comes running back with a stick in her mouth. “Dogs where you come from are rather quite gentle looking.” He replies as he reaches down to pet her. She eagerly kisses his hand. “I miss her oh so much.” I reply. Staring at her.

“But we are not here to discuss my dog. Are we Solas.” I say looking into his steel grey eyes.

“No, we are not.” He frowns a bit. “Why can you not trust me?” _throwing the punches I see._

“Because…” _RGGH! How am I am going to tell him…_ I quickly turn around looking upon the grassy field, not having the guts to stare in his eyes.

* * *

 

“What is it Lethallan?” I question. She turns around now facing me. “I don’t know how to tell you.” Her face reddens. “Maybe show me then? Your control over the fade has improved greatly.” I watch as she closes her eyes tightly focusing and I watch the fade transform before my eyes.

We are now in a new house, or what I believe to be a house. There she is sleeping on a sofa. Cuddled in her betrothed arms, wearing the outfit she wore when she was discovered. Her dog is also looking quite content sleeping on her legs.

I turn to the other side of the room and there is what seems to be a picture. But it is moving, just like before in her other dream with her family! I examine the picture closely and realize it is the temple of sacred ashes and the Templars and Mages are walking towards it!!! “What is this?” I question staring at the picture.

Julie immediately appears beside me. “This is the last moment I can recall of where I am from.”

“I see, but what is this?” I say pointing at the moving picture. She stumbles on her words “It is how we viewed things of this world, in my own.” She replies.

“I see, so how much do you exactly know of the world you are now in?” I question.

“Actually quite a bit… There is lore and stories about your world, in mine. I just never thought it to have existed, I thought it was all one big fantasy.” She replies softly. “I had always wanted to be in your world, just I never imagined it without Taylor.” She sighs I see her face soften into sadness. “Well I guess I will put it this way…” She freezes taking a deep exhalation of breath “Your world, and what is happening _right_ now is just a story told quite often that many people get to play out on that screen. I just never thought myself to actually be a part of it, in my world we know the future of this one up to a certain point…” She says looking at me.

That is why she never seems surprised at discoveries that everyone else is shocked at. She already knows… How interesting indeed, there would have to be a seer in her world to tell this fate.

“I know there is choices that we make that can change this future. And I am scared about making the right ones. In my world there was always open possibilities of different outcomes with the decisions I make and if I mess up I can just go back and re-pick, but here whatever I choose it is permeant. Once a choice is made there is no going back!” She explains and the fear is evident in her voice.

“Lethallan, it will all be okay, we can use this information to help pick the correct fate?” I say reaching my hand out touching her shoulder.

“No it is not okay!” she cries slapping my hand away. “My love of my life is dead. I might never go home to see my family! And even telling you this! I still can’t trust you!”

“WHY NOT! You are frustrating me to my very core! I have showed you nothing but compassion and trust the entire time I have known you” I angrily yell back at her.

“Because Solas. I have played this game with you before…” I watch tears fall from her eyes. “No, I have never met you–” I try to defend when it clicks. “Am I a part of the story you get to play out?” she turns away from me. When the fade ripples before me again.

We are in Haven, by my cabin. There is a beautiful elf with scarlet hair, standing before a version of myself. I watch the beautiful elven reach up and kiss me, right as she pulls away to flee I reach back and pull her into another embrace. Suddenly the fade is transforming again, and there I am dancing with the same elf outside some sort of palace, I could see the love in my own eyes. When before I get to even get a closer look, the fade ripples again and there am I, and the same girl kissing on the balcony of Tarasyl'an Te'las. Everything changes again and I am removing the elf’s dark June vallaslin, as I pull her into another kiss. I watch my own face change. As I walk away with the elf pleading for me to not go.

When suddenly we are at the site of battle field. There is the same girl talking to some of the companions we currently know and others I do not with me standing above her on a tall set of stairs. As soon as she turns around I am gone. And there she is alone on the balcony of Tarasyl'an Te'las.

I look over at Julie who is distraught by the scene of what she just did. Tears flowing down her face. I reach up to my own face and feel tears as well. _I have broken her heart before._

“I can show you more if you would like?” She mumbles out. “No matter what I did! No matter how much I yelled at the screen begging for you stay! You always left me!” she falls to the ground in tears.

I reach down to comfort her “Julie I would ne–“ “No, Solas! You don’t get to say you would never hurt me! When I have seen it to many times right before my eyes!” She yells back at me. “Don’t you understand Solas? I loved you. If love is even the word to describe it! My heart ached for you! Even if I was with Taylor… But do you understand why I can’t trust you now!” her cries are intermixed with her fury. _I shouldn’t have pushed her to revel this._ “I am sorry. I shouldn’t have made you tell me.” I reply looking at her grief stricken face.

“There is one more thing.” She says well wiping the tears away from her face. “I know.” is all that leaves her lips as I stare into her icy blue eyes. “Know what?” I question back. She gulps and looks away from my face. Why would she be scared? After all of this? Oh… “You know that I am Fen’Harel.”

 


	11. Conflicted

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I just finished writing two chapters ahead and I am just so excited to receive them back from my editor I cannot wait!!! Because this chapter has nothing on them! 
> 
> There are going to be more time jumps in the next few chapters. As the plot is going to start to speed up! I cannot wait to share!!! 
> 
> **Disclaimer I do not own or claim any rights to Dragon age characters or dialogue.

“Yes.” Is all Julie whimpers out still sitting on the ground. “I have wanted to tell you so bad, just confess that I know, but I have been so scared. Scared that I would lose you like so many times before, that I would be alone in this world. Not having anyone I could trust enough to share my secret with. I don’t think anyone else would understand that I am from another world.” Her eyes are pleading me to stay.

“So you don’t despise me for being Fen’Harel?” She shakes her head. “No I do not. How could I?”

“I have never met a soul as pure as you.” Rolls off of my lips. I watch as the tips of ears turn a subtle shade of pink. But then I watch as her face turns to worry. “Solas there is one more thing I need to show you.”

She grabs my hand and I watch the fade transform again. There I am at the site of the same battlefield. Standing over my broken orb.

“NO!” I cry out. “This can’t be.” _I cannot save my people without the orb. If it breaks…_ “This is why I leave.” I reply staring at the broken orb. “If I truly loved you I wouldn’t want to take you on the journey I would have to take”

Julie tightens the grip on my hand and pulls me to face her. “The difference is Solas. I know exactly how it breaks. And I will risk my life to save it for you.”

“I cannot ask you to do that for me.” I reply staring into her eyes. “I have to or I wouldn’t be honoring a promise to myself.” _Does she even know what I plan to do with the orb surly someone like her would not approve_?

“What do you know of my plan?” I question, she obliges by transforming the fade in front of my eyes. There is Mythal and I. We embrace, as I watch myself as I take her power. _Why would I do such a thing? I would be no better than Elgar’nan and his horrible children. Killing Mythal for my own gain. This must be the future where my orb is destroyed…_

“And that is all I know.” Julie speaks. “I’m assuming it’s about righting your wrong? Freeing the gods? I do not know what else it could be. No one in my world knows you plan.” _Its better this way._

“It is about righting my wrong.” _Not a lie, but not honest._

“I will help you.” _she does not know what she is promising._ “This is my journey alone.” I argue.

“No it isn’t. Not any longer.”

“No one in all my years, has ever treated me like you have.” I watch as her cheeks turn a subtle pink. I reach up my hand touching her soft face, as my thumb gently traces the marks of her vallaslin. I could feel her breath quicken in my hand. As I pull her in closer.

The gap between us is so small now that I could feel her breath on my lips _. I want to kiss her. Mark her as mine. But how fair would that be to her. To break her heart again, to only possibly have the same outcome._

“You said you once that you wanted these marks off of your face? Do you still want them gone?” I reply staring into her eyes. She looks surprise but replies “I…I would very much like that Solas.”

 

* * *

 

**_Journal Entry Week 8 day 5._ **

_May I mention how much I hate the Storm Coast? One thing I have never enjoyed all my life is being drenched in freezing rain. But we need to get Bull before we head back to Haven._

_Okay maybe I’m lying. I’m avoiding going back to Haven. I want to put off the choosing of sides. But honestly I can’t much longer. There are much worse battles to be fought then this. Like closing the breach…_

_Also there is Cullen waiting for me. We haven’t really talked yet either since the whole kiss on the bridge. But it didn’t help I had to leave and do so many other things, but I honestly think I rushed that a bit. I mean I do have feelings for him. But there is another as well. Great I am now just sitting here writing his feeling like a whore. I have feelings for Solas to. Well too put it correctly my previous feelings for Solas never left. There is also the matter of Taylor. Which honestly I’m not sure who he would want me to be with. I know it strange to care about what your dead fiancé thinks, but he was my best friend…_

_And speaking of Solas. We really haven’t talked much the past 3 days. Since he told me he would remove my vallaslin, and I told him I know his secret…_

“What are you doing?” Sera asks me as I shove my journal into my pack. “I just have been keeping track of what we have been doing for people in a journal so that I can remember. Especially with all these people I promise to help I need a list so I don’t just promise and never do it”

Sera lets out a snort. “I only do that type of pish for fun “she pauses staring at me “What happen between you and elfy? I mean it’s all good right?”

I let out a heavy sigh. “We sort of had a little fight back in Redcliffe. It turned out alright but he is still not talking to me.”

“Aaaahhh. Did you guys smoochy smooch!” followed by puckered lips and kissing noise.

“Jeeze Sera! NO!” I say blushing. “But I did kiss Commander Cullen. Before I left to go get you and talk to clerics.” _Wait why did I just tell her that!_ Sera eyes go wide with glee.

“I see so he is jealous he didn’t make the first move!” _Sera is way too happy about my current predicament._

“Solas actually doesn’t know about the kiss. Unless he saw me do it I haven’t really told anyone. And Cullen isn’t talking to me either. I mean he could send a note with the Ravens Leliana has been sending but he hasn’t soooo.”I reply.

“Oh a love triangle!!” Sera exclaims, almost clapping with glee.

“No defiantly no love triangle here! I don’t want to be one of those fickle girls. I’m just complicated right now _.”_ Sera looks at me confused _, she doesn’t know about my fiancé dying…_ “My fiancé just died. About 8 weeks ago... Varric basically told me to move on. So my emotions are all sorts of complicated.” I explain well instinctively twirling my engagement ring around my right ring finger. I look up at Sera and her mouth is just agape. “Woah. You gots lots going on with ya.”

“Yeah” I sigh out well shrugging a bit, going back to putting stuff away in my pack.

When I hear Blackwall cough outside of our tent. “Uhh. Are you ladies decent we need to get going to meet that mercenary?”

Sera just smiles at me. “It was fun talking with you lady Herald. It’s good to know you’re a real person and stuff.”

“It was fun talking with you as well Sera.”

She gives me a wicked smile. “And hey if you want to play a prank on elfy?” _Oh my gosh a prank on Solas!_ I just let out a laugh. “The offer is there if you need it.” She winks as she exits the tent.

As we are walking down the hill to meet Iron Bull on the beach, I remember. _We are about to fight real people again. I still haven’t succeeded killing another since the whole Templar incident weeks ago._ “Uh guys. Maybe we should just come back later.”

Solas looks at me confused and then realizes the knowing the future thing. “Julie might be right?” he aids my defense. The first words he has said directly looking at me in days.

“Stop being such pusses.” Sera yells as she runs down rest of the hill. “Shite!” She calls as I watch her begin to shoot her arrows. Blackwall runs straight down the rest of the hill which leaves just me and Solas. _Great._

“I understand your hesitation. But Lethallan, you need to get over this.” _Mr. God of Rebellion sure it’s easy for you. You have been killing real people for who knows how long._ “But. I.” I try to think of a defense when he gives me this look. A look like he actually believes in me.

“You believe I can do it?” I question when I hear Sera let out a blood curling scream.

I quickly bound down the hill. _There are too many of them. I need to help_.

Sera was getting corned in by two guys with shields blocking her arrows and Blackwall was fighting three other mercenaries at once. _And doing an impressive job._ I focus first on the men attacking Sera. I quickly draw an arrow, and look for a spot not covered in armor.

 _Oh, back of the leg meet my arrow_.

As I shoot. I watch my arrow land in his back right leg as he falls to the ground in pain. The other guy turns noticing me.

 _Just like before with the Templar_. The flash back curses my mind. _Julie breath. Blood pumping, heartbeat racing._ The other man is now running at me, as I watch out of the corner of my eye Sera slitting the throat of the man I put to the ground.

The mercenary is now getting closer and closer. When I feel a warm surge of mana going running through me almost like blanket or being too close to fire. _Comfort._

I pull an arrow back and aim right at the guy charging me. I watch as my arrow pierces his upper shoulder as he falls to the ground in pain just like the other man.

I draw back another arrow ready to finish it. I take a big breath and right when I’m about to release I watch the man get burnt to ash. _Shit!_ Solas runs past me to assist Blackwall.

 

“Chargers, stand down!” Iron Bull yells to his men. I begin my walk over to him when I hear “Let the throatcutters finish up, then break out the casks.”

Iron bull turns away from Krem now focusing on me. “So you’re with the Inquisition, huh? Glad you could make it. Come on, have a seat. Drinks are coming.”

Iron bull shifts himself to sit down on a rock. _Which is a good thing because he is HUGE In real life! I am not use to people being this much taller than me or just made out of pure muscle like him._

“The name is Iron Bull, and I’m assuming you remember Cremisius Aclassi, my lieutenant.” He gestures over to Krem who just made his way back over.

“Good to see you again. Throatcutters are done, chief.” He announces. _Jeeze_. “Already? Have ‘em check again. I don’t want any of those Tevinter bastards getting away. No offense, Krem.”

“None taken. Least a bastard knows who his mother was. Puts him one up on you Quanari, right?” _Krem throws some serious shade._

Bull pulls his attention back to me. “So… You’ve seen us fight. We’re expensive, but we’re worth it… And I’m sure the inquisition can afford us.”

“How much would it cost us exactly?” I question with one eyebrow raised.

“It wouldn’t cost you anything personally, unless you wanna buy drinks later.” He replies. “Your ambassador… What’s her name… Josephine? We’d go through her and get the payments set up. The gold will take care of itself. Don’t worry about that all that matter is we’re worth it.”

“Then you’re hired.” I simply say.

“Well there is one other thing. Might be useful, might piss you off.”

“I already know, don’t worry about it. I know you’re going to be reporting back to Ben-Hassrath.” I reply to Bull. I cannot tell if he is surprised or not, his face doesn’t change at all.

“I’m happy we get to cross that bridge smoothly. Your Inquisition knows more than I thought. I will also provide you with whatever they send me to, to even the playing ground.”

“Iron bull? Are you just waiting for me to turn you down? You’re in!” Now I see some emotion in Bull’s face as he actually looks a bit excited! “Krem, tell the men to finish drinking on the road. The chargers just got hired!”

Krem looks concerned “What about the casks, Chief? We just opened them up. _With axes_.”

“Find some way to seal them you’re Tevinter, right? Try blood magic.” He says well walking over to Krem. “We’ll meet you back at Haven.”

Well the chargers are packing up I make my way back over to my own little group of misfits. Actually Blackwall is probably the only one that looks left out considering the rest of us are elves.

“Hey! You attacked those guys!” Sera cheered. “Yeah I did… I still don’t know how I feel about killing… but it’s a start right?” I shrug a bit.

“I think you did fantastic.” Blackwall says very bluntly. “I think we are all proud of you Lethallan.” Solas actually smiles at me when he says that! Seeing this Sera makes her way over to me nudging me with her elbow giving me this kissy face! I can’t help but flush red. “Sera!” I scold under my breath slapping her elbow away.

 

* * *

 

“Herald! You need to decide! Time is of the essence!” Cassandra slams her fist on the table of the war room.

“If you want to figure it out so bad why don’t you all just decide for me!” I defend. “It is not our choice to make! You are the one to put yourself at risk!” Cassandra yells back. _I have had enough!_

 _“_ LEAVE ME ALONE!” I scream. I watch as Josephine’s eyes go wide, mouth agape. Cullen looks pained. And the rest of the war room is eerily silent. “I am retiring to my cabin. Give me one more night to decide, I will have a decision in the morning.”

I slam the door behind me as I march out of the chantry and begin running to my cabin.

“Julie? Are you all right.” Varric calls out as I run past him.

I quickly close the door behind me. Falling up against it I feel the hot tears burn down my face. _Why is everything on me. I am just a normal girl. Thrown into this world. I am no hero._

When I feel the loud thud of three knocks on my door. “Can I get some alone time for like just two seconds.” I mumble as I wipe the tears from my face.

“Yes?” I question, as I open the door when I see Cullen staring at me. “If this is a bad time. I–.”

I cut him short. “So I’m assuming you came here to sway me to choose the Templars. I will not hear it Cullen! I just want to be alone!” I yell at him.

“Julie... That is not why I came here. I came–“ I don’t even give him a chance to finish as I slam the door in his face.

I fall to the ground again in a heap of tears. When I hear a creak as I feel another leaning up against the other side of the door. “What are you doing?” I manage to choke out.

“I came to see if you where alright. And I am not leaving tell I know you are.” He replies.

“Well then you are going to be waiting there a awful long time.”

“I don’t sleep well anyways. I can wait here all night, if need be.” _So stubborn but such a good guy at the same time! RGH!_

What I assume to be an hour goes by. “Cullen, you can leave. I’m fine.” I say to the door. “I am not leaving tell I verify with my own eyes.” _If it will get him to leave._ I open the door to find him immediately standing up to face me. The relief is obvious in his face.

“Makers breath I thought you where really going to make me wait all night.” I see that he is actually cold as I watch him rub his hands together.

“It’s just a lot of pressure to have this whole decision on me.” I stare into his concerned honey colored eyes. “I understand. That is why I came to you. But to also talk to you, about…” he says well turning his head around to face the lake. Where we shared our kiss.

I motion for him to come in as he heads straight for my fire to warm up his hands.

“Cullen. I need to tell you the truth.” I pause as he turns around to face me. “Our kiss on the bridge.”

“I understand. I will not speak of it ever.” he says a hard frown forms across his face.

“No. It’s not that.” I see the glimmer of hope in his eyes. “Cullen. I have feelings for you. I cannot deny that... But I am complicated right now. And you just remind me so much of Taylor…”

His face is now a mix of confusion and hurt. “Taylor was your fiancé correct?” “Yes…” I reply wanting to cry again. _I am breaking poor Cullen’s heart._

“I. Understand.” He says looking at me disappointed. “Friends?” he questions staring at me. “I am so sorry. Cullen. I–“

“You needn’t explain.” _He is so noble, so good._ “Do you want to talk about him?” _Wait… What?_

“Who? You mean Taylor?” _Nobody has really asked about him before in genuine curiosity since I’ve been here._

 _“_ I find that talking about a person helps. In the grieving process that is.” _I remember something about him loosing someone but I can’t put my finger on it._

 _“_ I actually would enjoy that.” I reply as he pulls out my desk chair and I sit on my bed. And start at the beginning.

“Taylor and I have known each other since before I can even remember. I remember running around with him causing mischief everywhere we went. But my first specific memory of him, is hard to pin point but I think I know... I had to be 4, or even younger than that.” The scene of the memory begins to florish in my mind.

“I remember seeing him playing alone in his front yard, so I run over there, mind you without asking my parents, to see what he is doing. His mom had set up a little sandbox for him to play in. He was contently building a perfect little sand castle. So you know what I did to his perfect little sand castle.”

I see a big smirk on Cullen’s face, reading my mind. “You didn’t.”

“Oh but I did. I jumped straight on top of it. Crushing it like a bug.” Cullen lets out a loud laugh.

I continue my story. “But what was really weird, is he didn’t cry or anything. He just looked at me shocked. Appalled that I would do something like to his precious little castle. And then he told me I was just upset because no way could I ever build a castle better then him. So we sat there and I of course tried to build a better sand castle then him. But his just had so much detail. Way better than any other kid our age it was like _magic.”_

I continue telling Cullen story after story of Taylor and I, tell I feel my eyes grow tired. I try to open them but they are glued shut as I feel my warm blanket cover my body, and small kiss placed on my forehead, as I drift off into the fade.

 


	12. Time Travel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really have no excuse to why I haven't posted this sooner other than its complete darkness where I live right now and I haven't been feeling very happy due to lack of vitamin D so my confidence in this chapter is really lacking. But anyways I hope you enjoy, I really hope its not complete garbage. 
> 
> * I don't claim any rights to the dragon age world, characters, or dialogue. blah. blah. blah.

“Let’s start with what happens if we go to the Templars?” Solas questions me as we sit in the fade. “I have to fight a envy demon from possession.”

Solas’ face forms a hard line. “Absolutely not, I will not put you at risk for possession.”

“Do you not even trust me to be able to be able to fight it off?” I question.

“No, just. I don’t want to risk it.” I watch the worry in his face grow. “What happens if we go to the mages?” _He will not like it if I tell him the truth of dispelling time…_ “Nothing eventful, it goes pretty smoothly we capture Alexius and come back here with little resistance.” “Then the mages seem the most suitable choice.” He responds, staring at me coolly in the eyes. 

 

* * *

  
  
Alexius throws the time travel amulet into the air, I faintly hear Solas yell, everything around me begins swirling, I gasp for breath, then darkness. 

My lids are heavy, I attempt to open them further to focus on the blurry figure in front of me. “Julie?” I hear the voice call out. “Julie?!” _TAYLOR!_ I grasp out and feel Taylor’s familiar arm, as my vison clears I see Taylor. _My Taylor_ , just the elven form, his sharp purple Mythal Vallaslin is so bright in person, and he has the most perfect pointed ears.

“TAYLOR!” I scream as I pull him into my chest. I smell him for the first time in over 9 weeks. The sweet smell of vanilla with a hint of musk fills my nostrils. Instantly I can feel hot tears burning down the side of my face, as soon as they begin to trail to fall off my face, I feel a wet lick on the side of my cheek. “Kenna” I squeal as I take in my surroundings I realize I am home.

“How?” I questions as Taylor lifts me onto my feet, I spy Dorain out cold in the corner of my living room, as I look over to my couch I see another form of myself. My human self sleeping on the couch. Taylor is closely examining my face. “Julie. This may seems strange but I was expecting you.” _Alexius didn’t send me forward in time he sent me backwards. Before I even came to Thedas. Wait. We can’t go. Taylor_. “Taylor you can’t go to Thedas!! Don’t take us! You, you…” as I feel his hand caress my face I look into his gentle auburn eyes now even brighter with the purple contrast. “Don’t tell me.” He whispers as he pulls me into another embrace. “Please Taylor… Life without you. It’s–“ He moves his hands gently up to my face, one finger going to my lips shushing them. Taylor’s lips trail back to my ear as he whispers “We don’t have much time.”

His hands have now trailed down my sides, as he tightens his grip around my hips pulling me into a soft gentle kiss. Suddenly our lips part again and I open my eyes to see a concerned scowl across his face. “Julie, you have to promise me something” he pauses, slipping a note into my front pocket. “No matter what you learn remember that what we had, has always been true. Read the note when you learn why you are an elf. Not before.” His eyes stern. 

“You’re not going to explain it to me?” I beg. I feel him once more caresses my face as he pulls a loose hair behind my now pointed ears. “I would tell you if I was allowed.” He whispers as he pulls me into another kiss. Please don’t let this end. 

“Tay’ln. We must go soon.” Flemeth’s voices fills my ears. I look over to see her standing by our large entryway mirror. “Come my child” she coos arms extending towards me.

“I have not seen you since you where barley seconds old, you have grown to be so much like your mother.” Flemeth says as she pulls me into an awkward embrace. As we part she stares at me, examining me carefully. “In 16 hours and 8 minutes you must return to Thedas. Tay’ln. Taylor as you know him as already set a timer.” She says carefully, her hand extends to the mirror “Say Sylaise Enasal to open this eluvian.” I watch as before my eyes the mirror comes to life. “I will be waiting for you to explain all of this. Say goodbye to your lover my child.”

I run back over to Taylor. “Taylor please don’t go.” I feel tears return streaming down my face. “I don’t want to move on.” I mumble out between sobs.

“Julie you must. Please for me.” His auburn eyes plead, as he pulls me into one last gentle kiss. “I love you” I sob out. I watch as his face changes from relief to deep sorrow. “I love you too, Goodbye.” He kisses my forehead as he breaks the embrace walking over to the sleeping form of myself. Carrying her through the eluvian. 

Flemeth approaches me again. “To say goodbye.” A bright light blinds my eyes as I feel a tingling sensitization all over my face. I feel up to my ears and they are rounded again.

“My child. I do not know when you will be able to return to this world. I know you care about it deeply so take anything you cherish.”

I hear Dorian groan from my living room. “I must go now. See you soon.” Flemeth gives me one last nod, then turns and walks through the eluvian it quickly snapping shut behind her.

“What is this dreadfully fashioned place?” I hear Dorian say as I begin to walk back to my living room. “Julie is that you?” he questions staring at my human form. “Yes, it is. I guess I have some explaining to do.”

 


	13. Goodbyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys enjoy. I think I finally am on set scheduled I will be posting on Fridays. Hopefully this keeps up, no promises though! 
> 
> As always I appericate all comments and feedback and of course love the kudos!

“So you are telling me we only have 15 something hours left here! In your true home! Before we have to go back to Thedas!” Dorian sternly questions me. “Yes Flemeth made it clear. We have to return in that exact time, my fiancé set a timer on my cellphone.” I glance down at it watching the seconds count down. _15 hours, 3 minutes, and 30 seconds. 29. 28. 27._

“Darling” Dorian snaps me out of my trance. “I have no clue what that contraception is. But I’m sure you can explain more later, you to need to focus on what Flemeth told you to do. Your family and friends.” _Dorian’s right._ “Your right.” I say as I continue to stare at my phone. “I guess I will call my best friend first.” “Call? Like a communication crystal? Oh forget me! Focus on your friends.” Dorian mumbles in the background as the phone is ringing in my ear.

“Uh. Hello?” I hear Nicole’s groggy voice say. _Forgot about time difference per usual._ “Sorry Nicole I forgot about time difference!” I try to defend. “You always do.” Nicole snarks back. “I’m just not used to you living in a 4 hour time difference!” I hear Nicole’s soft laugh. “Sure. Butthead. What do you want at this time it’s like 1 in the morning.” _What am I going to tell her! Shit! I didn’t think this through._

“Umm…” is all I can get out. “Julie? What’s wrong! Just tell me.” I now hear the anxiousness in her voice. _Ummmmmmmm._ _IDEA! “_ Taylor just got an internship in Spain. With one condition, we have to move tomorrow.” I hear Nicole loudly squeal into the phone “MY BEST FRIEND IS MOVING TO SPAIN!! YES! HOT MEN HERE I COME!” _now to break her heart of that dream._

“Actually it’s a really remote village, I don’t even remember the name Taylor told me. We won’t have any contact with the outside world well there.” “No contact! Not even writing?” she questions.

“I don’t believe so. But Nicole I got to go. I have to call my family. Just know you are seriously the best friend any girl could ask for.”

“Wait. You sound like your saying goodbye forever… Julie?” _Ugh. I can’t tell her._ “Nicole I got say goodbye to my family to. I have to go now. I love you.”

“Julie, I love you to… Just please be safe. I don’t want this to be the last time I get to talk to you.” As I press end call on my phone it hits me. _I might never get to hear her voice again… Or see her in person._

I look over at Dorian he has successfully made himself very comfy on my couch drinking some of the wine my mom got me for Christmas last year. Kenna, my dog was cuddled right next up to him. “Please tell me we are bringing her to Thedas.” Dorian gushes while scratching Kenna on her sweet spot right behind her ear.

“Wait you like dogs?” I question.

“No not normally. At least the ones in Thedas that’s a no. But this one, she smells nice for one, not like those stinky Mabari’s, and is just so lovely. I mean look at her beautiful black silky long fur.” Dorian no longer looking at me pulls his attention back to Kenna. “Oh who’s a good dog? Oh yes you are.” He baby talks her while giving her more affection.

I can’t help but feel my eyes roll. “Dorian you better protect her while we are there. If anything happens to her…”

“YES! That’s a yes! Of course I will protect her! She can stay in my cabin if your away!” he gleefully claps his hands together as he continues the onslaught of affection towards her.

Now back to calling the family, I guess I better convince Molly first. “I’m going to call my sister now.” I huff as I walk away from Dorian and my dog canoodling on my couch.

 

* * *

 

 

“I am coming over right now!” Molly exclaims. _DANG IT_! “No Molly, you can’t.”

“You cannot tell me you’re moving away for an indefinite amount of time and not expect me to come over!”  I hear the phone click silent.

“DOOORIIIAN!” I yell running to the living room! “I need to hide you! My sister is coming over!” “Why do we need to hide me? Just tell her I’m a friend.” He says in a sloshed voice I look over and he has finished the whole Christmas bottle from my mom and has moved onto one of my cheaper bottles of wine. “She plays Dragon Age. She knows about you! YOU’RE WORLD! We need to hide you!” I exclaim.

“You could have just started with that. Which closet will shall I be stuffed into?” he questions getting up off the couch. “You can just go hide in the spare bedroom last door on the left at the end of the hallway.” Dorian picks up the bottle of wine and with Kenna in stow walks into the spare bedroom, closing the door behind him.

I glance down at my attire, _I’m still in my armor from Thedas._ I quickly run back to my bedroom throwing it half hazardly to the floor as I quickly pull on some sweats, as I’m just getting the shirt over my head I hear a knock on my front door.

 

* * *

 

 

“Molly! I’ve missed you!” I exclaim as I pull her into a hug. Molly steps into my apartment. “You just saw me two days ago…” she says as she walks into my living room. _She’s too smart. She can always tell when something is up._

“Where’s Kenna? And where’s Taylor?” “Taylor took Kenna to his Mom’s to say bye.” I say with a great nervousness in my chest.

Molly’s eye now squint at me. “Yet you didn’t want to say bye to me in person, your hiding something. Julie I can always tell when you’re lying.” She looks around. “Kenna!” she calls and Kenna immediately barks from the back bedroom. “Why are you hiding her from me?” She questions as I step in front of her blocking her from the hallway. “You can’t go in there.”

“Oh yes I can” she pushes me away walking back to the bedroom door. I hear her scream. “DORIAN! Is this a dream!!!! AHHHHHHH!”

 

* * *

 

 

“I’m going to.” Molly exclaims crossing her arms “No you are not. I will not put you at risk. If you don’t remember correctly I am the Herald of Andraste? Basically making you a target for Corypheus. Plus I’m an elf in Thedas. I don’t think you are, actually I’m pretty sure you won’t be. How would we explain that?” _Please say fine I’m not going don’t think of a back story please Molly please!_  

“Easy I’m your half-sister. Our mom hooked up with human noble and gave birth to me. Making me, half human half elf. Aka human ears. Easy peasy. Your dad died when you were really young, you don’t remember him. And the Dalish accepted me as one of their own because our mom was the first of the clan. That’s why you were at the Conclave spying for her, for our clan!” _Dammit Molly!_

Dorian coughs interrupting Molly. “Ladies that will work for the general public. But you should really consider telling the rest of everyone the truth.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea Dorian, what if they don’t trust me anymore?” I reply. “Darling they still will. I do. Especially when we figure out why what Flemeth wants to tell you. I mean it’s pretty obvious you’re not originally from this world. There are no elves here, and I have feeling your boyfriend was in on it too.”

“Sadly Julie I think Dorian is right about the whole Taylor working for Flemeth thing. She did call him a different name did she not?” Molly says.

“Yes… You are right on those counts…”

“Julie please can I go. You know how much I love Thedas. I know you want to protect me like all good big sisters do. But this would make me happier than anything in the world. Well anything in this world” Molly pleads, she is giving me her best puppy eye look.

“Ugh fine!” I finally cave. Molly screams with excitement. “You better go home and get your things packed that you want to bring. And now you have to call mom and dad and explain where we are going. I told Nicole a remote village in Spain for an internship for Taylor”

“Remote Village in Spain? You couldn’t of thought of anything more believable?” Molly rolls her eyes “I will get on it. I’m better at lying than you anyways.”

 

* * *

 

 

30 seconds. 29. 28. 27. 26. “Molly are you sure about this.” I question standing before the now open Eluvian. With my bag of memories and supplies thrown over my shoulder. “More sure than I have ever been about anything.” She replies smiling, with her own hiking backpack strapped to her. I round up Kenna’s leash tight around my fist. “Are you ready my little Kenna?” Kenna happily barks in reply.  As I just stare at my phone. 5.4.3.2.1. “NOW!” I scream as we all clamor through the eluvian together.


	14. Explanations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Figuring out Julie's true past and why she is an elf.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoy!! I was going to wait and edit this a bit more, but I just can't wait anymore so if you see any errors please let me know! Also your comment and kudos are always much appreciated!

“Where are we now?” Dorian questions, as I take in our surroundings I know exactly where we are. “The crossroads” Molly and I say in unison.

“You are both right.” Flemeth says as she steps in front of us, she stares at Molly then glances at Kenna “I see my seers where correct on a few counts.”

“Julie I promised to explain, but it’s for your eyes only.”

“Abelas” I watch him step through an open eluvian, right as she says his name “Please escort Molly and Mr. Pavus to my estate. Have her change into something, might I say more Dalish?” I watch as Molly’s eyes bug out of her head, _Mythal really seems to know all_. “Take the dog as well.” She beckons. Abelas come up to me taking Kenna’s leash, then leads all of them back through the eluvian he came from.  

“My child now I can show you. Come with me.” She holds my hand directing me through a different eluvian.

We stepped right into the raw fade and Flemeth immediately started to change it. Suddenly we were in a huge gorgeous Temple much what I imaged Mythal’s to look like in its glory before being destroyed, when I see two elves arguing. One male with the most beautiful shade of skin tone I have ever seen. Almost pearlescent, with dark auburn hair, only highlighting his skin more. Then a women very pregnant. But almost an exact clone myself down to her long blonde hair running down her back. I can hear them argue now as Flemeth and I get closer.

“June! She is our mother! Our leader! How dare you make this plot!”  the women’s anger was boiling out of her, I could feel it now even in a fade reenactment “Sylaise, I am sorry but it must be done. Elgar'nan wants it so, I must follow him he is our father, don’t you want the best for our child?!” June reaches down caressing now who I know to be Sylaise, swollen stomach.

“Betraying her will not make the best future for our child. It will only be one of doom and sorrow, your thirst for power must be stopped.” Sylaise boldly defends, smacking his hand away. June grabs her wrist with such force I could see it immediately begin to bruise. “You will not defy me, Sylaise. Our child will have more power than any other being you can sense it, Elgar’nan has a plan for the child and mother we must help to complete it.”

“Watch me.” She threatens as she uses her mana to push him back crashing into a statue I assume to be of the lovers intertwined. She then pulls at her mana to turn the statue to ruble falling upon him as she runs through the nearest Eluvian.

The fade transforms before us again and we are Mythal’s temple back in its actual days of glory. Not over run with plant life.

“Mooothher!” She screams out at the doors of the temple. The doors magic brightens as they open, Abelas is there to greet Sylaise. “Sylaise, you seem distressed.” Abelas says calmly. “Abelas, I must find Mother where is she? As she steps across the threshold of the temple, I watch as water erupts below her knocking Sylaise off of her feet. She is caught by another one of Mythal’s personal guards when I look closer I see who it is. Taylor! “Sylaise, your water has broken.” Taylor says to her.

“Get Mythal Abelas, I will take her to the birthing chambers. Would you like us to send a messenger to June.” Taylor says holding her in his I know to be strong arms. Tears form in Sylaise’s eyes. “NO! Just get my Mother.” As a contraction waves over her, she screams out in pain.

The birthing chambers where a beautiful sight encrusted with gold and silver, and a mural over on one wall much to be like Solas’ style. I get distracted back to scene as Taylor sets Sylaise into the waters, she lets out a loud sign of relief. He finally takes the time to talk to her. “Sylaise, there is something wrong what is the matter I have never seen you like this, even if you are giving birth something is wrong?” He says well collecting her very long golden hair and pulling it up into a tight updo. “Oh Tay’ln.” she whimpers “June… He has betrayed all of us.”

The doors to the chamber open gently and in strolls who I assume to be Mythal. She has long white hair pulled into a long braid, she didn’t look a day over 25. “My child, Abelas told me the news! I am so overjoyed you came here!” Mythal notices Taylor’s face of sorrow. Mythal rushes to Sylaise’s side. “You didn’t just come here to share your birth did you child. Where is June?” “Mother...” She whimpers out as tears roll down her face. She pulls her mother into a tight embrace. As I watch a bright light transfer from Sylaise to Mythal.

Mythal pulls away from the hug in shock. “Elgar'nan, June… All of them. I knew one day… But I thought I had more time to prepare.” Stumbles off of her lips. Sylaise screams out in pain as a contraction hits. 

“My child we must hurry this along. We need to save your child from this outcome.” Sylaise nods in visible pain. I watch as Mythal casts a spell over Sylaise’s belly. Within mere seconds it had come time for Sylaise to push. I felt an eruption of mana explode from Sylaise introducing the child to the world.

Out came a beautiful baby girl, her eyes pale blue matching the sky, _like my eyes,_ she also emerged with a full head of hair as golden blonde as her mothers, _just like mine too…._

“Mother she is beautiful, incredible, I can’t let June take her from me.” Sylaise begins to cry, as I can feel mana flowing from the baby to Sylaise “She instinctively knows how to heal mother.” Sylaise murmurs out holding the baby tightly to her chest “Elora that is her name.”

Mythal herself begins to weep at the sight of her newly born granddaughter and daughter. “My child.” Mythal pulls her forehead upon Sylaise’s I assume to be transferring her plan. “Mother. Is there no other way!” Sylaise calls out crying harder, gripping the newborn tightly to her chest.

“My darling daughter. To protect her we must send her away. You know as well as I she has more power than even I, we must protect it.” Sylaise looks down to the newborns face then to Taylor’s.

“Tay’ln will you go as well. Protect her like you have protected me my whole life.” “As long as it is with Mythal’s blessing.” Taylor says boldly.

“It is.” Mythal nods at him. Mythal reaches down and cradles her newborn granddaughter, casting a spell. The baby coos as the magic tendrils surround her. “Tay’ln this will suppress her magic for now, and keep her true potential hidden from anyone but the people in the room currently. You will need to create a stronger talisman for when she is older though I suspect.” She approaches Taylor passing the plan along to him, along with the newborn. Shock appears across Taylor’s face. “Just go Tay’ln, get the seers and go!” Mythal orders. Taylor holds Elora tightly to his chest as he runs out the birthing room doors.

“Abelas” Mythal says holding her arms outreached. Abelas goes into the hug absorbing the plan. “No one must know the child lived. To everyone she is dead. Murdered by my own hand. No go fetch Fen’Harel. He will want to know what is going on.” Mythal barks at him. Then immediately goes to her daughter’s side.

Sylaise is distraught. “Mother, do you think she will be safe?” She sobs out. “Yes dear, no one will think to look where I have sent her. And you know Tay’ln he will protect her with his whole being. You have done the right thing. We have saved your child from what is going to become of us.”

Time seems to fast forward as the door to the birthing chambers explodes into ruble.

June and another blonde elven women walk through the ruble. “SYLISE!” June screams out in fury, as he sees the blood and mess of the birthing chamber. “WHERE IS MY CHILD!” As the other elven aims a golden arrows at Sylaise’s face. SHE IS _ANDURIL!_

“I couldn’t let her live, not with your plan!” Sylaise spits out at him tears flowing down her eyes, as Mythal moves herself between Anduril’s aim and Sylaise.

“June you have lost this one.” Mythal calmly speaks “You will never see her June, because I have taken her fate into my own hands.” Showing the two intruders her blood ridden hands. “NOOO! You would not, could not kill our child!!! Sylaise!!!!” June screams believing the ruse.

“She is better dead than be a part of your fathers plan! You gave me no choice!! ” Sylaise defends tears streaming down her face. The shock of it all has Anduril shaking, as June snatches Anduril’s bow from her fingertips and combined with his own and his sisters magic fires at Mythal, “Mythal you will pay!!!” striking her straight through the heart.

Just in time for Solas to arrive, a shock of disgust forms in his face, seeing Mythal being struck down. “Mother!” Sylaise cries out as she runs over to Mythal catching her as she falls. “Stay pure my child.” As she reaches up caressing Sylaise’s face. Breathing her last breath.

Elgar'nan than walks into the chambers, his fury is unpronounced at the scene, of no child and a dead Mythal. “June you were to wait! I needed to absorb her power so she couldn’t use an anchor and where is the child?!” His scream so loud it could rattle the very heavens “Father! She killed the child!” June defends his actions “YOU SHOULD HAVE WAITED! Now her death has no purpose! He turns to leave the room when he notices Solas standing at the scene as well. “Fen’Harel what are you doing here.” He bellows out. “I was told of your plan, and I came to assist in any way possible.” Solas such a trickster. Elgar’nan glares over at Sylaise, and with a bolt of lightning strikes Sylaise, knocking her back from her mother causing her to go limp

“Fen’Harel for your loyalty you may absorb her power before she dies, her betrayal has cost us everything. Come June & Anduril. We have to find a new plan.” Elgar’nan stated as he dragged his two children out of the room. “But Father! Sylaise!” June fought against his father’s grip “She has completed the ultimate betrayal son, you do not want a scum of a women like her at your side” Elgar’nan bellowed out “Father, even with the betrayal… I… I… love her!” June cried, well being dragged out of the chamber.

As soon as Elgar’nan had left the room Solas approached the deceased Mythal, shedding a tear for the loss, he then looks over at Sylaise, I could tell in his hands he was preparing his healing magic. “Fen’Harel, no, you must take revenge.” Sylaise uses what breath she has left, as Solas’ lifts her into his arms. “Sylaise, please let me heal you, you can flee, I do not have to absorb your power. I cannot just let you die.” He says whipping the tears away from her face. “Even though my power is not as great as my Mother’s I know it can help you Fen’Harel. Besides my child is dead. Take it.” Sylaise says, her face grief ridden “I am sorry, friend. I will take revenge for Mythal, you, and your child.” He says pushing the loose strands of hair behind her perfectly pointed ear “Thank you, Fen’Harel.”He reaches down and kisses her forehead as Sylaise disintegrates in his hands as I watch her essence flow into him just like the cut scene with Mythal.

I turn to Flemeth. “Do you understand, my child?” _I am the baby._ “I’m Elora aren’t I?” Flemeth sheds a tear. “Yes and I have waited so long to see you again.” I feel hot tears flow down my face. My true mother and grandmother had sacrificed everything to save me. “It is alright my dear” Flemeth coo’s as she pulls me into a tight embrace.  


	15. Storyteller

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy as always! Comments and Kudos are always much appreciated! 
> 
> Side note: I mentioned before that Julie traveled to Thedas before any DLC packs where released. So she does not know anything of Trespasser, so she has been clueless of Solas's real plan this whole time. Which also means that this chapter has Trespasser spoilers, just a heads up!

_So many questions…_ Flemeth pulls away from the embrace and swiftly wipes away my tears that still remain on my face. “I am sure you have many questions.” _It’s eerie how she knows all._ “Yes I do. But I don’t even know where to start? There is just too many now.”

“I will start from the beginning.”

The fade transforms before me and there is Mythal and Elgar'nan standing together, both younger, not royalty or godlike, simple, with two young blonde elven girls with them. “There was a time when we were just lovers, our small family out against the world. Grasping for power. Trying to make the world better.”

A horrific scene envelopes in front of me of wars, plagues, destruction, and then eventually peace, Mythal and Elgar’nan sitting in lavish palace at the head of a throne room. “Then our power became known. We took the power of the empire from the Gods of Old.” Scenes of celebrations and lavish balls appear before my eyes. “We had succeed in locking away the Gods, but we needed to secure our rule. There were many parts of our large kingdom and we could not rule all at once. So we named successors, created our own nobility, from those that where our greatest allies in the sealing away of the Gods of Old.”

Two men arms hooked appear before Mythal back in the previous throne room. “First there was the twins, the ones who learned that the Gods could be sealed away” I watch as Mythal dismounts from her throne and takes steps up to one.

“Falon’Din, Friend of the Dead,” I watch as she places a large skull and gemstone encrusted crown on his head, his features pronounced, by his pale skin, long dark hair and sharp elven features “and Dirthamen, Keeper of Secrets, our spymaster.” His features hidden by his hooded head, he quickly lifts his hood showing his short dark hair and the same sharp features as Falon’Din, she drapes an adorned necklace around his neck, he swiftly swoops it beneath his cloak, putting his hood up again.  

“Next came our blood daughters. Anduril and Sylaise.” Sylaise was adorned in the most beautiful gold and ivory long cathedral style gown. Her long golden hair pulled up into a decorated up do with rhinestones and glitter. Mythal placed a very large and lavish gold crown upon her head. “My sweet Sylaise, the Hearthkeeper, the keeper of the people, rightfully so, she cared deeply about all of the people, she first hand lead the healers on the battlefields. She was also the heiress of the throne being the first born.” Sylaise takes her crown with grace, bowing before her mother and father.

“My Anduril, Goddess of the Hunt” Anduril not dressed like her sister but in fine intricate armor, her hair pulled into a long braid with her bow still attached to her back, a quiver full of golden arrows. Mythal reaches out with a large badge and with a bright light embedded the golden badge into chest plate of Anduril’s armor “my sweet daughter, so much like her father, she lead the wars head on, eventually leading to the capture of the Gods, she was the blood and force of our armies.”

June then appeared before Mythal. In armor much like Anduril’s “The power hungry June, God of the Craft. Betrayer of his own.” She hands him a single golden glowing dagger as he bows before her. “He was the son of Dumat, the God of Silence. June’s lust for power grew, when he heard of our cause to imprison the Gods, he gave us the way, he crafted their prison earning his title as God of Craft.” Mythal looks heartbroken as she hands him the dagger as he bows before her. “The one sacrifice we had to make is that Sylaise our daughter, our heiress, was his.”

I watch as scenes of Sylaise begging her mother to not force the marriage, then I watch their wedding unfold. June crowned at the end of the ceremony with a crown much like Sylaise. “The one thing Sylaise was talented at though was making people love her, and seeing the best even in the most terrible people. I believe you might have inherited that trait from your mother my child.” Flemeth looks at me with soft eyes.

June fell for her as the millenniums washed by. I watched the simple courting, then came the love, the grand romantic gestures.

 “June’s original plan to gain power by marrying her didn’t matter anymore. She was his heart, and he was hers. She made him a better man, a better ruler. So they did what two people do when they love each other, what better way to seal their love then to create, so they created you.”

“But being royalty never makes these things simple. Instead of being viewed as being created out of love you were seen as the ultimate power move. You would be an heiress to the throne if anything where to happen to all of us, and have not only the blood of the world’s most powerful mages in you, but the blood of the Old Gods.”

I watch as riots of people wearing different vallaslins erupt.

“You were seen to be the true ruler of all the lands. Before you had even had your first breath. My seers, as always where right at my side giving me council on all the different outcomes. I had to save you. I had to whisk you away. Because the people where right. You are the rightful ruler to all. It was all in the timing though.”

“In the shadows Elgar'nan began to work against me. He broke our bond of marriage, the thrill of power over coming him, he swayed all our children to his side. He would take you, you would become ruler but have no control, and he would still be the hand of power controlling you like a puppet. Our people did not deserve that, and your mother knew that.” Flemeth looks disappointed in that moment, regretful.

“I should have told your mother sooner, but that was my mistake, I thought I was protecting her from this, that her husband, her heart, was about to betray her and their child. I was to make myself the villain in her eyes. Protect her from the pain, but she wouldn’t stand to let you be used. She was the Hearthkeeper of the people to the very end.” The regret plagues her face.

“But I had to prepare. So I brought in Fen'Harel, my own trusted confidant, I saw the potential in him, my seers did to. So as Elgar’nan was dealing behind closed doors of my downfall, I swiftly swooped Fen’Harel in raising him so far beyond any slave before. I removed his markings, making him bound to no one, he became one of us, a power play of my own.”

“Nothing angered him more than seeing people being used, he saw what was unfolding, but he was a trickster he played Elgar’nan’s side beautifully. A double agent as you would say.” I watch as he agrees to the use of me, to help Elgar’nan. Betray Mythal. Such a wonderful trickster he was.

“My dear Fen’Harel, he thought I was to do nothing but let this happen, but for the best ruse to work I had to let it be convincing, I told him I had no way to save you, but to offer you the best mercy, of death. Poor Fen’Harel was distraught. He began a plan of himself to save you, but only once you were already in Elgar’nan’s grasp. The issue with his plan is that I would not even let that foul man touch you.”

“But even with the best seers in life there is unexpected moments. Especially in the prediction of a baby coming. Luckily I had already prepared my soul anchor. So when I died. I really didn’t die. But your mother. She thought she was safe. The most beloved of the people. Never once thought to create one. Another one of my mistakes.” I watch as Flemeth grows somber.

“My plan worked beautifully though. Tay’ln and my seers, had successfully gotten you to Earth, you were safe out of reach. So now everything was on Fen’Harel.”

 _Taylor… Did he ever truly love me? Or was it all his duty, his form of protecting me_.

“The people did not believe Elgar’nan’s story that Sylaise and I killed the child, in the eyes of the people we were the best of them, the ones that promoted love and not sufferings, how would we ever kill our own flesh, and that an innocent child. With a gentle push the people where lead into a rebellion with their leader Fen’Harel, he removed the slave markings of the people using the spell I used on him freeing the people of their leaders holds on them. But 6 vs. 1. He didn’t have much of a fight. So he did what he had to, he created the veil. Trapping them in their own induvial prisons.”

My eyes almost bug out of my head. Solas, I knew he was Fen’Harel… I knew he was the one that sealed them away. But this… It makes sense now that I hear it but… “I can tell your confusion my child, you were supposed to have already learned this but my seers got their timing off. See every 10 years on earth equals a 1000 years here.”

_WHAT!_

“That is not important at the moment. I’m getting off track. What Fen’Harel did not realize though was that creating the veil even though it was the best way to seal away the gods. Cost our people everything… So now he looks to right that wrong.”

“To free the gods? And hope that they learned their lesson correct? Have them help us restore?” I finally question.

Flemeth just shakes her head. “No, to destroy the veil and burn this world in the process.” _No, No, No._

“Solas! He wouldn’t do that! He wouldn’t kill the whole world to just hopefully bring back the old world! He’s not that type of person.” I feel tears swell in my eyes. I feel Flemeth grip my shoulders making me focus on her.

“That is where you come in my child. You change everything. You need to convince him that pulling down the veil is not the best course of action. At least not all at once. This world has been separated from the veil too long. To him 2,000 years is nothing a blink of an eye, but this world it moves slower now. He will destroy the world if he tears the veil down destroying both the veil and the current world state. He needs to slowly release it. I know that the both of you can do it, and cost less lives in the process the only issue is. You will have to defeat them. Our family… When their prisons break they will seek to destroy this world, swiftly take it as their own. To defeat them you will need to go and side with the remaining Old Gods. You need to free them from their prisons before any more of them get tainted.”

“Woah. Slow down. You want me to go release the Old Gods? The ones that you sealed away! Won’t they know I’m a decedent of all of you?” Flemeth looks at me sternly.

“Yes but you are also their own blood. They have also been sealed away longer then our brethren. They realize their mistakes from the past, they are no longer the tyrants they once were. You will lead them.”

 _Me. Just plain, dull, ordinary Julie will lead Gods._ “I need some time.” Flemeth nods at me.

“I know you do. And you will have plenty.  We need to focus on the task at hand. Defeating Corypheus before he destroys the world himself. Then we can focus on growing you power, I will give you that knowledge I first must collect it from Kieran though.” _The old god soul_. This world slate they must have saved it.

“Wait you’re going to give me a soul. I don’t want to be merged.” I feel a panic attack verging in my chest. Flemeth shakes her head. “You will not be in any danger, it will give you knowledge and power, it cannot control you.” She grips my shoulders staring at me in the eyes. “I would not put you in danger.”

“It is time for you to return to your companions for the night. We will discuss more tomorrow but you need to get some nutrients. My child it’s been a very long day for you.”


	16. My Heart

Flemeth leads me into one of the various chambers of Mythal’s Temple, as we step into it I realize it is much like the first chamber I will eventually encounter when visiting this place to retrieve the Well of Sorrows before Corypheus.

We continue to walk through the chamber when I finally spot Molly talking to Dorian in the distance. I squint my eyes and can see she is decked out in full dalish armor with a fresh light blue Mythal Vallaslin illustrated on her face.

Molly’s brown eyes sharp with the contrast against the blue, her normally long curly brown hair pulled into a tight intricate braid, even her ears have been fitted with special ear guards that had a point to make her ears look elven, well more or less hide they are human ears.

As she turns I see a Dalish warrior shield attached to her back as well as a sword at her left side. Abelas for sure succeeded in making her look very Dalish.

Kenna calls my attention as well, no longer having her leash or collar from home but a more intricate one with dalish vines and designs on it with a glowing green gemstone attached to it where her normal nametag would be. She had white intricate designs covering her whole body reminding me of a Mabari’s war paint. I assume to help cover the fact that she is a completely different breed of dog than ever seen before in this land.

As Flemeth and I approach them Kenna immediately looks over at us and happy barks full on running towards me. Molly turns to look with a full smile as Kenna starts nuzzling my legs and sniffing me all over when she reaches me.

“Finally you guys are back! Abelas has been teaching me sword fighting!” Molly exclaims happily.

I glare at her.

“You are not going into battle with me, EVER. You know that right.”

Molly frowns sharply. “I didn’t think it hurt to learn _.”_

 _I’m being harsh_. “Your right it doesn’t I’m sorry. Just I now know things in this world are even more complicated that I thought, I wish I would have left you home to be safe.”

“I am going to take my leave. See you all tomorrow. Abelas will show you to your rooms.” Flemeth says as she strolls out of the chamber.

“What do you mean more complicated? More complicated than you being the Herald of Andraste?” Molly pesters.

“Yes actually a lot.”

* * *

 

Dorian was the first lead into his room and I could tell he was fascinated beyond belief at the sight of it, I caught a quick glimpse of his mouth hanging as he walked inside, Abelas quickly ushered Molly, Kenna, and I along.

He led us up to a room with a large doors, almost like the entrance to the temple, Abelas pushes his hand into it and with a gold flash the doors open. Inside was a very lavish room, untouched by time, gold encrusting the walls with great artwork embed into it with gemstones and silver. Reminding me of rooms Flemeth showed me earlier today.

“This was Sylaise’s suite. Flemeth wished you stay in it for the remainder of your time here.”

 Molly was the first to step into the room but Abelas swiftly stepped in front of her. “Do you wish her to stay with you?” he questions staring at me. _I’m almost like royalty here. I should have expected this_. “Uh yes. Yes of course. She might not be my blood but she is my sister.” I say to him. He bows goodbye, as he quickly leaves.

“What was all that about?” Molly questions as we walk into the room the doors seal with a gold flash, I’m assuming locking us inside to be safe. “There is so much I need to tell you.”

* * *

 

“Wait so you’re telling me you are basically a goddess! Julie! This is crazy!” She exclaims leaping off of the bed. “Right now we are in your birth mother’s room! At your birth grandmothers temple!!! Like whhhhaaaat?!” her enthusiasm is giving me a migraine.

“I know it’s amazing and all, but Molly did you not hear, this world is in incredible danger. It was not safe to bring you here” I try to focus.

“No I understand that. Just it’s incredible.” Molly says as she starts to examine more of the room. “They had to put us in here for a reason, other than it being your birth mother’s room.”

She immediately begins her Molly way of investigating checking every nook and cranny in the room. Right when I think she is going to give up she begins to slide her hand alongside the wall when I hear a click looking over I see a hidden doorway.

“Julie.” Molly’s eyes go wide as she takes steps inside.

Inside the secret room was much like a closet. Full of lavish gowns, gems, shoes. When I see it, Sylaise’s coronation crown.

Molly immediately eyes it. “Oh my god.” Is all she whispers out “its Sylaise’s coronation crown” I say as we take steps closer together.

Each step I take I can feel more of a warmth flowing from the crown. When I realize it’s not a warmth its healing mana. I wonder if Molly can feel it too as I feel it swirl around me easing all my aches.

When we are finally up next to examining it I see it, an orb much like Solas’ but gold and embedded in the center of the crown. “Is that what I think it is.” Molly points at it. “Yes I think so...”

“I wonder if this is why Flemeth showed me the coronations for all the rulers. Each item of coronation was their Foci.” The Foci is drawing me in as I reach my hand out. _I have to touch it._

“JULIE!” Molly calls out slapping my hand away right before my fingers graced the edges of the Foci. “I know you don’t remember doing it. But remember the last time you touched one of those. I look down at my marked hand. _She is right._ As we walk out of the room I can’t help the feeling of the calling to touch it.  
  
Shortly after leaving the closet and firmly shutting it there is a knock on our door, it lights up with gold and in strolls Abelas with a plate of food. He quickly puts it on the nearest table and retreats again. Closing the door behind him.

Molly and I start munching on the various fruits and vegetables that where provided.

“Is the Vallaslin real?” I question staring at the blue on her face. “Yes. Abelas said Flemeth insisted. If we want people to believe I am Dalish even though I am human, we had to make a good story of it. What better than to have a human have Dalish markings.” I know she is right, but I still don’t like what the marks mean. Especially since I have seen the past now and how the people that bore them where treated. At least Mythal was a kind ruler. “The true meaning doesn’t bother you?” I question.

“No. It does not. Does it bother you?” _Why? Oh._ “I forgot I had markings, but yes.”

Molly raises an eyebrow staring at me. “Are yours real?”

“As real as yours.”

Suddenly the room grows darker as I assume that is a signal for us to go to bed as we crawl into the most lavish bed I have been it since arriving in Thedas, and slowly I drift into the fade.

* * *

 

I see myself in the distance talking to Solas. I begin to approach slowly. I can tell myself I’m lying, this must be when I tell him the lie to get him to side with the mages. _Wait am I in the fade with myself is this even possible._ I watch my other self begin to fade, as I keep walking towards Solas, his head jolts in my direction.

And immediately he is front of me in wolf form growling. “Who are you reflection.” He growls in his deep wolf voice stalking around me in circles. “I am her.” I reply gulping. “I do not believe you.” He continues stalking me in a circle.

“How can I prove it to you?” I question. He sits down in front of me, as I reach down and get on my knees staring at him in his 6 red eyes. He starts sniffing me then, almost pushing me down, his nose sniffing so intently.

His eyes draw wide as he immediately transforms back into human form. “How are you here?” he questions, concern heavy in his voice “You are different but it is you.” _Do I tell him now? What do I revel? I don’t want him to stop us from siding with the mages._

“I have time traveled.” I muster out.

“What? How!” _great I have just created more questions for myself._ “I’m figuring out. I think I have to stay in hiding tell myself now time travels though.” His eyes go wide. “Are you safe? Has anyone hurt you? Where are you I will come and assist?” He begins to offer. “No stay where you are she needs you more. I am safe. I think safer than my other self is now.”

“How far did you go back? You seem different, in more than one way.”

“Honestly not far. It will happen soon. But this is valuable you must not get in the way of it happening.”

I watch as the fury build in Solas, rightfully so. “You forbid me from interfering.” He glares.

“Yes. This is important, for me. Please Solas. If you interfere… I don’t get the goodbye.” My heart pains.

Solas stares at me “from who.” He questions.

“Taylor.”

“Ah. Is he alive?” My chest aches.

“No.” I whimper out as the tears flow, falling on my knees to the ground. Solas quickly gets down to my level. “I am sorry for your loss, Lethallan.” He coos as he pulls me into an embrace. I watch as my tears fall down onto his tunic, staining it.

“He’s not fair.” I cry. When unexpectelly I feel my sorrow turn to anger. “He choose this fate for me. He forced me to live without him. He lied to me!” I scream out pushing Solas away from me, standing. I feel my fury ripple the fade around me.

“Julie. You need to calm down. You will attract unwanted spirits.” Solas scolds pulling me back to reality.

“He lied, for so long, a betrayal… worse than…” I choke up. He has lied to me since the day we met. Our whole lives. His betrayal. It’s It’s…  

“Worse than mine.” Solas says blatantly.

“Yes.” I whimper out, kicking the dirt of the fade below me. Why does my heart fall for people like this? People like Taylor, like Solas. People that will always break my heart. Maybe I am doomed to never have Love. Just like my mother, her lover even doomed her in the end.

“My heart is too good.” I scold myself. “Don’t say that.” Solas says, I feel his hand reaching out onto my shoulder. “Why? What good does it have? I might as well harden my heart. It will make things easier in the long run.”

I turn to see Solas’ pained face. “I will not make the same mistakes as I did before.” His eyes look true.

“How?” I question. “Because I have you.” I feel my cheeks flush. “Whoever’s heart I broke before. She was not you. She did not have the spirit that you have.” He says pointing at my chest. “She did not have your heart. Your pure heart. I will never leave you alone in this world.” He promises, his own cheeks flush as he pulls me tight into his arms. I’m staring at him directly in his steel grey eyes. “I will never forsake you.”

I soften into his grasp as the space between us grows smaller. Our lips almost touching. His hand trails up to my cheek slowly rubbing away the still remaining tears, before it makes it way around the base of my neck. My breath quickens as I feel his other hand slowly make its way down my side cupping my back. _Oh how I want to kiss him._ We are so close I feel his nose lightly brush mine. I reach my own hands up to cup his cheeks, before our lips finally touch.

Its electric, a spark. Everything within me feels like it’s on fire. As I feel his tongue dance with mine. His hand lowers, as a moan escapes my throat. I flutter my eyes open to see his own staring into mine. Our lips break apart. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have taken advantage of you.” He whispers breaking out embrace.

“No, Solas You didn’t–“

Suddenly I am awake. Gasping.

I look over to Molly still asleep with her hair falling out of her intricate braid, and Kenna rolled over on her back knocked out at the base of my feet.

_I am not going to be able to fall back asleep easily now._

I silently maneuver my way out of the bed and go back up to the secret door opening it quickly and quietly, sliding inside. I feel the instant warmth of the mana coming from the Foci as I approach it.

As my hand presses into the Foci I feel an instant warmth over my body as everything goes bright.

Flashes, flash before my eyes overwhelming me. Spells, Magic, Language, and Memories all absorbed.  

I awake with a very concerned Molly looking down at me. I hear Abelas call out. “I will go get Flemeth.”

“Julie I told you not to touch it.” Molly scolds. “When have I ever been good at listening” I reply back with a smile, I look down at my right hand and it is still gripping the Foci ripped right out of the crown, I look over to my left and the mark was subsided not even letting off the faint green glow beneath my skin like normal. Just nothing. My skin healed no scar of its abrasion. “Is the mark gone?” I panic pushing myself up from laying on the floor. _I still need it to save the world._ Molly anxiously picks up my hand.

When I think I hear a faint memory, whispering of how to control it. “ _Awake”_ I whisper and the mark comes alive in the palm of my hand. Not crackling, not fighting me, just glowing.

“What did you just say?” Molly questions me. “Awake?” Molly scowls. “No you did not, it sounded like something in elven.”

When Flemeth walks into the room smiling. “ _You are truly elvhen now_ ” a new language graces my ears. “ _How?”_ I question staring at Flemeth. She strolls over to me helping me off of the ground, and holds my arm taking me over to a large mirror back in my mother’s suite.

Looking in the mirror reminds me of myself first seeing my reflection back in Haven. The same feeling of wonder and unfamiliar-ness fills me. No Vallaslin graced my face, whereas every little scar, blemish, even my dark circles where gone. I looked down at the rest of my body in the sparse nightgown I was supplied with and my body almost gleamed it was so perfect and smooth. Utter perfection looked back at me in the mirror, my skintone now matching that of June’s I saw in the visions.

 _“Your mothers Foci, has given you the gift of substantial immortality, I assume it has also taught you many valuable tricks other than just language my child.”_ I nod in agreement. “ _Silence”_ I whisper as the mark quiets.

“ _An heiress such as you should not dress as such. I will have my servants come supply you with new armor. After this we will speak more, before you depart for Redcliffe.”_

I stare at myself in the mirror. I look so much like the elves that graced my mind yesterday it’s almost scary to look at my self. To look in the mirror and not see me staring back.

Then I remember Solas’ and I kiss as I reach up and touch my lips. Would he even love this form of me? This form that reminds him so much of the past. The past he destroyed. Then I remember the anger at Taylor that digs its way into my heart. What does my heart even want anymore?


	17. Confused

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello all! For one I apologize for the 3 month break! Alot of personal stuff has went on, and I was suffering from some major writers block! I might suggest re-reading at least the last 3 chapters before reading this one! 
> 
> I hope you enjoy! Kudos and comments are always much appreciated!!

“I guess I should be use to this by now.” Dorian says well staring at my once again new form. “I don’t even know how to get used to it myself.” My reflection with now perfect skin almost glowing back at me.

I’m enchanted by the armor Mythal servants crafted me, an elegant golden suite of armor with a matching golden bow, looking in the mirror my long hair pulled into an intricate braid, bow strapped to my back, I look much like my long lost Aunt Anduril from the visions… I am consumed starring at myself when I hear the chamber door open.

“ _My child.”_ Flemeth calls to me in elven. _“Yes”_ I reply turning to look at her.

“ _I thought you would want this.”_ She reaches out her hand holding a crinkled piece of paper. _“We found it in your old armor.”_

_The letter from Taylor how could I forget!_

I quickly reach over snatching it from Flemeth.

 

**_My love,_ ** _  
By now you know who you truly are, what your duties are to this world. Knowing you, you are either very angry at me or mourning me, even possibly of a mix of both. I want you to know my intention was never to hurt you. I wanted to tell you so many times what I knew! I even wanted to save you from the fate of this world._

_But I am bound to the will of Mythal, I had no choice but to obey, to take you in harm’s way. If I had a choice we would be getting married right now, living somewhere on earth, we would have a family, all your dreams you had for our future would come true. That is no longer a possibility for us but it’s still a possibility for you._

_I already know, Mythal has informed me about Cullen and the Wolf. Both have the possibility to make you very happy. I do not have the right to say who you would be happier with but the one thing that I know that could possibly hold you back, is me. So please Julie forget me. Another cruel thing of me to do asking you this but your happiness is the most important thing to me._

_Set yourself free of me, and always remember that what we had was true, it was never part of my duty to fall in love._

_I love you and forever will._

**_Taylor_ **

****

I feel the hot tears burn down my face. _“I am sorry about Tay’ln my child.”_ Flemeth coos.

“ _No you are not! You forced him to lie to me!”_ I feel anger build in me. “ _Its your fault he is dead!”_ I scream at her.

 _“It is not my doing but his own. It was never part of the plan for him to assist you. He choose his own fate when he went with you to retrieve the orb.”_ I just want to scream and sob all at once.

“It is not polite to speak a language someone does not understand right in front of them you know?” Dorian speaks up. “Whatever you are saying to my friend you are making her very upset. A lot has happen to her in this short amount of time, so I suggest you leave.” Dorian glares at Flemeth.

“Shem, you do realize you are speaking to correct?” Flemeth replies.

“Yes I do and if you had any humanity you would realize when your own family is suffering.”

Flemeth nods at me as she strolls out of the room. Dorian quickly gets to my side. “What is it may I ask?” He questions staring at the note. “It’s from Taylor.” I respond shakily handing him the letter. I watch his facial expression change as he reads. “Do you want me to go get your sister?” He questions folding up the note. “No. I. just want to be alone.” Dorian hands me back the note before he leaves the chambers.

With the click of the doors sealing I feel the emotion in me erupt. Screaming, crying, fury, I run to bed landing face first in the soft sheets. The tears rolls down my face in waves, as I wail out. I want to be alone, but at the same time I don’t. I want comfort, I want Taylors strong arms holding me telling me everything will be okay… Anybody. Somebody.

My heart feels like it’s going to implode with my feelings, it feels as I have been stabbed right through my chest. _He wants me to let go of him? Just like that!_

“Searing, burning, heartbreak.” I hear a familiar voice behind me. I turn to see Cole with his large hat, sitting on the windowsill on the other side of the room. “Cole.” I whimper out. “You need me. I felt you calling. You know me?” he questions before appearing right in front of me.

I leap into a hug, pulling him close to me. I feel at peace for a moment before I remember why I was upset.

“Oh.” Is all Cole says as he puts his arms around me holding me tightly and firmly. “He wants you to be happy, but you feel you can’t be without him. You can be happy. Do you want me to make you forget?” He questions concerned breaking apart from our hug.

 _To forgot Taylor completely. No. That’s not the right choice._ “It would be easier, but I think your right.” He says his cool eyes staring into my own.

“Can I stay?” Innocent Cole stares at me. “Yes, yes you can.” I sit back down onto the lush bed.

“You’re confused.” Cole states as he makes himself comfortable on the bed. “Your heart is pulled in three different directions, one is gone forever you know that, its pushing you towards one because he is familiar. Oh both are.” Coles face is shocked “You are very torn.”

“Yes I am… I just never thought of myself to be one of these type of people. To fall for more than one. I thought Taylor was it. I thought he was the one my heart belonged to, but then the betrayal, then this letter. I just don’t know. I feel like I rushed myself into something with both Solas & Cullen before my heart has even healed from Taylor. Yet at the same time…”

“Your feelings for one are more real.” Cole states staring at me. “Yes. But how do I protect the other from heartbreak? How do I even move on from Taylor.”  
  
“You did already. Just he has resurfaced, like most wounds do.” I never thought Cole to be so insightful.

“But what about what I am now? Will his feelings change? I will remind him of the past…” I question staring at Cole.

“No you will give him hope. You give everyone hope.”

 

* * *

 

“You know the plan then.” Flemeth stares at me.

“Yes Abelas is taking Molly & Kenna to Haven. Cole will disguise Dorian and I in the Castle, and not make himself known. Everyone at the castle will come to believe that Andraste herself has risen me from the dead, explanation for my new appearance. We will side with the mages, and I will not see you again tell after the attack on this place.”

“ _You are ready my child_.” Flemeth coos in her familiar voice, outreaching her arms, I wrap my arms around her, absorbing her warmth and calmness. _“You are strong my child, you can fight and win whatever comes at you. You are my grandchild after all. For now we must part ways, I will see you soon enough, truly I am sorry about Tay’ln.”_ Her golden eyes staring into my own, I see the true apology lying beneath. _“I understand your sacrifice, and I understand more to come. Thank you grandmother.”_

 _“My little heart. Goodbye”_ As she places a small kiss upon my forehead.

* * *

 

“NO!” I hear Solas yell through the door as we burst them open. Everyone looks as us I watch the portal close that took us back to earth. “

You’ll have to do better than that.” Dorian calls out, I watch as Alexius falls to his knees seeing us approach.

I make eye contact with Solas his face clearly distraught, his eyes wide staring at my new form for the first time. He flinches looking like he is going to run to me, I can see the questions festering in him.

I focus my attention to Alexius, “Put aside all claim to Redcliffe, and we let you live.” Alexius continue to look at the floor as he breaths out. “You won. There is no point extending this charade.” He then looks up at the dying Felix. “Felix…”

“It’s going to be all right, Father.” Alexius shakes his head. “You’ll die.”

“Everyone dies.” They have an exchange of longing looks before Alexius gets up on his feet. Soldiers escort them both out of the room.

“I’m glad that’s over with.” Dorian announces as soon as the kings guards march to their posts. “or not.” In walks the one and only King Alistair.

“Grand Enchanter. Imagine how surprised I was to learn you’d given Redcliffe Castle away to a Tevinter Magister.”

“King Alistair!” Fiona runs over to him. “Especially since I’m fairly sure Redcliffe belongs to Arl Teagan.”

“Your majesty, we never intended…”

“I know what you intended. I wanted to help you, but you’ve made it impossible. You and your followers are no longer welcome in Ferelden.” _To see Alistair banish his own mother without knowing it…_

“But… We have hundreds who need protection! Where will we go?”

“Fiona, I came here to gain mages to close the breach.” I say watching her face carefully change “And what are the terms of this arrangement?”

“We would be honored to have you fight as our allies, at the Inquisition’s side.”

“A generous offer. But will the rest of the Inquisition honor it?”

“The breach threaten all of Thedas, we cannot afford to be divided now. We can’t fight it without you. Any chance of success requires your full support.” Finally relief washes over Fiona’s face.

“I’d take that offer if I were you. One way or another, you’re leaving my kingdom.” Fiona’s bows her head in sorrow. “We accept. It would be madness not to. I will gather my people and ready them for the journey to Haven. The breach will be closed. You will not regret giving us this chance.”

I turn back to the group, Cassandra, Bull, Blackwall, Sera, Varric, Vivienne and Solas all staring at me, wide eyed. “What?” _Is this how I gauge their reactions vs. the approval system?_

“Dear, care to explain your new appearance?” Vivienne stares at me motioning her hand up and down. _Ahh…_ “Does that matter Vivienne, Thank the maker I thought you were gone” Cassandra runs up to me, hugging me for the first time. “Vivienne does have a point though, how do you explain this one sunshine?” Varric stares at me. “You glow, like seriously glow, what the shite?” Sera explains running up to me, grabbing my hand twirling my arm in the light “She’s still boss, does it matter what she looks like?” Bull chimes in as well.

“Andra–“ I’m interrupted by Solas grabbing my left arm.. Examining the mark, “How?” He questions carefully running his hand over mine, examining it. “ _I will explain more in the fade.”_ His eyes light up more, moving his gaze to staring closely into my own. “I thought I had been foolish, I thought you were gone… Please don’t ever do that again.” He grips my hand before letting go swiftly. Moving back with the rest of the group.

“Andraste herself found us before our souls traveled to the beyond. She saved us. That is all that needs to be known. I will discuss the rest later” I say simply to them.

“We need to return to Haven.” a shaky Cassandra exclaims, as we all begin to make our way out of the castle.

Solas walks closer than normal eyeing everyone and everything as we make our way through the village, the stares of the people I could feel burning into me they were so sharp, mumbles of the herald, our savior, resurrection, talks of godhood could be heard as we made our way out of Redcliffe and onto our horses.

“I am a giant horned Quanari and I have never caught as much attention as I just did boss.” Bull mumbles as he mounts his horse. “I know, I’m getting used to it myself.” I sigh.

“Let’s just quickly get back to Haven.” Cassandra mutters _. She is nervous I can tell, for what it would mean if I was truly resurrected she needs the truth and soon._

 

* * *

 

“Cassandra, we have been riding for hours, it’s getting dark we should make camp for the night.” Varric attempts to reason with Cass.

“Everyone get on your mounts, breaks over, we ride tell we arrive in Haven.”

 I may have been given immortality but I am still exhausted and my back defiantly is murdering me right now. “Cassandra, please…” I beg as she stares at me.

“Herald, we must get back.” She pleads at me with her own eyes now.

“I don’t know if I can make it back if we keep up at this pace. I am exhausted, look around Cassandra, everyone is. I am alright, I’m different now, there is more to the story though then what I said in the castle. That simply needed to be said to explain to the people, just like the original story you did not snuff out.” I can see a bit of the stiffness in her shoulders relax as I speak those words.

“Fine we camp here, I will take first watch.” Cassandra announces.

Everyone quickly assembles camp, before Cassandra can change her mind. Rather quickly I am settled into my shared tent with Sera. “You’re still you right?” she questions at me. “Yes still me” I sigh out.

“Good because you look so different now, you know, I mean woof, but I liked the old you to” she contently says well crawling into her bedroll “I liked the old me to” I reply as Sera closes her eyes.

It hits me in the tent as I’m looking at my mostly naked self under my cover that the one last bit of home. Of who I used to be is gone. There is no more scars from my rough tomboy childhood on my legs or hands. Or that one scar from the time I fell off the deck at our lake cabin and scratched my arm as I fell. Every memory connected with my scars and imperfections had no more reminders on my body. They were just gone, and in time, in my now immortal amount of time… Those memories would fade. I would forget the normal girl I used to be.  

“Shite, are you crying?” Sera whispers interrupting my thoughts “I’m sorry Sera, I didn’t mean to keep you up.” I whisper back as I rub the tears away from my face.

“You weren’t. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. Just it’s going to take some getting used to, the new you. I mean I like you for your insides, I mean… You know what I mean, who you are, you care about the little people, you care about the big people even the baddies! Which is strange but it makes you good, more good then I can be, I hate them. But you… You still care. Anyways, you’re still you, just outside you look different that’s all and we will all need to adjust.” _Sera is not wrong. “_ Plus your new armor shite! It’s so flashy and your bow! I think more people were shocked in that then your appearance. It’s like your some type of royalty in it, makes them afraid you’re not a little person anymore. I mean look at Cassandra!” Sera giggles back. “I don’t think Cassandra is going to sleep at all tell we get back to Haven!” Sera gets out of her bedroll, peeking her head out of the tent. “Nope I’m right no sleep for her, but hey Varric’s going to keep her company.” She practically pulls me out of my own bedroll to look.

Of course there is Varric, sitting by the campfire with her as she stares into it. I can’t hear what they are saying but the one thing that is clear is that Varric does have feelings for her as they sit there by the fire attempting to console her from what she saw during the day.

As I lay my head back down on my bedroll I feel a sense of peace, as my eyes slowly draw shut.


	18. Rage

I appear in the dark of the fade nothing shaped around me just pure nothingness. “Solas?” I call out as I begin to walk in the darkness. “Hello?” I call out again. _I have never been in this part of the fade before._

 _No noise, nothing but being trapped here in my own thoughts_. “Hello?” I call into the blackness again. “SOLAS! ANYBODY!” _It’s been so long since I have had a nightmare…_

*Clink* a sharp noise falls behind me I jump turning around, nothing. I turn back to continue walking and am pushed down onto my back.

Claws tearing into every inch of my body, devouring me as I feel the hot pain burn, I scream out into the darkness, as I feel myself getting pulled into it, pulling me deeper and deeper, I hear a whisper in my ear. “You don’t belong here.” Air is cut off as I gasp for breath. “SOL–“ _my voice is gone._

“The betrayer interesting choice.” A new voice bellows out “I cannot wait to strike you down. To destroy you. To destroy him.” The evil voice cackles out.

_JULIE WAKE UP! PLEASE!_

“Just wait tell you see me! You will envy that you did not join me!” The voice calls out louder. “NOOOO! I AM NOT DONE WITH HER” the deep voice screams.

 “JULIE WAKE UP!” Taylor’s voice calls out to me. The pressure on my chest is gone. I can breathe. “Taylor?” I question into the darkness as I stand “JULIE RUN! Get out of here! Before it, Befo –“ Taylor is cut off as I hear the deep voice cackle again.  I sprint into the darkness tell I finally see a speck of light, I keep running and running tell the light consumes me all at once.

I jolt awake daylight just begining to peek through my shared tent. I carefully crawl out of bedroll trying not to disturb Sera as I pull a long loose shirt over my head, and make my way out of the tent.

“Ah Julie.” I hear Solas call right as I step outside of the tent. “Solas.” I look up at him, his own skin having a dewy warm glow as the sun rise just peaks over the mountains. “You didn’t sleep well I take it?” he questions staring at me up and down.

“No, no. I did not. I had a horrible nightmare.” I make my way to the dying campfire sitting on the still damp ground from the morning’s dew.

“Why didn’t you call for me?” He questions staring at me. “I… I tried. I know we were supposed to talk last night. About all of this.” I motion at my own body. “It was just horrible. Ever since you taught me to navigate the fade I haven’t reached a place like that. It was eerie.” The voice cackling almost ringing in my ears.

“Don’t worry about us talking we can cover that when we return to Haven. I am just happy you’re alright.” He stares at his own feet shuffling them about in the dirt “Did you get the goodbye you seeked?”

“Yes, yes I did. Not sure if it makes things much better.” I sigh well twisting my hand in the ground tearing up the moss below. _This conversation has a more awkward feeling than normal._

“About the kiss.” Solas states. “I apologize. The kiss was impulsive and ill considered, and I should not have engaged it. I understand you need time to heal. I shouldn’t have made that burden even more complicated.”

 _A rage is ignited in my heart, almost repeating game dialogue there aren’t we Solas. “_ Please just don’t. Don’t say that, I’ve heard almost that same excuses before. Don’t tell me things will be different when they won’t be.” I stand up quickly, throwing the moss clumped in my hand to the ground and turning away from him.

“How am I supposed to know everything these other versions of myself have said to you!” Solas defends as I hear him shuffling to a standing position _._ “To my own knowledge I am being different, I am not abandoning you and I don’t plan to.”

 _I am not being fair, I didn’t tell him what was said, only showed him visions_. I slowly turn around to face him “I wasn’t being fair, I apologize myself. Just things didn’t go as well as planned, and my bitterness is being taken out on you, I got answers I’m just not sure I wanted them.” I sigh out, shamed to even look at his face.

Out of the corner of my eye I see his own head in his hands. “I didn’t speak in an attempt to upset you, I was trying to make things simpler on you by removing myself from the equation and preventing your emotions being dragged in more places that they needn’t be.”

I make my way back to the cold moss surrounding the almost now dead campfire _._ “So much has happen Solas. To me. To my heart. I don’t even know what to do with myself.” I sigh well watching the last few embers flicker up into the air before dissipating.

“I know, Lethallan.” Solas whispers as he makes his way back to his log.

“What are you two going on about?” I hear Sera question, turning to see her head popping out of our shared tent. “Nothing Sera.” I sigh.

“Tonight I would like to stay in your cabin once reach Haven.” I feel a rush go to my cheeks as his voice reach my ears. “It makes it easier to find someone in the fade if they’re in close proximity in the waking world. Last night I couldn’t even sense you in the fade. I want to see if I have the same results as last night. It seems strange that after what has happen to you” he pauses staring at me, examining my new form “that your access to the fade would be cut off. If anything it should be more enhanced.”

 

* * *

 

As we finally reach Haven I see Cullen waiting for us at the gates with Leliana, Cullen with a concerned look on his face and Leliana with a steel cold expression. “That is not good sign” Cassandra announces before she speeds up on her mount rushing to gates leaving us all behind in the dust.

“I wonder what her big deal is.” I question. “It’s never a good thing to have people awaiting your arrival, something must be amiss.” Solas responds rather quickly. “Besides me?”

“Sunshine there has to be something more going on, she wouldn’t readily abandon us.” Varric replies

I watch as Cassandra dismounts consulting them, and suddenly looking a mix of horrified and shocked before staring back at us with a pale expression.  She quickly makes her way into Haven as the others still wait for us. “Shite.” Sera yells out. “I suggest we get to Haven with more haste.” Solas announces to the group.

What could have happen… Oh shit! MOLLY! I DIDN’T TELL ANYONE TO EXPECT HER ARRIVAL!! I turn quickly looking at Dorian. _What could they have done to her?_ Dorian quickly reads my face. “Dear? Did you happen to mention your sister to anyone?” I couldn’t even speak. “Your sister?” Solas chimes in. “Ah, I take that as a no.” Dorian announces as he quickly bolts off following Cassandra’s lead.

Engrossed in my thoughts of the worse, I hadn’t realized I had pulled my horse to a stop, or that anyone was even talking to me “Julie.” I hear Solas voice pierce my thoughts like a knife.

“What do you think they did to her?” I gulp out. “We can only know once we arrive to Haven, please.” He reaches his hand out motioning me to climb on his mount. I transfer over to his horse quite simply, clutching onto him, the familiar smell of pine hitting my nostrils calming me, as I feel the horse below me roughly and quickly making its way to Haven.

Everything around me is still. No sound, a daze as Solas talks to Leliana, I watch as a look of disgust graces his face. All I hear is a sharp ringing piercing my ear drums. “JULIE.” Solas calls again snapping me out of it.

“Come.” He helps me dismount from the horse as he holds my hand walking me to the chantry. “Filthy shems, thinking they know what’s right.” Solas mumbles. “What?” I question. “Did you not.” He stares at my expression. “Julie, your sister has not been treated well.” He stares at my face. I feel like I’m going to break. “What do you mean?” I question.

“They thought she was lying, a human, pretending to be related to you, I understand their suspect but they should have waited for your approval” We continue on our walk to the chantry.

We make our way down to the jail cells as the smell of bile and sweat assaults my nose, when I see Cassandra blocking a jail cell. “The Herald… Shouldn’t have to see this.” Her tone firm. “WHAT DID YOU DO?” I push her out of the way.

I see Molly covered in dirt and bile, her skin stained with blood, armor torn, hair all over. I feel a fury began to burn in my heart. I see Cole sitting by her holding her as Dorian was expecting her arm. “Who did this!” I scream, loosing it. Molly just stares at me like she used to when we where kids and did something bad but didn't want the blame, tears gracing her face.

“She can’t speak right now.” Cole says calmly “So I will for her. It was Leliana, her agents, they ambushed Abelas, Molly and Kenna.” Suddenly I feel my heart drop. _Kenna to. “_ I got Kenna out. She was too easy of a target, you couldn’t handle that loss to, Abelas had Molly covered at the moment.” Cole replies. “I shouldn’t have left them.” His hat tilting down, covering his face. “Cole, no.” Molly’s voice scratchy, reaching her other hand up to him.

I hadn’t realized that Solas had as well made his way down to Molly healing magic erupting from his hands. “Where is Abelas?” I question. Cole points over to another cell across the hall. “They have his magic blocked. I tried to unlock the cuffs, but they wouldn’t come undone.” Cole replies.

“Tend to her, I will be fine” his voice still smooth, I watch as Abelas pulls himself up to the front of his cell. “I am sorry I failed you.”

I turn back to Molly kneeling in front of her. “No one would believe her. That she was your sister.” Cole answers my question before I even ask it. “I’m so sorry Molly, they will pay.” I feel the anger burn like lava in my chest, my heart pushing the heat through my veins.  I turn away from Molly marching back up the stairs. I could hear someone yelling to me but I couldn’t stop the burning. I was so angry. Never before in my life have I felt this type of anger.

As I marched out of the Chantry I see Leliana & Cullen, talking to the rest of the group. “HOW COULD YOU!” I scream out. I could see nothing but red.

I fade step to the front of Leliana. Grabbing her by the throat. “SHE IS MY SISTER! MY BLOOD! HOW DARE YOU!” the warmness of rage was flowing through me. It felt good to embrace the power to feel it began to burn everything I touched. Then suddenly everything all at once cut off, and darkness.

 

* * *

 

I open my eyes and I am in my cabin from the looks of it. I begin to sit up and see Solas resting his head asleep on my bed, _Where is Molly?_ I feel my chest tighten as I quickly begin to get up. When Solas bolts awake holding my shoulders down. “No Julie. You can’t leave. Your sister is alright, so is Kenna.” I feel a warm calm surge over me.

“What happen?” I gulp. “The last I remember is feeling so angry like lava was pumping through my veins, and then… I attacked Leliana! IN FRONT OF ALL OF HAVEN!” I feel my chest tighten once more. “Yes you attacked her. Then Cullen un-wisely attempted to silence you.” Solas states.

“Then what?” I question. “You almost burned all of Haven down with your rage.” My throat goes dry.

“Bull managed to hold you down, even with your resistance tell finally, Varric hit you in the head, knocking you out cold.” I feel up to my head a small pain vibrating from the back of it. “No one blames you for your actions. But you are currently being held in the dungeons. For your own protection and Haven’s.”

“So we are in the fade I assume?” Solas nods compassionately. “We can talk freely here if you are willing to speak about what happen before this? How your sister even got here?”

 

* * *

 

“You are the granddaughter of Mythal… Daughter of June and Sylaise… I should have known she had her own plan. Why didn’t she tell me?” Solas’s eyes burning of betrayal. “I assume so that you would avenge her? It seems she has a plan for everything”

“Indeed.” Solas replies. “So how did this happen?” he points at my body. “I found my mother’s orb, upon touching it, this happen. Almost like a flash of memories, a lifetime of knowledge erupted in me at the same moment.”

“I think that biggest gift from this is that the mark is no longer slowly killing you.” He pinches the bridge of his nose. “It was what?” I question. “I never got a chance to go over it with you. I was surprised you even survived up the point that you did. That mark was not meant for a mortal body.”  

“That is why I can control it now?” I stare down at my hand. “Yes your body has enough power to support it now for it to work correctly. But we still need to retrieve my orb, and it would be best to retrieve your mothers as well.”

I watch him pace in the small cabin. “Are you alright yourself?” I ask.

He sighs out walking over to the bed to join me. “I am just worried. About this plan Mythal wants us to enact I cannot imagine how we will begin to try to reason with the old gods. Mythal is more of a trickster than myself. I do not see how they will see reason, even if you are joined with one of them, which I am directly opposed to.”

“She said that it will not harm me? That I am her family, her blood that she wouldn’t risk hurting me.”

“Mythal does not care about these things. You may think that, but Mythal does what she does for her own gain. She sacrificed your mother did she not?”

“She said that was an accident which she didn’t account for!” I try to defend.

“No trust me it was very much planned. Nothing else would have made me so upset to do what I did, as well as I wouldn’t have had the power to avenge without your mothers power combined with my own.”

“This is not making things much better… I am honestly so confused Solas.”

“I know Lethallan, which I am deeply sorry for.”  

I pull my knees up to my chest, cuddling myself. “I wish I wasn’t so alone.” I struggle out. “Everyone must think I’m crazy. For letting myself get out of control like that”

Solas moves closer to me opening his arms “You are not alone, may I?”

I move my upper body into his arms, feeling his warmth, and his soothing scent hitting my nostrils again. Making me feel at ease, as I feel his fingers creep along the base of my head pulling my head in closer. “I don’t want to wake up. I just want to be here forever.” I whisper laying against his chest.

“As I said no one blames you for your actions. You should have seen Bull when they said they were taking you to the dungeons, most of the inner circle did not react well. Especially Dorian. I presume after your grand adventure you very good friends now.” I chuckle a bit. “Well after traveling through time together people seem to bond.” Then my thoughts drag back to Molly.

“Is it my fault what happen to Molly?” I question staring up at him “No. They should have known better than to not attack. I am appalled at our so called leaders. You’ll be glad to know that she will make a full recovery, she was in quite better condition than you were first arriving.”

“Is she still in the dungeons?” Solas shakes his head. “No she is in your cabin, Bull and the chargers are on full guard and watch. He made it very clear how he did not like kids getting hurt.” I fight back a laugh. “Molly would not like to be referred to as a child, she is 18, that’s an adult in the world we come from.” Solas smirks. “She is the youngest sibling of the Herald. She will sadly be referred to as a child for most of her time here.”

“Most of her time here?” I question. “She cannot stay here with the chaos this world is about to ensue. She is going to be a target. A good portion of Haven already saw the effect her wellbeing has on you.”

“I guess your right… Just it felt good for a moment to have a part of home here with me.” I sigh.

Solas moves his hand from the base of neck to around my waist as he lowers us into bed. “Come lets rest. There will be much damage control to do when you wake up. Let’s enjoy this peace well it lasts.” I curl into his warmth more. Listing to the steady beat of his heart, as it lulls me to sleep.


	19. Burning

“Are you ready for this Julie, you are about to marry the man you will be with for the rest of your life sweetie.” Dad’s eyes glimmer with tears.

Looking in the mirror my dress was flawless, the gold rose embellishments glimmering like magic, my hair in perfectly curly up do, makeup done to perfection, everything how I always dreamed.

“Yes daddy” I smile, turning to him giving him a final hug. “You are so beautiful sweetie.”

As we make it to the church doors, I take a deep breath, the music starts and we begin to walk. Dad holding my arm tight guides me, so many happy relatives faces are smiling back at me, then I look up for Taylor, his head it’s bald. _TAYLOR WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR HAIR!_

“Dad… His hair.” I whisper to him. Dad doesn’t reply, just continues walking holding my arm tighter.

As we get closer I notice that grooms ears are pointed. “Dad. I don’t think that’s Taylor.” Dad still ignores me and keeps looking forward, smiling.

We make it all the way up to the groom that I do not know, with all my relatives giving me very tight now that I’m noticing eerie smiles.

The groom turns to me and it’s Solas! With a large smile on his face, his teeth as sharp as a wolf. “I have found you, and now that I have I will not leave you.” The same deep voice from my previous dream bellows out. _Demon has to be a demon._ “Stop playing with me! I’m done! LEAVE ME ALONE!” I scream. Solas’ eyes suddenly glow red, as he begins to shape shift into a wolf. Lurching at me. I force myself awake.

 _These dreams have to stop._ The dungeon is cold, with the all too familiar smell of bile in the air, as I look around my surroundings.

“ _Mythal will strike all these shemlen down for this._ ” I hear Abelas smooth voice speaking in elvish. I look across the room and see him still in the shackles from earlier “ _They didn’t remove you when they removed Molly?_ ” I question.

“ _No. I rather be down here with you if you are here, it was my duty to protect her, I failed you, and I failed again not being able to protect you. The All-Mother will never forgive me_.” I could hear the sorrow in his voice.

 _“Abelas. I made my own choice that landed myself in here.”_ He cannot feel bad for something that I did myself. I let my rage get the better of me.

Abelas interrupts my thoughts “ _You have been newly introduced to magic. Not just any magic some of the most powerful magic in the world. I expected Solas to help train you, protect you, and not let you get out of control, it’s my misjudgment of his skill that landed you in here, you needn’t blame yourself for my misdeed.”_ He shuffles closer to the iron bars so I can see more of his face.

“ _Also we cannot let the draw of that demon to keep reaching you_.” I can feel his stern glare even though I can barely see it.

 _“How do you know about that?”_ I question. “ _You were talking in your sleep, so I entered the fade and attempted to find you. That demon is pulling you into his realm_.” The nightmare demon… Why didn’t I think of this before!

“ _I know who it is… It’s a nightmare demon. He’s controlling the wardens right now, but we have a journey to yet go on before we can even attempt to confront him. First we must get out of here.”_

I hear the creek of the doors to dungeon open and two sets of footsteps. Both Cassandra and Cullen make their way around the corner into eyesight. I was not expecting the fury in my heart from looking at Cullen, any feelings that had been have disappeared now replaced with anger. He took part in hurting my sister _…_ “Release me.” I state bluntly. Cullen fumbles the keys in his hand, finally making his way to my lock. “Him to.” I point at where Abelas is being held. “But–“ Cullen attempts to argue.

“No, you don’t get to talk to me. I am the Herald, all you will do is listen, if you want me to help seal the breach you will release him.” I glare into Cullen’s once dreamy golden eyes.

I watch as he makes his way over to Abelas releasing him and his magic blocking cuffs. “Now let’s get to business” As I march up out of the dungeon “Cassandra I know I promised to explain some things, but we do not have the time nor the privacy just yet to, we have wasted too much time already. Our enemy has probably already heard I have the mages, gather the inner circle in the war room.”

“Understood, Herald” Cassandra nods at me, before quickly turning to march and gather “Wait! I will need my sister involved in this plan to. I understand Leliana is essential, but we will speak with her after the rest have left. I will not have my sister face her attacker.” 

 

* * *

 

 

“We are about to have a full blown attack on Haven. We do not have the defenses for this.”  Cullen starts pacing. “Yes but I have a plan, Chancellor Roderick he knows a path, you will secretly get all civilians out. We are abandoning Haven as I go seal the breach tonight, not enough for our enemy to notice anything is eschew, just enough that anyone remaining we can get out. Do not tell anyone tell I leave to seal the breach in case he has spies they do not have the time to inform him.”

“Sunshine you have thought of everything... but how do you even know he will come?” Varric offers softness “Varric he will come, and I will cover how I know later.”

I feel both Abelas and Solas shift uncomfortably next to me. “Who’s this new guy?” Varric points at him. “My name is Abelas, I protect the Herald like I did in our clan, and her sister, I have been detained in the dungeons tell now.” Abelas glares at Varric. They can have their fight later, we need to focus.

“Now where all of you come in; Bull, I need your chargers to assist getting people out, but you. Don’t you wanna kick some ass?” I question, but it’s not even really a question at this point.

“Hell yes I do. I have some anger I need to work out.” Bull makes a very obvious glare and knuckle pop aimed at Cullen.

“I don’t think you need more convincing but there will be a dragon to.”

“COUNT ME IN!” He bellows, almost shaking down walls of the war room.

“Cole, you’ll assist the Chancellor won’t you?” I yell into the air

“Yes I will” he poofs out of the darkness, then disappears again. “Was that the young boy from a few days ago with your sister?” Cassandra questions hand on the hilt of her sword looking around “Yes, another thing we will cover when we get to our new home.”

Cassandra is still eyeballing the room “very nifty trick he has.”

“Abelas, I need you to protect my sister.” I state turning to stare at him.

“Julie I do not need protecting.” Molly interrupts. “No. you do. It is not up for debate, I cannot lose you.” I stare into her eyes. Her and Kenna are the only ones I have left from home.

Abelas finally replies, “I agree she needs protecting but I believe my skills would be best used on the battlefield.” Abelas is not wrong. “Then who? That isn’t staying behind to fight that I can actually trust my sister with.” I stare around the room.

The room is silent, when I hear Cullen clear his throat “I will.” “You will not!” I argue back.

“Why? I am staying for the first part of the battle but when I go to flee with the rest of the men I can have her waiting in the chantry for me to join the others. Herald, it was not I that hurt and imprisoned her, I do though want to make that tragedy up to you.” He is well suited… and if what just happened didn’t happen he would be my next best choice.

“Fine. But if you screw this up Cullen.” My voice as sharp as a knife. “I will not Herald.” He nods.

“The rest of you, when I give the signal will flee for the chantry to take the path. No matter what happens to me on the battlefield, you will all go.” I order “Herald I–“ Solas cuts in. “Even you Solas, you will need to go with the others so that in case I do not make it out of this you can lead them to the new outpost.” Solas eyes are pleading for me not to do this on my own but I cannot risk him not making it out of the avalanche. “Varric and Dorian, will you make sure he leaves when told.” They both just simply nod.

“Now let’s go seal this breach.”

 

* * *

 

 _Burning, tugging, pulling, I’m getting exhausted come on, close, close!_ The breach crackles and hisses. Push more power into it! “AHHHHHHH” I scream out in pain. The breach is fighting back, burning me from the inside. “COME ON CLOSE!” forcing all the mana I have left to evacuate my body. The breach flares alive and then closes.

Cheering erupts around me. “Herald?!” I hear Cassandra yelling tell she is finally next to me. “Are you alright.” she coo’s helping me to my feet. “Yes just a little exhausted. We need to get back to Haven, he’s coming.”

Solas is next to run up to me throwing my right arm around his neck, “You almost drained all you mana.” he curses under his breath. “I needed to seal it, it was our only chance.”

“You are not allowed to die today” he huffs as he pulls a blue potion out of his belt. “Here drink this” he pulls the cap off with his teeth handing it to me.

“It smells like battery acid.” I whine holding it up next to my nose. “I don’t know what that is and do not have the time to care, you need to drink.” He pushes the drink closer to my mouth. “Fine.” I give up on protest.

As soon as it hits my tongue I feel a warm tingle surround my body and almost instantly I feel refreshed as I take the last sip of the bottle.  

“Woah, that works well” I stand on my own now “let’s get back to Haven. We have a battle to fight.”

 

* * *

 

“The trebuchets are aimed and loaded. Troops are fake celebrating, and all civilians have been removed Herald.” Cullen reports “My spies also report that there is a massive army on its way.” Leliana confirms, giving me a very nervous look. “Thank you both. Josie got out with the civilians correct?”

“Yes as you asked she is helping to keep the order.” Cullen confirms.

“He’s here.” Cole appears next to me. “He wants to hurt you. The Templars come to kill you. They are red now, on the Elder One’s side. You stole his mages.” I hear the battle already erupting outside the chantry doors of the first round of his army.

Quickly Cullen and I exit the chantry making our way to the gates. “There” Cole points to the mountain peak, to see Corypheus and Samson standing there “he’s very angry that you took his mages”

Cullen takes command “Troops this is what we have been waiting for! That is Samson. He will not make it easy! Inquisition! With the Herald! For your lives! For all of us!”

The group immediately takes action, Solas and Vivienne throwing up barriers as the rest of us move in. We very quickly wipe out the first group of soldiers that infiltrate the gates as I hear the first firing of the trebuchet. I watch as it hits the mountain wiping out most of the group troops. Yes! Planning ahead worked! My own troops cheer.

With a loud screech we look up to see the dragon finally make its appearance destroying the trebuchet that destroyed the ground troops. “Troops pull back!” Cullen yells to those outside of the gate. “Move it!” As all of them that survived scurry in. “Troops it’s time for us to make our exit! Meet me in the Chantry.”

I run into the Chantry myself to say my goodbyes. Molly comes up to me giving me a hug “Julie, what if you don’t.” she chokes up nuzzling her head into my shoulder. I whisper to her “I will survive this, we have seen this played out before.” She hugs tighter “I know.” She replies. When I see Cullen’s hand on her shoulder. “It is time.” Molly releases me looking distraught and walking over to the rest of the troops.

“In all of this planning you never mentioned how you will escape when you bury Haven?” Cullen sofly speaks to me. Ah this, the fatefully goodbyes. “I will Cullen, I can promise nothing more.” His eyes look somber and defeated. “I am truly sorry about what happen to your sister. I will make this up to you by keeping her safe, even beyond this battle.” Looking into his golden eyes I can sense that is true. “Thank you Cullen.” I reach up giving him a soft peck on his cheek, if I don’t make it out of this I cannot let him carry the guilt for the rest of this life. “I forgive you.” I whisper his eyes light up as he grabs Molly arm leading her away. I turn quickly to face the rest of the group waiting to go into the final battle.

“Remember the plan. When I give the signal. You all go. I mean it. You must get out of there as fast as you can.” All of their faces staring at me with somber looks “this isn’t a suicide mission I will get out. I promise you all.” Not a single one seemed to be buying it, even Vivienne looked upset.

“Boss it’s been a honor no matter what happens tonight.” Bull finally breaks the silence.

“Lets go.” I command as they all turn to head into battle opening the doors, Solas waiting as all the rest leave. His face tells it all, he thinks this is it, our final goodbye “Vhenan.” Is all he whispers, pushing loose hair behind my ear. Vhenan! Did he just say Vhenan! This so soon, so quick compared to the rest of the storylines. “Ah I finally managed to surprise you.” He chirps satisfaction gracing his face, my face of shock must have not been hidden well. He pulls me closer and our lips meet I feel alive again, warm, love, everything rushing over me, our tongues tangle like a fever, desperate, wanting.

I hear a loud forced cough “We have a battle that needs to be fought lovebirds.” I hear Varric’s voice. “Yes we do.” I reply pulling away from Solas, staring into his beautiful eyes. “Vhenan, you may be immortal from aging and disease but you can still die, you know that right.”  His grip still firm on me. “I watched my mother die Solas, I know.”

“You are more important than this one measly fight, you understand don’t you.” He really does not think I have a plan of escape. “I will escape. Trust me. I would not sacrifice myself so easily.” His eyes suspicious.

“Sunshine, Chuckles! We could really use some assistance!” Varric calls, I look outside and they are all being flanked by red Templars. “We have to help.” I nearly yell at Solas.

Solas snapping out of the daze goes into action. I can feel his barrier clinging tightly to my own skin, and he begins flinging fire and ice every which way.

I reach for my bow aiming at a Templar coming up behind Abelas, but right as I fire Abelas turns around to cut his head off with his own set of daggers “We need to get to the tretubate!” I call as we begin to fight our way through.  
  
Another is flanking Sera, her quickly trying to fire well stumbling backwards “Shite! Go away!” Sera calls into the air. I aim my bow carefully at the eye hole in his helmet, immediately striking him down, “Thanks” is all Sera yells as she continues on fighting. I just killed that man instantly… _Julie these aren’t people anymore_ , rings through my mind, the only way to banish the guilt from taking the lives of these men. They are corrupted the corruption would kill them eventually.  

We finally make it to the tretubate. “Julie aim it we will cover you!” Dorian calls as the rest of the group begins to make a defense perimeter around me as I spin the wheel of the trebuchet.

“Its done!” I call when I turn around to face a Templar, “You die today Herald.” Suddenly I feel a sharp pain through my gut looking down, I see his sword cleanly strike through me, as he pulls out the sword he quickly kicks me square in the chest making the air escape from my lungs. “Solas!” I cry as I stick my hand down to the wound, forcing my will to heal it, I collapse down to the ground. The pain pulsing through me, I pull away my hand to see it covered it blood and more blood spilling out of the wound.

“VHENAN!” I hear a loud scream, everything is going dark, but no I can’t lose now. I am needed. I force my will my mana, everything to my hand as it finally begins to glow and the pain begins subsiding, I am helped to my feet. “Vhenan, I could have lost you.” Solas whispers, when all of sudden I hear the screech of the dragon charging right at us. “NOW! Everyone go!” I motion as I begin to hobble from the trebuchet with Solas’ help. “Solas you need to go!” Solas grip on my hip is firm and steadying. “In this condition Vhenan.” His eyes plead.

“Dorian!” I cry out as Dorian and Varric quickly turn around making a beeline for Solas. “Please, Vhenan.” I reply to him, as I push him away to Dorain and Varric, they grab him and being to drag him away from my arms, I turn around to see the dragon right over me as I am thrown through the air because of the explosion.  
  
Ringing in my ears, my head throbbing, side aching, I force myself up to see Corypheus walking out of the flames. Everything about him in person is creepier the way his flesh is mended with the corruption, his sickening grin. I turn to flee when I am flanked by his dragon. Trapping me like I have seen so many times before. “Enough” Corypheus yells, as he sends a pulse of magic through the air almost knocking me back down “Prenteder. You toy with forces beyond your ken. No more.”  
  
“I am not afraid of you!” I scream back at him. “Words mortals often hurl at the darkness. Once they were mine. They are always lies. Know me, know what you have pretended to be. Exalt the Elder one! That will that is Corypheus! You will kneel.”  He points at me threating. “No, I will not.” I force myself to stand taller. “Your will does not matter. It will not stop me.” As he pulls it out the orb! I focus on the orb. Giving what last mana I have stored a push, my mark flares as it tries to pull it over to me, the orb glowing green “Silly mortal. I am here for the anchor. The process of removing it begins now.”

The orb instantly changes red. As he charges his own hand, my anchored hand as well flares alive. I feel it begin to burn, but with my mana depleted I can’t even try to silence it. “It is your fault. “Herald.” You interrupted a ritual years in the planning, and instead of dying, you stole its purpose.” As her forces more magic into I can feel it begin to strike all the way up my arm. “I do no know how you survived, but what marks you as “touched,” what you flail at rifts, I crafted to assault the very heavens.” When it stikes through my entire body throwing me to the ground. “And you used the anchor to undo my work! The gall!” To much pain I cant even reply as his large form walks over to me grabbing my hand, forcing me up into the air as I hear loud pop as more sharp pain pulses through my arm.

“I once breached the fade in name of another to serve the Old Gods of the empire in person. I found only chaos and corruption. Dead whispers. For a thousand years I was confused. No more. I have gathered the will to return under no name but my own, to champion withered Tevinter and correct this blighted world. Beg that I succeed, for I have seen the throne of the gods and it was empty!” More popping from shoulder as he throws me through the air crashing into the trebuchet, my head taking most of the impact. My world is spinning as he begins to stalk towards me “The anchor is permanent. You have spoiled it with your stumbling.” I see the sword waiting for me as I crawl on the ground reaching for it with my right arm quickly I force myself up. “So be it. I will begin again, find another way to give this world the nation–and god–it requires.” I look up beyond the mountain to see the flare shoot off, _they are safe._ “And you. I will not suffer even an unknowing rival. You must die.”

“Your arrogance blinds you. Good to know. If I’m dying… It’s not today!” I quickly turn kicking the tretubate to fire. I turn running as fast as I can to get to the mine shaft, I see it just barley there I jump, falling into the darkness.


	20. Shape-shifting

“YOU FORCED ME TO LEAVE HER!” I push Dorian away from me. I could burn him, kill him now, but if she survived, she would never forgive me. “Haven is buried. How is there any way she could have survived?” desperately I yell into the air.

_My vhenan, she could be gone_. I feel a sudden tap on my shoulder, turning it is Abelas gesturing me to speak with him.

“She is alive.” Abelas whispers “How do you know?” I question giving him my full attention. “There is a mineshaft. Back that way. She used it for her escape.” Abelas points back into the blizzard. _There is hope_. She could be alive, but I will have to shape shift to go in this blizzard. “Tell the others to start searching I am going to go ahead of them.”

I run as fast as I can into the blizzard, seamlessly going into my wolf form. Running for my vhenan. 

 

* * *

 

Everything is bright as the mark sends a sharp pulse through my whole body. I try to sit up but can’t as a wave of pain shakes my entire body. My left arm numb, I attempt at moving it which sends sharp pain surging throughout my body, Corypheus must have dislocated it. _My stomach wound…_ I reach down to my stomach with my good arm, carefully pulling up my blood soaked shirt, it has re-opened as I see dark blood seeping from where the blade struck right through me, that can’t be good either. Breathing is getting more and more difficult as I begin to feel for my ribs, more pain, defiantly broken. “Cooolllle” I wrasp out, hoping the spirit will find me, anyone at this point. The cold is numbing my fingers and toes but I don’t even have the energy to shake, I need to get moving.

I push myself forward catching myself with my right arm. “I need to move.” I whimper out to no one as I force myself to my feet. All the blood rushes from my head as I begin to fall back down I use all my energy to throw myself into the cave wall hitting my already bad left shoulder. “AHhhhh” I scream out in pain, I can’t give up. Each step hurts more than the last as I begin to move slowly holding myself up with the cave wall, my mark unstable flaring more and more with each step.

Hours seem to draw by when I reach the opening of the mine, with two wisps awaiting me. “Please I can’t even fight.” I cry, but my mark flares alive, as a hot rush erupts I watch as they get sucked into a mini rift.

“Must keep going” I whimper as I enter the winter storm, the cold hitting me like a wall. When I hear howling in the distance, “Solas”, I continue walking following the direction of the howl.

I am going to die out here, no one will even know I made it out of Haven. The Herald dying for a noble cause to attempt to defeat the enemy. The cold is beginning to feel warm which I know is not good, but at the same time comforting as I keep taking each step.

I see a glowing in a distance, it has to be a campfire.

Dammit it’s out just embers now. My feet betray me as I collapse to the ground next to it _. Please someone help me. I shouldn’t have done it on my own._ What was once cold wind whipping around my body, I feel the snow begin to blanket me. Eyes growing weaker, no I must stay awake. I focus on the dying embers as everything around me begins to grow darker.

 

* * *

 

Faster, I must run faster, as I pass trees and our campfires. I must find her. I shouldn’t have left her behind. Please hear my howling follow the sound!

Our first fire, the embers barley there and a dark shadow, with a snow pile forming on top of it “JULIE” I howl into air as I make a bolt for the spot.

She is covered with a blanket of snow, skin blue, I can see her chest raise slowly and fall, _she is still breathing_. I use what mana I can sacrifice to send a light healing spell through her entire body, hoping to stop any damage from continuing, as I nuzzle myself under her, and securing her on my back I run again.

I run until I see the lights of Cullen and his men. Slowly sliding her off my back. “I am sorry vhenan. I whisper into her ear as I leave her in the snow. Quickly running back to camp to prepare to heal her. 

 

* * *

 

“There she is!” I hear the faint yell of Cullen, as if feel myself being wrapped in something as I am lifted into someone arms. “Maker I will do anything please don’t let her die.” I hear Cullen whisper. “Cullen” I try to say but my voice isn’t working, as everything seeps back into darkness.

Suddenly I am awake again. Lurching up, I take a deep breath, _I can breathe_. As I look down I am bare chested, just in my wrap I have become so accustomed to,  I look down further to see tight bandages wrapped around stomach, thankfully not drenched in red. My arm still hurts, and so does my head but I am alive.

Suddenly the tent flap is thrown open. “Vhenan.” Solas’s eyes brighten, rushing over to my side. “You should be resting.” He coos as he pulls up the fur blanket coating me in it.

“They are all probably arguing out there.” I choke out, my throat feeling like daggers, Solas, quickly reaches down grabbing a cup of water passing it to me, it coolly goes down soothing my throat.

“Yes indeed they are, but you can rest a bit longer, they have been going at it for a while now I don’t think you stepping out will change anything.” _But it would… And I aren’t I supposed to be having this talk with Mother Giselle. “_ Did Mother Giselle make it out of Haven?” I question staring at Solas, his eyes sadden.

“She was helping the Chancellor lead the first group out of Haven, when suddenly the few in our ranks of Corypheus spies reveled themselves and attacked. She sacrificed herself to save him, jumping in front of the blow…”

I feel every bit of color drain out of my face. “So the Chancellor survived?” Solas nods. “Is there something wrong?” he questions, searching my face for answers.

“Yes. It was not supposed to happen that way” Solas eyes brighten “by saving the people of Haven you changed the future.” His own eyes growing wider.

“Yes, and now I don’t know what other effect my action will have. What if everything is different now?” I feel a panic attack coming, but I am too exhausted to even entertain it.

“Pass me my clothes.” I demand at Solas. “But vhenan…” I glare. “No don’t argue, I need to make my appearance I can’t let anything more change.” He nods passing me a fresh outfit helping me pull it on.

Walking out of the tent I see Cassandra, Josephine, Cullen and Leliana all arguing. Kenna happily cuddling by a fire with my sister, my sister snuggled up against Dorian happily talking to him. When Kenna’s ears perk up looking over at me, happily barking and immediately doing a full on run to me, nuzzling my legs and giving them a million kisses. It hits me that I never reunited with Kenna in Haven, she must have missed me. I kneel down to her level letting her lick me in the face when I realize the camp has gotten eerily silent. I look up to see everyone staring at me and silence in the whole camp.

I watch as Cole appears behind Leliana whispering something in her ear and swiftly disappearing again, and on cue she begins to sing the words Mother Giselle should be singing, “Shadows fall – And hope has fled – Steel your heart – The dawn will come – The night is long – And the path is dark – Look to the sky – For one day soon – The dawn will come…” Almost immediately everyone else in the small compound joins in, their voices and hope shaking me to my very core.

When the song ends, Cole appears at my side “An army needs more than an enemy, it needs a cause.” My eyes close, words that Mother Giselle should have spoken “She was happy to go, it was the right thing, one life to save many more” he whispers before he disappears again. _Yes one life over many but at what cost._ When I feel Solas grab my hand “a word?” he questions staring into my eyes, pulling me away from the crowd.

Taking me to edge of the camp he lights the torch ever so casually as he has done countless times before.

“Vhenan, you could have died.” _This is a new one._ “I know…” I reply bowing my head in shame.

“You are more important than just this battle. You know that, and to betray me. Have me taken away when I should have been there to protect you, help you.” He scolds the anger in his voice is palpable. “I’m sorry Solas. I just didn’t want change things more. Or risk your life. I’ve seen that played out so many times before I knew I would survive! And here I am! Still alive!” I defend myself, turning away from him as I hear his feet crunch in the snow taking steps closer to me.

I feel him grip my shoulders turning me to face him, his soft hand gracing my face, gray steel eyes swallowing me whole “I am trivial compared to you. My death if it would have helped you not risk your own, would have been the greatest sacrifice I would have been able to make. You almost died Vhenan, if I wouldn’t have got to you…” I watch the pain surface in his eyes.

“You saved me? I thought it was Cullen who found me?” I question staring at him, my heart beginning to flutter in my chest.

“Yes I rushed ahead and shape-shifted into a wolf. You were taking your last breaths when I got to you.” I hadn’t truly realized how close I had come to death… “What matters most of all though is that you are alive.” He raises his other hand to my neck pulling me into a long kiss.

“Now we must lead your people to Skyhold.”  


	21. Skyhold

“What is she doing with the commander?” I watch as Molly is walking oddly very close to Cullen, twirling a strand of her long brown hair around one of her fingers. “I believe she is doing this thing called flirting, haven’t your heard of it?” Dorian replies snarky to me.

 I squint my eyes, “Yes I have, but with him!” I express, Dorian looks at me confused. “Do you still harbor feelings for him my dear? I thought you were with your elven lover now?” I roll my eyes “No, I chose Solas… but, she is so young she is barley and adult being only 18! And I think he is at least in his thirty’s! The age difference alone” I watch as she acts cold rubbing her arms, as Cullen takes off his fur coat wrapping her in it. I can’t help my mouth from gapping. “It seems her flirting is paying off.” Dorian nudges me with his elbow.

“No. This is not allowed.” I begin to march up to the two when I get swiftly stopped by Solas grabbing my arm. “What do you think you’re doing?” He questions stopping me in my tracks, as the rest of the caravan keeps moving. “You see them! All flirting! I can’t let that happen!” wailing my arm as my sister snuggles up in Cullen’s fur, Solas’s face immediately reads amused. “And why not?”

“Why! He is at least 10 years older than her!” Solas immediately starts laughing, a good laugh so hard that his face is almost turning red. “What’s so funny?” “You think age is an issue with them. When I am millennia’s older than you.” _I never thought of it like that before._ “Well…” Solas’s face still reading amused. “I don’t know why it’s just not okay!”

“You still have feelings for him hidden down in you don’t you.” Solas points at my chest holding back a laugh, when Cole appears. “Golden eyes, making me melt, a desk… why are you thinking of a desk. Oh” Cole looks shocked, blushing himself and poofing away. Solas looks intrigued as ever. “What is this about a desk?” I flee away, catching back up the caravan and Dorian. “Knew it.” He winks at me.

“Dorian!” I push him away from me. “You’re such a fickle thing.” Dorian laughs at me.

 _“_ He reminds me of Taylor. It’s hard to tear those feelings away.” My voice shakes. _Taylor..._ “I know darling. Just teasing for good fun.” He puts his arm around me pulling me close. “No one understands your feelings of confusion better than myself” he sighs as we continue to walk.

 

“It’s beautiful.” I exclaim staring at Skyhold for the first time in person. Watching the sun peeking through the mountains. “And it is yours now.” Solas exclaims somberly.

“What’s wrong?” I question turning to him. “I was thinking about the past, nothing to send worry to. I am most of all pleased that this will be safe place for your people.”

Skyhold was a mess, the game didn’t show nearly how much work truly needed to be done, no wonder some places never fully recovered when playing the game. I had more things that would need fixing then the walkway to the war room, even though playing the game that was always the number one thing I thought that if I was ever the inquisitor I would need to get fixed. The great hall needed major repairs, and the quarters for the civilians and soldiers needed the most work. Most rooms being fully collapsed. Which is what Cullen sent his men to work on first and foremost, we had to get people out of tents.

I see Cullen, Leliana, Cassandra and Josie all talking in the courtyard as I watch more people settle in. Cassandra waves me over to them as soon as she notices me. “They arrive daily from every settlement in the region. Skyhold is becoming a pilgrimage.” She begins to lead me up the steps “If word has reached these people, it will have reached the Elder One.” Corypheus… I could almost feel my shoulder popping out of place all over again. I could not underestimate his power.

“But we now know what allowed you to stand against Corypheus, what drew him to you.”

“He came for this.” I pull up my anchored hand to stare at, letting it flare its way through “And now it’s useless to him… So now he wants me dead.”

“The anchor has power, you have power. But that’s not why you’re still standing. Your decision let us heal the sky. Your determination brought us out of Haven, with barley any casualties. You are that creature’s rival because of what you did. And we know it. All of us. The Inquisition requires a leader. The one who has already been leading it.”

Leliana begins to walk up to me with the familiar inquisitor sword I have seen so many times before.

“You.” She states as I stare out onto the crowd. Molly looking up to me. Cullen, Dorian, Josie. So many that I already care about, I have to do this for them.

“Cassandra, are you sure about this? We haven’t even went over what truly happen to me back at Redcliff.”

Cassandra nods her head in understanding. “It matters not what happen to you there, or what you are. I would be terrified to hand this duty to anyone, but you. They’ll follow you, there would be no Inquisition without you. How it will serve, how you’ll lead, that must be yours to decide.”

I stare at the sword, this is what Mythal wants me to do. What I have to do to save this world. “I will lead us against Corypheus with the blessings of Andraste, and with her by my side! I am an elf standing for Thedas, the Inquisition is for all!”  
  
“Wherever you lead us… Have our people been told!” Cassandra calls out to the crowd below. “They have and soon the world.” Josie calls back.

“Commander, will they follow?” Cassandra calls again out to the crowd. “Inquisition! Will you follow?” The crowd roars below me “Will you fight?” The crowd roaring again. “Will we triumph?” The crowd continually roaring at this point.  “You leader! Your Herald! Your Inquisitor!” Cullen calls out one final time pointing his sword at me as I lift my own sword into the air. Hearing again the crowd roaring. 

 

There was Molly, at Cullen’s side. Looking through the plans for the remodel. She would probably make a better Inquisitor then myself, she is herself here. “Julie!” she calls me over to her and Cullen.

“I see you have taken the duty to protecting my sister quiet serious.” I stare into those golden eyes of Cullen. His face quickly blushing. “Um. I –“

“We will talk about it another time. Can I speak to her alone for a minute?” he nods practically scurrying off, leaving Molly and I alone. “You would make a better Inquisitor then me.” I say looking at her scoping the remodeling plans. “No. I wouldn’t.” she pauses looking up at me.

“I couldn’t handle the weight of the decisions that need to be made like you. I’m much better suited for the behind the scenes sabotage.”

“Of course.” I roll my eyes.

“So I know you and Cullen had a thing…” Molly shuffles her feet in the dirt. Right to business I see. “Yes. We did, but I’m openly with Solas now, you know this.”

“Yeahhh. I do. Just wanted to make sure it wasn’t a thing anymore?” she says wincing “if you are asking permission?” I question her.

“No I know better, I mean I obviously can’t stay here forever.” She says rubbing her arms self-consciously which was a rarity for her.

“Well if you were asking my permission I would tell you do what makes you happy, and I am your sister not your mother, you don’t need my permission, and  about Cullen and I being a thing we decided to be friends back at Haven.” If Molly wants something with him I can’t let my confused mess get it the way of her potential happiness, besides I am with Solas… “But just so you realize he is like 10 years older than you give or take. Cradle robbing if you ask me.” I hold back a laugh. Molly’s mouth sit’s there agape.

“Cullen, cradle robbing! I think you need to take your old man up on that one.” We both stand there laughing true laughter for the first time since we’ve both been in Thedas together. When I see Solas making his way down the stairs, and we just can’t handle it.

“Do you need some assistance, sir?” Molly calls out to him, as I smack her arm. “Go now!” my stomach hurting from the laughter.

“Yes Inquisitor.” She curtsies before scurrying off.

 I feel Solas rub his hand on my lower back, “I am happy to see you so happy, especially with everything that has happen. Even if it is at my expense.” He pulls me into a hug, as I take in his smell, as he places a small kiss on my forehead “Enjoy these moments.” He whispers.

“I am.” I snuggle in closer holding him tighter. “They prepared your room. If you want to go see it?” I feel a flush go to my cheeks. I hadn’t even thought about… ahem. That.

“I see that look. Not for what you’re thinking, just too simply go see it, and admire. I mean it’s nowhere as nice as it was when it was mine.” He scoffs, giving me that familiar smirk I’ve grown so accustomed to. I never saw him have this much joy ever playing the game…

“Yes I would love to go see it, Vhenan.” The words roll off of my tongue like butter.

As we are about to enter my chambers Cassandra stops me. “Inquisitor, when you have a moment, we have a matter to discuss in the war room.” Sola steps away from the door, leading me towards the war room and then casually walking back to the rotunda.

 

The war room has a stern feeling as I walk into the room. Leliana looking oddly shamed, Cullen holding the hilt of his sword, Josie not her normal happy bubbly self, and then Cassandra… “We need a decision” Cassandra bluntly states “in the terms of Leliana, and the incident back in Haven.”

“I will resign, or accept whatever punishment you see fit.” Leliana bows her head not even looking into my eyes. The thought of the harden Leliana chilled me, I couldn’t let her become that and for the rage that had been built, it has slowly begun to dissipate now that Molly is safe and without any further harm.

“All that I ask, is that it does not happen again.” I sigh as I look up to three very shocked faces.

“I understand it was an accident, but it was a good lesson, that any suspicious person, we should bring in with non-lethal force. I will not be a vicious leader, you all know my personality by now that I’m not that type of person, I can’t even kill a Templar without still be haunted by that, and now all lives taken by the Inquisition will be my burden as well, and I do not want to know what type of shell of myself I will become if unnecessary violence like that happens again… You all understand correct.” As all three of them nod.

“I am assuming the next order of business is what happen to me…”

 

“So you knew who you where this whole time?” Leliana asks in disbelief. “You had me so fooled… I mean suspicion was there but I pushed it aside.”

“Taylor… are you sure he is lost?” Cassandra hopeless romantic shines through.

“Yes and I mean he has to be, otherwise he would be right here by my side.”

“I am most worried about Flemeth, well Mythal? What’s her plan? Can you just tell us more besides she saved you from death and you’re her daughter?” Cullen questions. “I cannot.”

Josie is just staring at me “Josie any questions?” I stare back at her.

‘”You’re from another world! Is anyone else hearing this!” panic setting in.

“It explains a lot of her adjustment when we first crossed paths with her.” Cassandra stares me up and down. Josie was still not taking it quite as well as the others. “And what about her knowing the future! Can you tell us more?! Anything to help us!”

“I don’t want to affect things, I already changed one outcome, so the future could now be completely different.”

Leliana’s eyes budge out. “What changed?”

“Well Haven was not supposed to go as smoothly as it did. It was supposed to be a massacre, and among the casualties chancellor Roderick was supposed to die… But in his place Mother Giselle did.” Leliana looks horrified. “Nothing ever good happens with meddling with time.”

“I know, and I don’t know how that one death is going to change things.”

We all stand in awkward silence for I don’t even know how long.

“Anything else?” I question my eyes darting to all three. “No.” Cassandra answers as the other three give me a slight nod.

“Well one last thing. Cullen. Can you get my sister into some recruit training, she is staying _for now_ and I need her to know how to better protect herself, what if she where to get kidnapped or something.” A shiver goes up my spine. “In anything specific?” he questions. “Let’s start her with just some basic agility? I mean you know I barley even had one when I first got here, and then work her up to whatever you see fit.”

“Of course Inquisitor.” Everyone files out of the war room. I am alone staring at giant map of Thedas when I hear the door creak open. I turn back to see Cullen. “Cullen.” My heart flutters though it should not.

“I just wanted to make sure you were all right.” He walks in closing the door behind him.

“I am. I mean as good as I can be.” I feel it building up. “Are you sure? I know things might be awkward… But when I offered friendship it was genuine.” And I feel the wall that I have carefully laid brick by brick since getting back to Thedas fall down all at once.

“My whole childhood was a lie! And TAYLOR. Don’t even get me started on him! He tells me that he truly loved me but I have that doubt it was all for duty! And the worst part is… it will always be there because he is gone now!” I hide my face into my hands as tears are streaming down my face. When I feel the embrace of Cullen wrapping his arms around me, which only makes me cry harder.

“I just wish I was truly home. That I didn’t have any special duty. That I didn’t kill anyone or have to kill more people!” I feel the panic attack building.

“And now I’m the Inquisitor I will always have to put on that strong happy face. I can’t let anyone know I am this weak little girl that has no business being here! That nightmare demon is right!” I choke out, as I wipe tears from my face.

I feel Cullen move his hands up to my face, pulling me to look into those golden eyes. “Julie. You are so strong, probably the strongest women I know. Not many can accept this duty like you have. I know that you have seen this played out with so many other people but I solely believe that no one would be able to fulfill this duty with the grace, empathy and strength that you will. Other people could corrupt and twist the roll for their own gain, but not you. You faced our enemy head on alone, it might not have been the smartest idea but you did it. And the way you leaded us on that day, no one else could have done that, no one else could have made that risk to save all those lives, even with you knowing that it could risk changing everything you knew, you wanted to save those people and you did it.”

I feel my heart rate slowly going back to normal, as his hands release from my face.

“The only thing I worry about is you in all of this. I don’t want you to sacrifice yourself for a world that will not thank you in the true end.” He tucks his hand up behind his neck like it does so frequently. “I will be fine.” I harden myself again, building those bricks back up.

“If you ever need someone to talk to… To not be Inquisitor with, I want you to know I am here.” He smiles at me one last time before turning and walking out of the war room leaving me alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know. I know. I haven't updated since October. A very long hiatus, I identify with Julie on the anxieties, and I struggle with depression myself. If I where to continue to write well going through what I was, this story would have suffered. I scrapped three whole chapters before finally writing this one. No beta or editor either. Just me. I'm feeling better each day though. So I hope to continue this, but if there is ever another long break. I want you guys to know why. It's just hard to struggle with the self hatred that my depression induces, which equals poor writing or all together writers block in my case. For all that are back reading I thank you for sticking with me through this crazy journey!


End file.
